


Three is a Crowd

by Lyra (Lyra_87)



Series: Three Is a Crowd [2]
Category: Black Veil Brides, My Chemical Romance
Genre: F/M, Infidelity, M/M, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-06
Updated: 2014-01-06
Packaged: 2018-01-07 18:25:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 50,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1122957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyra_87/pseuds/Lyra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amanda always thought relationships were between two people. What happens when her boss makes her an offer she can't refuse...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

## Beginnings

 

Amanda looked at the mirror, her blue eyes scanning the reflection staring back at her as she nervously ran her hands down her freshly pressed suit. It was her first day working at Dark Horse comics as a Personal Assistant to the man in charge, Mr Gerard Way. She had never met him before; the assistant she was replacing had done her interview and did her in house training the week before when Mr Way was on annual leave.

 

She took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves.

 

She had looked for a new job for months, trying to get out of the retail sector she had been stuck in after college. Four years in college and she couldn’t get a decent job, until now. She knew she had all the skills necessary to do the work, but being under pressure was never her thing. She would need to get use to it, and quickly if Lisa, the old PA, was to be believed.

 

‘ _He’s nice_ ’ she said’ _but he does expect a lot. If he asks for something do it quickly or you’ll never hear the end of it. Also, don’t get sick, ever. He doesn’t believe in sick days. Make sure you stock up on multivitamins. But other than that, he’s a great boss really. Just don’t get on his bad side and you’ll do fine_.’

 

They hadn’t been the words of advice she had been hoping to hear, but at least she was forewarned. All she could do was try her best not to mess it up.

 

‘Don’t be nervous’ she told herself, looking at her reflection in the mirror. ‘You’ll be fine. Just go in, be confident, remember what Lisa told you and you’ll do fine.’

 

She looked at her watch, and realised she was cutting it fine to make it in early. She wanted to make a good first impression, and she hoped being earlier than expected would be a good start.

 

She grabbed her bag and keys as she left her tiny apartment and got into her car. She was fortunate enough to have gotten a small decent apartment that was within her budget to rent by herself. Working in retail had made her hate people. She liked individuals, but people as a whole she hated, so she was happy to be able to live by herself and not have to deal with people when she didn’t have to.

 

She didn’t have to drive for very long before she reached the building. She felt the butterflies in her stomach as she turned the ignition off and looked up at the building that was to be her second home with the amount of time she would have to spend there. Another perk of the job was the long hours when Mr Way had deadlines to meet, or was just in a foul mood, but the pay wasn’t half bad, which is why she was determined to make it work. She took another calming breath as took her keys out of the ignition and got out of her car.

 

She walked up to the building and showed security her badge she had gotten on her day of training. She got into the lift, which was occupied by one other person. He was quite good looking she had to admit. He had black, floppy hair and hazel brown eyes. His eyes glanced at her quickly before he went back to reading the pages he had in front of him as he drank a steaming cup of coffee. She scrunched her nose slightly at the smell. She never particularly liked the smell of coffee, she was more of a tea person. Mr Way was a coffee demon according to Lisa so she was going to have to get use to the smell unfortunately.

 

‘Not a coffee person?’

 

She looked up at the man, who hadn’t raised his eyes from the pages in front of him.

 

‘Eh, not really.’ she replied awkwardly, trying not to blush. She was twenty five; she shouldn’t blush every time a good looking man talked to her.

 

‘As my new PA you’re gonna have to get use to it I’m afraid.’ He spoke without raising his eyes.

Amanda froze.

 

_'Shit'_ was the only coherent thought in her head at that moment.

 

She hadn’t stepped into the office yet and she felt like she was already making a bad impression.

 

_Just my luck_  she thought miserably.

 

She pulled herself together quickly.

 

‘It’s nice to meet you Mr Way.’ She mustered with as much grace and poise as she could. ‘I was hoping to be in the office before you started.’ She added.

 

‘So was I, it _is_  normally the job of my PA to be waiting for me. But it’s your first day so I’ll let it pass for today. I assume Lisa didn't explain to be in thirty minutes before I arrive.’

 

He still hadn’t looked up from his reading material, but Amanda was certain that he could feel the heat of embarrassment radiate off her body in waves as her face turned bright red underneath her pale make up. As a matter of fact she had forgotten to mention it. Or maybe Amanda had just misheard Lisa. Either way it didn’t matter, she was messing up before she had even sat at her desk.

 

When she didn’t reply, he finally looked up from his page. She saw his smirk before he burst out laughing.

 

‘I’m sorry’ he said while continuing to laugh’ I can’t…the look on your face is priceless…you’re not late, don’t worry. I was just trying to scare you with the mean boss act. I normally last a day but you looked like you were going to faint’

 

He laughed for another minute as Amanda felt relief sweep through her, as well as even more embarrassment. When he stopped laughing, he put his papers under his left arm as he held his hand out.

 

‘Nice to meet you Ms May.’

 

She took his hand and gave it a confident shake.

 

‘Nice to meet you too, Mr Way.’

 

The elevator doors opened, and Mr Way motioned for Amanda to enter the floor first.

 

‘Did you have far to travel to get here?’ he asked, taking on a much more friendly tone than before as he walked beside her. It sounded much more natural to him that the tone he used in the elevator.

 

‘Not too far, it’s about twenty minutes in the car.’ She replied, trying to overcome the nervousness she felt after the disastrous introduction.

 

‘That doesn't sound too bad. I hope Lisa explained everything to you about what’s expected of you.’

 

They stopped in front of a glass office door. Mr Way opened it, and motioned for Amanda to enter first and he followed directly behind her before falling in step with her again.

 

‘I think so. She pretty much went through everything on Friday so I think I have a fair idea.’ She said, trying to sound confident.

 

‘Good. If you have any problems just come to me, okay? I’m not a mean, scary boss. I remember what it’s like starting a new job. Life will be made much easier if you come to me if you’re unsure, no matter how silly you think it is. I would rather you ask a million dumb ass questions and do everything right the first time than make a stupid mistake I have to correct because you wouldn’t ask.’

 

She wasn’t sure how to respond to this little speech.

 

‘Will do, Mr Way.’

 

‘Please, call me Gerard when we’re not in front of clients. It makes me feel older than I am.’

 

‘Okay… Gerard’.

 

He smiled kindly at her.

 

‘Don’t be so nervous. Just so what’s asked of you and we’ll get along fine. I’m not the perfect boss but I try my best to be respectful and accommodating. I only ask the same of you.’

 

She nodded at him, smiling. Looking at him properly, she realised that he was a very handsome man.

 

‘ _Uh, this is gonna be fun, working with a man I’m gonna drool over all day_ ’ she thought to herself, mentally rolling her eyes at herself.

 

They finally reached his office, her desk directly outside his office.

 

‘I assume you were shown how to log into the computer and phone system?’ he enquired.

 

‘Yup’ Amanda replied, stepping behind the desk and typing in the password, feeling pleased with herself when she remembered how to do it first time around as Gerard watched her. When she logged in she looked back up at him, making direct eye contact with him. Her heart literally stopped for a moment, caught completely by surprise as she again registered just how attractive she found him.

 

A look she couldn’t quite place flashed across his face quickly before he nodded at her.

 

‘Okay Amanda, could you print off a copy of my schedule for the day, and send an email to Michael Patterson requesting a meeting at some stage this week when I’m free.’

 

‘Sure, no problem.’

 

‘Great.’ He said as he handed her the pages in his hands. ‘Also, when you’re finished that I’d like you to type up the notes I made on these pages in time for my meeting with Franco later.’

 

She couldn’t help but notice he didn’t wear a wedding ring as she took the paper off him. She shook her head, trying to get rid of the thought from her head. He was her boss for heaven’s sake! Whether he was single or not it wouldn’t matter, because _he was her boss_.

 

‘Are you alright Amanda?’ Gerard asked, concern in his voice.

 

‘Yes, I’m fine. I’ll get started now’ she said, flashing him a smile that would hopefully convince him that she was okay.

 

‘Okay then Amanda, I’ll leave you too it then. Give me a buzz on the intercom if you need anything’ He said, giving her a quick smile before he walked into his office, closing the door behind him.

 

She let go of the breath she didn’t realise she was holding as she sat down in front of her computer and got straight to work.

*************************************************

 

Four hours later, she was still typing away as she tried to fix Gerard’s schedule. Lisa had made a bit of a mess of it apparently, so Gerard had to spend his first morning back correcting it before asking Amanda to type it up when she finished typing up the notes he made on the new comic he gave her. Her fingers ached with all the typing, but the morning went by quickly much to her relief.

 

‘Amanda?’

 

She looked up to see Gerard leaning on her desk, a smile on his face as he gazed at her.

 

‘Yes?’

 

‘It’s lunch time. C’mon, I’ll take you out’ he offered as he stepped away from her desk as he waited for her to save her work.

 

She grabbed her coat and bag and followed him out, trying not to feel awkward as he led her out of the building.

 

‘There’s a lovely place just down the street, their food is amazing. Is Italian okay?’ he asked as they walked side by side.

 

‘Italian’s good, that sounds great.’ She smiled back at him, as she made an effort to maintain eye contact whilst not blushing.

 

‘So Amanda, how has your first morning been?’ he asked, sounding interested.

 

‘It’s been good so far, it’s gone so fast I haven’t had time to stop which I like.’ She replied with a smile.

 

‘That’s what I like to hear.’ He said as they stopped in front of the restaurant. It looked cosy from the outside, and judging by the smell coming from inside the food would indeed be amazing.

 

Her stomach rumbled as she stepped in through the open door after Gerard. The Front of House seemed to recognise him very well, as he greeted him with little formality.

 

‘Gerard how nice to see you, it’s been a while!’ he said, as he picked up two menu’s and led them to a table.

 

‘I know I was away on holidays with Frank, just got back on Saturday’ Gerard informed the man as they reached their table.

 

‘How is lover boy? Did you pop the question yet?’ he asked they sat down.

 

Gerard chuckled.

 

‘You know Frank, the minute I pop the question is the minute he runs away.’

 

They took their menus as Amanda felt slight disappointment.

 

Of course he was gay.

 

A man that good looking could not be straight and single, it was the law of fate. Any good looking, nice guy was either gay or married. Now Amanda could stop drooling over him in the knowledge that he was completely out of the realms of possibility.

 

_'Yeah right, like that ever stopped you before'_  she said to herself, knowing better than to believe this new knowledge would make her stop drooling over him

 

‘I’ll come back in a few minutes to take your order’ the man said before he left them alone at the table.

 

Gerard looked at Amanda, trying to gage her reaction.

 

‘Can you suggest anything?’ Amanda asked, trying to act as though she didn’t hear anything, hoping it was the right thing to do. His personal life wasn’t her business so she should act as such.

 

‘Frank and I always go for the vegetarian lasagne.’

 

‘Oh, are you vegetarian?’

 

‘I’m not, but Frank is so I’m forced into the vegetarian lifestyle’ he said with a laugh, still giving her that piercing gaze that she swore was trying to see right through her.

 

She laughed along, silently hoping that the waiter would come and take their orders just so she could avoid talking to Gerard for a moment. She said a thank you to whatever God was watching over her in that moment as the waiter arrived and took their order. Gerard ordered the Lasagne while she ordered the Carbonara.

 

The rest of lunch went by smoothly, with conversation ranging from taste in music to the last book they read. By the time it was over, Amanda was ready to burst after eating the whole serving of Carbonara. Amanda just hoped the afternoon would go as quickly as the morning.

.

 


	2. Chapter One

_His lips pressed against the side of her neck softly, making her groan in pleasure and frustration. She gripped his raven locks in her hands and tugged at his hair roughly as she pulled his face to her own and captured his lips in a bruising kiss. Her skirt was up around her waist and his hands rested on her hips, his fingers digging into her as she sat on top of the desk. Her hands went to his belt as she unbuckled it with shaking hands-_

Amanda shot up at the sound of her alarm clock, her heart racing as she put her hand on her chest in hopes of calming her breathing down.For three weeks she had been having the same dream every night.It was as though Gerard had infected her mind. Whenever she was unoccupied she thought of him. When she went to sleep she dreamt of him.

It was slowing killing her sanity.

It made a job she probably would have enjoyed a living nightmare.Gerard was one of those bosses who tried to be friends with his employees. He seemed to make a special effort with Amanda for reason she couldn’t fathom. Whenever he didn’t have a lunch meeting with a client he took her out for lunch, which meant she didn’t get to socialise with the others in the office as much as she would like.She was already considering getting a new job, even if it meant taking a pay cut. Although it wouldn’t solve all her problems she would at least get some distance from the cause of them.

But, did she really want to?

As much as it made her uncomfortable, she enjoyed seeing Gerard every day. Why wouldn’t she, he was smart, attractive and they had very similar tastes in books and movies. If it wasn’t for the fact she knew he was gay she might have even thought he was interested in her with all the attention he gave her. She shook her head, trying to get her thoughts in order as she got out of bed and jumped into the shower in hopes the steaming water would calm her nerves.

*****

  
She sat at her desk, typing up more notes for Gerard as he had a meeting with some big client. She was oblivious to the world around her as she tried not to let her mind drag her into a fantasy world where her boss was straight and single. It was Friday and she wanted to make sure she got everything done before she finished for the weekend. She didn’t register someone approach her desk and stare at her for a moment waiting for her to acknowledge him

‘Is Gerard around?’

She jumped, almost spilling her tea over her keyboard.She looked at the man in front of her desk.He was short in height, maybe about an inch taller than her with dark brown hair, big brown eyes and a smile to die for. She could just about make out the scorpion tattoo on his neck.

He was sex on legs.

She felt the blush rise to her cheeks as it took her a moment to register that he had asked her a question.

‘Sorry?’ she asked sheepishly, deeply embarrassed by her reaction.

His smile grew wider.

‘Gerard, is he free? I was hoping to meet him for lunch.’

‘Oh, he’s in a meeting but he should be finished in a few moments. I don’t remember him having a lunch meeting; I’ll double check Mr…’

‘I’m Frank.’ He replied as he held his hand out.

She took his hand, loving the feel of his rough calloused skin against hers.

‘It’s lovely to meet you Frank, I’ve heard a lot about you’ she shook his hand as she spoke.

‘And you must be Amanda. I’ve heard a lot about you too’ he said in a suggestive tone, no doubt trying to get her to blush again for his own amusement.

It worked, as she her cheeks get even hotter under his gaze which travelled over her body as though he was checking her out, which she knew was impossible as he was gay, just like her boss. Just at that moment the door to Gerard’s office opened.

‘I’ll see you next week Andrew, I’ll get Amanda to setup a meeting for next Thursday.’

‘See you then Gerard.’ The man replied as he walked out in front of Gerard, gave Amanda a quick nod and left.

‘Amanda, can you- Frank! What brings you here?’ Gerard said as he walked over to Frank and pulled him into a hug.

‘I got back from the trip earlier than expected; I was hoping we could go out for lunch if you have no plans?’ Frank asked as he returned Gerard’s hug for a few moments before pulling away.

‘Of course, I was just planning on going to that Italian place down the road with Amanda, come along.’ Gerard said with excitement.

‘Gerard, I wouldn’t want to intrude, you and Frank go on ahead’ Amanda spoke quickly, not wanting to be a third wheel in what would undoubtedly be a very uncomfortable situation for her.

‘Nonsense!’ Gerard exclaimed ‘I’ve been telling Frank all about you and he’s been dying to meet you, you two will get on like a house on fire. ‘

‘Absolutely’ Frank agreed ‘I need to meet the woman my boyfriend talks about all the time’ he said as he playfully shoved Gerard with his elbow.

Gerard laughed.

‘Just give me one moment Frank, you ready to go Amanda?’ Gerard asked as he turned back to Amanda.

‘Almost, just need to save this’ she replied meekly, suddenly feeling like a fish out of water.

This was going to be torture.  
*********

They walk to the restaurant was quick and filled with Frank and Gerard’s conversation as Amanda kept quiet, afraid of interrupting their reunion or embarrassing herself. She wished she had been more adamant about not coming, she already felt like a third wheel. She wasn’t annoyed with them, Frank had been away for a couple of days on business apparently so naturally they missed each other, she just didn’t understand why Gerard and Frank insisted she came along.

As they sat down at the table, the two men seemed to remember they had company.

‘Sorry Amanda,’ Gerard said sheepishly, ‘Frank’s a music producer so he has to travel sometimes, I always get way too excited when he comes back.’ He started to blush a little saying this as Frank chuckled and cooed at Gerard.

‘How long have you two been together?’ Amanda asked.

They two men looked at each other before Frank replied.

‘Just over three years. We had our anniversary about a month ago.’

Amanda couldn’t help but smile, in spite of the jealousy she felt in the pit of stomach. She could tell by the way they looked at each other that they were madly in love, even after three years.

‘How did you meet?’ She inquired, feeling masochistic and genuinely curious.

‘Our exes introduced us actually.’ Gerard explained. ‘They were best friends so naturally Frank and I were forced to spend a lot of time together while they went out shopping or whatever. We got to know each other, and it kind of happened from there.’

‘Aw, that’s sweet’ Amanda said with a smile.

‘Ha! You should have seen my ex’s face when I told her I was leaving her for a guy, she didn’t think it was sweet’ Frank said with a small chuckle.

‘At least she didn’t destroy your record collection.’ Gerard grumbled.

Amanda couldn’t help but laugh at the look on Gerard’s face, as Frank laughed.

‘Lindsey did always know how to hit you where it hurts’ Frank managed to get out when he calmed down.

Amanda couldn’t help her curiosity from rising. They had girlfriends before they met? Did that mean they were both bisexual then? She shook her head again, knowing it was none of her business.The waiter came to take their order, distracting them from the topic at hand. When he took left, the conversation turned to more normal, safe topics. Amanda had to admit, she actually enjoyed the two men’s company. Maybe seeing the two men together was what she needed to get over this ridiculous obsession with her boss.

She could hope, at least.


	3. Chapter Three

_Amanda sighed in pleasure as his lips grazed her stomach which was now bare, her clothes having been discarded only moments earlier. The barely there kisses were deliberately torturous by nature, as they set her skin on fire. She gasped in surprise as she felt a slight nip on her skin, before the lips continued to go lower and lower on their journey down her body. ‘Frank’ she moaned, as he kissed the inside of her thighs, his lips slowly making their way back up towards her core._

Her alarm went off; waking her up from another dream filled with fantasies she no longer had any control over. Her dreams were the same every night. If she wasn’t dreaming about Gerard, it was Frank, sometimes even both together which left her feeling ashamed and confused. She felt like she was barely clinging on to her sanity. She was like a child who wanted what they couldn’t have. Except it wasn’t a toy she wanted. She wanted a living, breathing person and no amount of crying, tantrum pulling or pleading was going to change the predicament she had gotten herself into.She had unwillingly fallen in love with her boss. She fought it as hard as she could, she told herself a million times over that it was never going to happen but it didn’t matter. Her heart didn’t want to listen to her brain. The heart wanted what the heart wanted, and the worst part of it was that it wanted a person that was so completely and utterly out of her reach that it was nearly impossible to find a person more unattainable in almost every sense of the word.

Jealously consumed her entire being as soon as she heard mention of the name Frank. Her insides twisted to the point of almost physical pain when she thought about how he got to kiss those lips, and run his hands through those raven locks as much as he wanted. Her dreams involving Frank also confused her to no end. She couldn’t deny that she found him extremely attractive, and she had enjoyed his company immensely during the lunch hour she spent in his presence. He came across as smart and articulate with a dry, sarcastic sense of humour which she found endearing. His smile was so adorable that she couldn’t help but smile back at him, but he was no Gerard.

Work was fine as long as she wasn’t in Gerard’s presence. The moment he was within a few feet of her she could feel her brain cells ceasing to work the way they should. She was finding it increasingly difficult to hide just how edge she felt whenever he was around. She also couldn’t help but get the feeling he knew the effect he had on her. It wasn’t anything explicitly said, but more in the knowing looks he gave and the side smirk that appeared on his face when she jumped due to sudden unexpected contact. Whether or not he knew didn’t really matter anyway, it wouldn’t stop her from feeling the way she did. At this point, she didn’t think anything would.

*****

She had the worst beginning to a morning in the history of the world. Her alarm didn’t go off and she slept in, barely getting up in time to have a quick shower before jumping into her car. Her car then chose that moment to suddenly give up when she was already cutting it close to making it in on time. She knew that as nice as Gerard was, he would be beyond pissed if she turned up late, even if it was only ten minutes. She managed to hail down a taxi, and made it in on time by the skin of her teeth. She paid her fare and ran into the building; the panic she had gotten herself into wouldn’t disappear completely until she was at her desk and logged in.

The minute she spent waiting in the elevator gave her the time to catch her breath and breathe again, and she hoped her face wasn’t too red with all her rushing around.As she walked out of the elevator and onto the floor, she noticed that the usual cheerful chattering she would hear was suspiciously quiet as everyone appeared to be speaking in low voices. She found it scarily eerie; no office should be that quiet.She gave a puzzled look to one of the graphic artists that she was on somewhat friendly terms with, hoping he would tell her what was going on. He beckoned her over, not wanting to be heard, although with how quiet the place was she was certain his naturally loud voice would be heard.

‘Watch yourself today Amanda, Way is on the war path. He came in about twenty minutes ago and he was not in a good mood. He slammed his office door so loud that it actually made my coffee spill. He’ll take it out on you somehow. Keep your head down, okay?’ He said this in a rushed voice, obviously afraid Gerard would somehow overhear him from his office.

‘Thanks Dave’ she muttered, dreading going anywhere near Gerard’s office. She had been told about his temper, and if she believed what she was told it was a free for all when it came to who bore the brunt of it. However got it would be left in tears according to the gossip. One person actually left after a particularly bad tongue lashing from Gerard.She would just have to do her best to not make any mistakes today and keep her head down as Dave had said.She made her way to her desk and quietly logged in, seeing that Gerard’s door was closed, which was unusual unless he had a client.

She had just sat down when the door open, and she felt the low atmosphere drop even further when Gerard stepped out.

‘How nice of you to make it in this morning, Amanda. It’s good to know Lisa picked a punctual and reliable person to replace her,’ he approached her desk, and threw a bundle of papers on her desk.‘If it’s not too much trouble for you to do your job, could you get these typed up instead of standing around gossiping?’

His voice was cold, and filled with venom. It seemed she was the target for his temper tantrum today. She nodded at him, afraid to open her mouth for fear of encouraging him to continue attacking her.He stared at her a moment, waiting for her to make a false move before he turned back towards his office.

‘Get me some coffee while you’re sitting around doing nothing’ he said without looking at her, before slamming his door viciously.

The rest of the office looked at her with expressions that ranged from sympathy at being the chosen one to relief that it wasn’t them on the receiving end of his anger.With shaking legs she stood back up and went to the canteen, and poured Gerard his coffee while she got herself a tea, hoping it would calm her nerves. If she got too nervous that was when she made a million fuck ups, so she needed to remain as calm as possible and not respond to Gerard’s temper. She wondered what the hell had crawled up his ass. She hadn’t done anything wrong, nor had anyone else as far as she was aware. Maybe something had happened in his personal life to make him so hostile this morning. Whatever it was, she hoped he would get over it quickly; the last thing she needed was to have to deal with his temper all day.

****

Luck was not on her side today. She had spent the whole morning being on the receiving end of Gerard’s anger. It took the form of snide, subtle comments that questioned her ability to do a satisfactory job. She was fuming on the inside, her body shaking with repressed anger. She was never one to hold her anger in and she knew she was close to breaking point. It was only a few minutes before lunch time and she was counting them down, each passing minute getting her closer to her one hour reprieve from Gerard's wrath. She thanked God it was Friday, once today was over she would have two days to get away from him. She was pulled away from her thoughts as Gerard stormed out of his office and headed straight towards her with pages in his hands.

‘Amanda, what do you think it is you’re paid to do here?’ He asked, unrepressed anger lacing his voice.

‘Is something the matter?’ she asked with barely concealed exasperation. She was inching closer to her breaking point.

‘The fact that you can’t do basic spell check is the matter. You did four years of college so I assumed that using a spell checker on a basic programme was within your capabilities.’

‘Well maybe if you weren’t being such an ass all day and throwing things my way I would have!’ She snapped, her voice rising slightly as she lost control of her temper.

The office went silent. She could hear people breathing, and she found it disconcerting. She realised in that moment she had made a big mistake as the deathly silence continued.

‘I’m sorry for expecting you to have a basic level of competence and professionalism. If I had known that the two were well below your ability I would never have allowed Lisa to hire you. This isn’t school, and I shouldn’t have to stand over and to make sure you do your job properly.’

His voice sounded almost gleeful, she had given him the ammunition he needed to justify his behaviour.

‘You know what Amanda, just go home. You’re no use to me here at the moment. Maybe on Monday you’ll start doing the job I actually hired you for.’

He turned and left without another word, slamming his office door for the hundredth time that day.

Amanda had tears in her eyes. She had never felt so belittled or humiliated in all her life. She was always one to stand up for herself but she just stood there and took his insults and abuse, and now she was left feeling miserable and ashamed.Nobody in the office said anything as she logged herself out and picked up her bag and coat. Everybody seemed afraid of being the one to break the camel’s back and finally make her cry.She all but ran out of the office, ignoring all the looks of sympathy and pity that were being thrown her way. She just wanted to leave and never come back. She got into the lift and took a deep breath, hoping it would ease the anger that was coursing through her veins. What made her angrier than anything else was that she knew if he came to her now and apologised she would forgive him on the spot. She would let him get away with anything, including treating her like dirt, just because of her stupid, irrational feelings. She was in a daze as she exited the lift and headed towards the building’s door. She walked straight into someone, stumbling as she was saved from falling to the ground by a pair of steady hands.

‘Sorry’ she mumbled, before she had gotten a look at who she had bumped into.

‘It’s okay.’

She looked up sharply, recognising the voice.

‘Oh, Frank, I’m sorry, I was in a daze’ She said, hating that her voice betrayed the fact that she was close to tears.

‘Are you ok?’ He asked, sounding concerned.

She was about to answer ‘I’m fine’, when she did the unthinkable. She burst into tears.

‘Oh Jesus’ Frank sighed lowly, before pulling her into a hug.

She didn’t listen to her automatic instinct to pull away.

‘Let me guess, Gerard was being acting like a toddler throwing a tantrum?’

She nodded against his shoulder, afraid to speak knowing she wouldn’t be able to speak a coherent sentence with the hiccups that would come.

‘Fucking asshole’ he muttered. ‘Don’t take it personally Amanda, we had an argument last night, whatever he said he didn’t mean.’

She nodded again, pulling away from Frank and looking at him.

‘I was just going to see if we could talk on his lunch, probably not a good idea, huh?’ he asked, smiling as he finished.

She shook her head.

‘I got thr-thrown out so probably not.’

‘What?’ he asked, shock in his voice.

‘He told me to come back Monday.’

Frank looked at her for a moment.

‘I have an idea. I’m thinking you look like you could do with a drink, and I sure as hell do. C’mon’ he said, grabbing her hand and dragging her out of the building without looking back.

 

 


	4. Chapter Four

 

They didn’t speak as Frank continued to hold her hand, leading them through the busy midday street. They walked for no more than five minutes in an oddly comfortable silence until they reached a dangerously dingy looking bar. Frank turned to looked at her, raising his eyebrow as though challenging her back out.She smiled in response, which was all Frank needed before he pulled her into the bar.Once they were inside Amada was surprised to find that it wasn’t as bad as she thought it would be. It was dark, but it had a nice grungy feel that she liked. There were posters all over the wall and the speakers were blaring decent rock music. Given that it was only a little after midday the place was empty. They approached the bar, where there was a lone bartender sorting out bottles of spirits on a shelf. Upon seeing them approach the dark haired man turned around to face them, a smile lighting up his face as Amanda thought he was very young looking to be a bar man, and extremely tall.

‘Frank, how’s it going?’ the barman asked, greeting Frank with familiarity as Amanda noticed his sleeve of tattoos. The man screamed sex and rock and roll with his lip piercing, tight jeans and stunningly blue eyes. His deep voice made Amanda shiver in pleasure, and she knew her face flushed with embarrassment at her reaction.

‘Hey Andy, not too bad, you still working in this dive?’ Frank responded teasingly, with an easy smile as he took a seat.

‘It pays the bills man, have to live on something until the band gets signed’ Andy replied, showing his perfectly straight teeth as he smiled. ‘Not all of us are well paid music producers’ he laughed.

Frank laughed; his giggle was girly and surprisingly high pitched considering how deep his voice was.

‘Who’s your friend?’ Andy asked Frank, looking at Amanda.

‘Oh, Amanda this is Andy, Andy this is Amanda, she works for Gerard at Dark Horse.’

Andy stuck his hand out, and Amanda knew she was blushing under his gaze as she raised a trembling hand to grasp his.

‘Nice to meet you’ he said, his voice sounding husky as he gave a flirtatious smile.

‘Likewise.’ Amanda mumbled, trying and failing not to act like a sixteen year old who was talking to her high school crush.

Frank had a knowing smile on his face and gave a low chuckle.This brought Andy’s attention back to Frank.

‘So, what can I get you? The usual?’ Andy asked, his gaze now back on Frank.

‘Sounds good. Amanda?’ Frank turned to look at Amanda.

‘I don’t care as long as it has alcohol in it.’

Frank giggled, and Andy gave a short bark of a laugh.

‘I think I know just the thing.’ Andy said, and he turned away from them.

Amanda and Frank watched with interest as Andy mixed a cocktail, which Amanda was pleased to see contained a lot of alcohol.Frank looked thoughtful for a second.

‘Make one for me while you’re at it.’ He asked.

‘Already was. This is a new creation I was working on; you can be my guinea pigs. I’m thinking of calling it “The Mind Fuck.” ’

‘Sounds good already. It better work. ’ Frank said, his voice losing its cheery edge for a moment. Amanda remembered he said he had fought with Gerard the night before, which he was obviously still angry over.

‘It will, trust me. One of these should get you at least half wasted. Or completely twisted if you’re a lightweight’ Andy replied confidently, either not noticing the change in Frank’s voice or just plain ignoring it.

After a couple of minutes, Andy placed the electric blue coloured drink in front of them.

‘On the house since you’re guinea pigs. Let me know what you think.’ He said, a proud smile on his face making him look even younger.

Amanda didn’t hesitate to grab the drink and take a sip through her straw as Andy and Frank both watched to see her reaction. Words could not describe how amazing the drink tasted. Before she realised what she doing she gave a little moan of pleasure.

‘Oh my God, this is amazing.’ She said as soon as she swallowed her drink, choosing to ignore her embarrassment.

The moment she said that, Frank took a sip. He raised his eyebrows as he savoured the taste, and responded with a ‘Tastes good, Andy.’

‘Ha. Let me know how you feel after you finish.’ Andy said with a slightly evil smile which was also sexy. Evil, but sexy.

A few hours later Amanda was completely twisted. The cocktail had served its purpose, having gotten Frank and Amanda drunk after the first round much to Andy’s delight. His cocktail was a success in making Frank and Amanda forget the person who had pushed them to seek solace in alcohol and each other in the first place. They had two more rounds of ‘The Mind Fuck’ before they made the decision to try and sober up by drinking beer. When Andy finished up a couple of hours later he joined them, as people slowly dripped in after a long week of work. Frank was giggling beside Amanda, as the three were deep in discussion about everything and nothing.

‘Oh my God, I can’t believe that! How did she even buy it?’ Amanda asked through her laughter.

‘I was over six foot by the time I was fifteen, and I just avoided birthdays and shit. You should have seen her face when I told I was fifteen instead of eighteen.’ Andy laughed, pride clearly showing on his face.

‘The poor girl!’ Amanda sympathised, while still giggling.

‘Nah, she was a total bitch so I wouldn’t feel too bad for her.’

‘You’re mean.’

‘I never said I wasn’t.’

‘At least you’re honest about your meanness I suppose. Plus she did sound like a bitch from what you told me.’

‘She was. I’m just sorry I didn’t piss her off more.’

‘Meow.’ Frank said in a girly voice.

Frank’s ringtone started blaring, making him jump.He took it out of his pocket and stared at the screen for a moment before ignoring the call.

‘Ooohh, someone’s in Frank’s bad books.’ Andy teased.

‘Fucking Gerard.’ Frank slurred, sounding angry for the first time since they started drinking.

‘What did he do?’

‘Besides being a total schizophrenic asshole drama queen pulling a tantrum? Nothing.’

Andy snorted with laughter while Amanda almost spat her drink out.

‘That is the most scarily accurate depiction of Gerard I’ve ever heard.’ Amanda said.

‘He got on your bad side too?’ Andy inquired with a smile.

‘He’s a dick who needs to learn to control his temper’ she said with venom, putting her drink down with a bang for emphasis.

‘Is this the official ‘Gerard Way is an asshole’ club? Because I gotta say if it is I’m in, I always wanted to join a club!’ Andy enthused, his eyes lighting up with excitement.

‘I would set it up, but it would only give the fucker satisfaction knowing we were talking about him.’ Frank grumbled.

They were interrupted by another phone, as Andy’s phone lit up and vibrated with a buzz on the table. Andy picked the phone up and read the text message, his smile growing wider with every second.

‘That’s my girl, I better get home before she kicks my ass’ he said, sounding far from concerned as he out his jacket on.

Frank made a cracked whip sound, which Andy ignored.

‘Nice meeting you Amanda’ he said, giving her a sweet smile and shaking her hand.

‘Nice meeting you too’ she replied, genuinely disappointed at the loss of his company and finding out he had a girlfriend.

‘Later Bro’ he said to Frank, pulling him into a manly hug before he left them with a wave.

‘So… what shall we do now?’ Amanda asked, suddenly feeling awkward now that it was just her and Frank alone.

‘Okay, we have two options. One - we stay here and drink. Two - we go somewhere else and drink. Wait… no, we have a third option. Three - we go to my place and drink.’

‘I like that all those options. They all involve one of my two favourite things in the world.’

Frank giggled his girly laugh again. Amanda found it endearing rather than annoying. She would be lying if she said it was nothing to do with how adorable he looked when he laughed and showed his perfectly straight teeth, and how his eyes lit up and sparkled with amusement, and how his nose scrunched up slightly and-

‘Earth to Amanda!’ Frank waved a hand in front of her face; bringing her out of her thoughts.

‘I don’t know Frank. I’m think I’m drunk enough as it is’ she said, not liking where her musings had taken her.

‘No you’re not if you can say that. I vote my place. We can watch some movies and shit.’

He didn’t wait for her to reply before he dragged her up from her chair while grabbing her bag and lead her out of the bar. Amanda stumbled along, clutching onto Frank’s hand for support. She wondered how Frank could walk so straight after all the alcohol they had consumed. He walked ahead of her, giving her a perfect view of his ass. His jeans seemed to highlight his perfectly shaped ass, and Amanda could not stop herself from admiring it.

‘No harm in looking’ she said to herself.

Then she realised she said it aloud when Frank turned to look at her with a questioning look.

‘Huh?’

‘Nothing’ she said, knowing her flushed face would probably give her away.

He didn’t question her any further, as they exited the bar and Frank hailed a taxi. It was now dark, and the streets were busy with people who were looking to start their weekend with a bang. Amanda did not pay attention as Frank gave his address, and she zoned out as she let her thoughts slip back to Gerard. Why did she have to develop feelings for him? If she had been smart enough to stop herself from falling for him she wouldn’t have been so easily riled up earlier. He was so angry that she wondered if she would even have a job on Monday. Did she even want to go back? Her life would be made a lot easier if she just quit. She could get over him, and maybe eventually even forget him.

Frank was happily talking to the cab driver and didn’t appear to notice Amanda’s sudden change of mood. They got to their destination in less than fifteen minutes, with Frank paying the cab driver as Amanda slowly got out, trying not to fall. She gazed up at the house in front of her and her mouth dropped slightly. It was the size of a small mansion, painted perfectly white with a dark mahogany door and mahogany framed windows. There was a huge pathway up to house and it was surrounded by a large garden which was well taken care of with its neatly trimmed bushes, tidied flower beds and mowed grass. It was a huge place for one person. She turned to look at Frank, who had been studying her reaction.

‘You must be loaded.’ She said without thinking.

Frank laughed.

‘Well, between me and Gerard, we make a decent bit of money so we decided to splash out.’

Amanda felt like a bucket of cold water had been poured over her, and she wanted to kick herself for not realising before that Frank and Gerard probably lived together. They had been together for years, of course they would. Frank seemed to understand what was going through her mind.

‘He’s not going to be here. He might get angry at work but at home he’s a passive aggressive fucker. He’s probably staying at Mikey’s tonight. I’d really rather not be alone tonight.’

She nodded, still feeling like this was ultimately a bad idea.

He took her hand, something that had become a bit of a habit for him. He led her up to the front door as he took his keys out. He opened the door and pulled her inside. The house was in complete darkness for a few seconds as Frank fumbled around for the light. The light hurt her eyes when it came on, and it took a few moments for her eyes to properly adjust. She didn’t get a chance to take in the entrance hall when Frank spoke.

‘Follow me’ he said, as he walked down the hallway into a room on the right.

She stepped inside the room and saw a massive flat screen television on the wall. On either side of the television there were built book shelves in the walls packed with DVDs. There were hundreds of DVDs easily. In the centre of the room there were two couches, each big enough for two adults to sleep in comfortable. There was a bar area to the left of the room, and Amanda could see that there was almost every type of spirit imaginable behind the bar. The room for built for entertainment.

‘Oh my god, this is amazing!’

‘I know!’ Frank said, pleased with her reaction. ‘Go pick a movie and I’ll make us some drinks.’

Amanda didn’t hesitate to walk over to one of the shelves, her eyes quickly searching through the vast collection. She spent a few minutes finding a movie before she finally decided on one.

‘Got one!’ She said, as she reached up on her tippy toes to grab it. She struggled to reach it, and she cursed her small legs and arms.

Suddenly she felt Frank behind her. He put one hand on her hip and he reached to the DVD easily. She turned around to face him and felt her breath hitch as she realised just how close they were. She could smell his cologne, and it seemed to heighten her senses. She suddenly felt the overwhelming desire to pounce on him. Their gaze locked onto each other for a few seconds, the room suddenly tense. In a flash Frank had his lips on hers, and Amanda didn’t hesitate to respond. The alcohol had dulled her ability to think about the consequences of her actions and she let her hormones override her sense of what was right. Frank’s hand held onto her hips, and she was forcibly pushed back into the shelf as their kiss became more passionate and hungry.

‘Are you fucking kidding me?’

They suddenly broke apart as though given an electric shock, looking towards the door to see a very angry Gerard staring at them.

 


	5. Chapter Five

Frank and Amanda continued to stare at Gerard. Amanda felt a thrill of fear shoot through her when she saw the dangerous look on Gerard’s face. If looks could kill her and Frank would both have died a thousand horrible painful deaths in that moment under Gerard’s murderous stare. She felt ashamed, even in her highly inebriated state as she realised that she had fucked up, badly. She couldn’t quite comprehend just how badly she messed up until she saw the look on Frank’s face and realised that she had not only screwed up her own life, she had also had also taken part in destroying someone else’s relationship.  
  
‘Are you fucking kidding me Frank? Really Frank?’ Gerard asked again, his voice rising with every word spoken, his tone pure venom. ‘We’ve already spoken about this, you know how I feel about it! I told you not to go near her!’  
  
‘No, you talked and as always you just expected me to comply with no discussion.’ Frank shot back, equally angry. ‘We’ve had an open relationship for the past three year and you never had a problem with it before! What changed Gerard? We had a good thing going that was mutually beneficial, and now suddenly you’re looking for monogamy and commitment?’  
  
Amanda’s eyes widened at this information, suddenly feeling used. Did Frank plan all this just to make a point?  
  
‘I don’t know, maybe because I’m sick of sharing you with others Frank? Did you ever think of that?’ Gerard responded, shouting with force.  
  
‘Bullshit Gerard, it never bothered you before! You know I love you, hell I gave up _everything_ for you so don’t you dare insult my intelligence. Ever since I came back from that trip you’ve-‘  
  
Frank stopped suddenly, looking at Amanda as his eyes widened as though something clicked in his mind.  
  
‘Oh my God’ he said with a laugh, his voice quiet in comparison to his yelling seconds earlier. ‘You’re pissed because you’re jealous. Not of her but _me._ You want her.’  
  
Gerard’s expression turned to stone but his lack of expression seemed to give Frank the confirmation he needed.  
  
‘All this time I’ve been thinking that you didn’t trust me, but it’s yourself you don’t trust! You like her too much. And it kills you that you can’t have her because of work so you don’t want me to have her either. You’re fucking priceless Gerard, truly a one in a million. You fucking hypocrite.’  
  
Amanda felt as though she was having an outer body experience as she stayed where she was, unable to move or speak as the scene played out in front of her. It was like being at a theatre show, where the actors were in the flesh right in front of you but you can’t interfere, because while you’re there, you don’t exist. Gerard remained silent, not wanting to admit Frank was right but he was unable to deny that what he said struck too close to home. Frank just shook his head, exasperated and drunk.  
  
‘I’m not gonna lie and say I don’t find her attractive but, it doesn’t go beyond that Frank. There’re no feelings above friendship.’ Gerard’s voice was calm and collected, but Amanda could tell that underneath he was nervous.  
  
‘Liar’ Frank hissed, looking hurt. ‘All I’ve ever asked of you was complete honesty Gerard. What’s the point in any of this if you can’t be honest with me?’  
  
Amanda’s heart broke a little when she saw the look on his face. He looked like a puppy that had been kicked by the master it adored. Gerard’s expression softened and he looked down to the floor with a look that showed the guilt he felt.  
  
‘Fine, you want the truth Frank?’ He spoke suddenly, looking up again sharply. ‘I want her, more than I should. I have feelings for her but I _love_  you. I’m not perfect Frank. Sometimes I want things I can’t have. The reason I haven’t touched her isn’t because of work, it’s because I’m afraid of the consequences. When we agreed to have an open relationship it was with the understanding that it was only sex, and that if we developed feelings for other people that was it, we were done. I don’t want to lose you Frank. You say you gave up everything for me, but don’t forget I gave up a lot too. We both sacrificed for this relationship, and I don’t want that to suddenly disappear and turn to nothing.’  
  
Amanda felt like she couldn’t breathe. He admitted he wanted her; he even had feelings for her. She couldn’t help the little flutter that developed in her stomach at this knowledge, even if it meant nothing. She had already accepted that she could never have him. Frank stared at Gerard for a moment, biting his lip as he contemplated how to react to this. This was clearly a make or break for them, and Amanda wanted to leave. This was a private moment for them and she didn’t want to be there as they decided the fate of their relationship.  
  
‘In a perfect scenario, what would you have Gerard? Forget about what you think I want. What do you want?’  
  
The tension in the room intensified as the men stared at each other, as Frank raised his eyebrow in some sort of unspoken challenge.  
  
‘In a perfect scenerio? I'd want you  _and_  her.’  
  
The sentence was met with silence.  
  
‘What do you mean, some sort of three way relationship?’ Frank responded with a giggle of disbelief.  
  
‘You asked what I wanted in a perfect scenario. I gave you an honest answer. What do you expect me to say Frank? You made me admit I had feelings for her, did you suddenly expect me to take it back? I’ve never been one for conventional relationships, and we’ve had an open relationship for years Frank, at your suggestion may I add. I don’t want to screw other people anymore, but I want you and I want Amanda. You obviously want her too. Why not agree to a three way relationship, is it really going to be much different? Instead of fucking multiple random people,we have one other person who we both want.’  
  
Amanda was stunned, as she slowly realised just what it was Gerard meant.  
  
‘Are you fucking serious?’ She suddenly spoke, making Gerard and Frank jump  as though they had forgotten she was there.  
  
‘ _They probably had[_ ’ Amanda thought dryly.  
  
‘Why not?’ Gerard challenged.  
  
‘Because…’ Amanda spluttered, ‘it’s wrong! That’s not how relationships work!’  
  
‘Says who? Society? Fuck society. For years it tried to tell us that homosexuality was wrong, that women should stay at home and be treated like second class citizens who shouldn’t have a say about what they can do with their own bodies. Society has proven time and time again that it gets things wrong. Why can’t people live their lives the way they want as long as they don’t hurt others?’ Gerard retorted with feeling, and Amanda got the feeling this was something he had thought about.  
  
Amanda fell silent, not knowing how to reply. She looked at Frank, who had a thoughtful expression on his face. Was he actually considering it? Frank looked at Amanda for a fleeting moment before he looked at Gerard again.  
  
‘If I agreed, would it make you happy?’ He questioned.  
  
‘Yes.’ Gerard’s answer was short and blunt.  
  
‘Oh my god’ Amanda mumbled, shaking her head as she wondered how she had managed to get herself into this situation.  
  
‘What’s the big deal Amanda? I know you want me,  you’ve made your feelings very obvious. You obviously want Frank, or else you wouldn’t be here right now. What’s wrong with three consenting adults living their lives in a way that suits them and satisfies their needs?’  
  
Gerard made his way towards her as he spoke, crossing the room quickly until he was right in front of Frank and Amanda. Amanda swallowed, feeling slightly intimidated as he gazed at her leisurely with a heated expression.

‘Shouldn’t people be able to live the way they want?’ He spoke softly, his hazel eyes remaining on her bright blue eyes.  
  
Without warning, he suddenly pulled her towards him and captured her lips with his own.  
  
‘ _What am I getting myself into?_ ’ She thought, returning his kiss with equal passion before she stopped thinking and gave in with blissful abandon


	6. Chapter Six

 

When Amanda woke up the next day her body was sore and aching. She groaned and shifted slightly, before she realised she was trapped in between two bodies, both of which had an arm around her hip and waist . The memory of last night came back in a flood, her brain aching from the over consumption of alcohol. It came back to her in bits and pieces, and some of it was a blur. She remembered being dragged upstairs to the bedroom, where they wasted no time in taking each other’s clothes off. The rest was a blur of images of her with Gerard fucking on the bedroom floor, her and Frank on the huge bed that Frank and Gerard claimed as their own and watching Frank and Gerard together, which was an oddly erotic sight. She never thought she would find voyeurism a turn on, especially when it involved two men. She rubbed her face, her head hurting and a sinking feeling in her stomach that was mixing unpleasantly with the soured alcohol. In retrospect, maybe it hadn’t been a very good idea to screw her boss and his boyfriend. She kept her eyes closed, not wanting to wake up and face the reality of the situation she had gotten herself into. Her hangover was enough to deal with on its own without the added complication of dealing with Gerard and Frank.  
  
As much as she tried not to think about it, she couldn’t stop Gerard’s words from last night racing through her head. Was what he wanted actually possible? A relationship between two people was hard enough to maintain, adding another person into the mix would make it a train wreck waiting to happen surely? Trying to keep one person’s wants, needs and emotions in balance with your own flaws was a tough job that Amanda had always had a hard time managing. All her previous relationships had suffered because she was either too selfish to consider the impact of her actions on the other person, or the other person just didn’t care about her enough to want to make her happy. Her lack of experience when it came to relationships was really hitting her now, as she felt the weight of what she had silently agreed to last night fall on top of her. Could she handle it?  
  
She was a jealous person by her very nature. Even as a child she always envied the toys her older sister or friends had instead of just enjoying her own perfectly nice toys her parents had gotten for her. She would never show her jealousy as she got older, knowing that her obsessive coveting was a flaw that could be used against her. It also made her work harder, as she competed with her friends to make sure she had the best grades, the best work ethic, the best of everything. Part of the reason she had applied for the job in the first place was because one of her friends had gotten a well paid job just out of college. Amanda made sure to get an even better paid job, not out of spite but, because she knew if she didn’t do it the jealousy would consume her to the point where she would destroy her friendship. She always wanted more than she could have, and now she had agreed to share a person she had spent the last few weeks obsessing over with his boyfriend. While she had enjoyed watching the two of them together last night, the idea of Gerard and Frank together all the time made her stomach twist uncomfortably. Gerard had admitted he had feelings for her last night, but he was in love with Frank. She knew she would be the third wheel in the relationship, the one that would be left behind should the need arise. While she knew it was the way it should be, Gerard’s and Frank’s history together couldn’t let it be otherwise, she knew that eventually it would wear her down. This was one situation when she couldn’t compete to gain more of Gerard’s affections, and deep down, she knew she shouldn’t. While Frank had made the moves on her last night she knew that he loved Gerard, she could see it in his eyes when he had agreed to Gerard’s suggestion. She didn’t want to be the one to cause Frank pain. Even though she didn’t know him very well, she knew him well enough to know he was a good person, who was probably too good for Gerard.  
  
She was taken away from her thoughts when she felt the arm that was slung over her waist move, tightening around her and pulling her back into a warm body. The person cradled their head into the back of her neck as he released a soft moan. She could feel their warm breath on her neck, and she couldn’t help the shaky breath she released as it sent a comfortable shiver of awareness down her spine. Realising she was awake, she felt the person’s lips on her neck placing a soft kiss before smiling against her skin. She opened her eyes and saw Gerard was still sleeping in front of her.  
  
‘Does your head hurt as much as mine does right now?’ she heard Frank’s voice speak softly behind her and she could almost wear the wince of pain in his voice.  
  
‘I think it hurts more’ she replied in a whisper.  
  
He groaned in pain and then sighed.  
  
‘I think we need my hangover cure’ he whispered, as he pulled his body away from hers and got out of bed. She heard his feet treading lightly on the wooden floor and heard drawer opening. He shuffled about for a few seconds as he got dressed before she heard his deep voice speak again.  
  
‘Here’ he said, throwing a top over to the spot he had just vacated on the bed. ‘You can wear that if you want.’  
  
She sat up gingerly before tentatively taking the top into her hands. It was long enough to be a dress for her, and gratefully pulled it on over her head.  
  
‘C’mon’ he said, nudging his head towards the door.  
  
She left the bed as gently as she could, not wanting to disturb Gerard from his slumber. She walked over to Frank, who took her hand and lead her out the door.  
  
He took her back downstairs as Amanda followed him without question, feeling too hung-over to put up any resistance. For a person who seemed so submissive to Gerard, he was surprisingly authoritative when it came to her, leading her places and taking control of situations without any consideration for what her feelings or thoughts were. She was concerned when she realised that she didn’t mind this too much. She was never one to be submissive when it came to her life and what happened in it, but she got the feeling that the control she once had over her life was slowly disappearing before her eyes.  
  
He took her back into the room they had begun in last night. She blushed when she saw her clothes scattered across the floor and remembered Gerard had undressed her as Frank claimed her mouth with his own lips. Frank made his way to the mini bar and gestured for Amanda to sit on one of the stools in front of him as he stood behind the bar counter. He began to make up some concoction that Amanda was certain she didn’t want to know the recipe to, as the smell hit her nostrils, making her stomach lurch. Frank saw the look on her face, and smiled with a wicked gleam in his eyes.  
  
‘It smells and taste awful, but trust me, in half an hour you’ll feel better.’ He promised.  
  
He poured the cocktail into two glasses, handing one to Amanda who questioned whether she should take the risk of drinking it.  
  
‘Just drink it, you’ll thank me for it later.’ He demanded in a firm voice, as he tipped his glass to his lips. As though on instinct she immediately raised her own glass and drink it down in two gulps in order to avoid tasting it. It didn’t work and she gagged slightly, her hand rising to cover her mouth as she spluttered ungraciously.  
  
‘Oh my God, that was vile.’ She gasped out, her nose scrunched up in disgust.  
  
‘I know, but it really is the hair of the dog. I’ll stick on some TV, we can watch some cartoons and tell me how you feel in half an hour.’  
  
He walked out from behind the bar and headed over to one of the couches in front of the giant flat screen TV on the wall. She followed him soundlessly, flopping down on the couch beside him as he used the remote the flick through the channels before he found something acceptable for them to watch. He put the remote down and rested his arm on the side of the couch, pulling Amanda against his body with his other arm. She didn’t protest, resting her head on his shoulder as she cuddled into him, enjoying the warmth and comfort of his body. She knew it wouldn’t be too long before Gerard woke up and she wanted to use the down time to gather her thoughts before the inevitable awkward conversation about what last night meant happened.


	7. Chapter Seven

Frank and Amanda sat on the couch comfortably for at least half an hour before Amanda felt the worst of her hangover subside. The pounding had gone down to a dull ache and she felt like she could possibly contemplate the idea of eating some honest to goodness, greasy, heart clogging food. She let out a sigh and cuddled closer into Frank without thinking, her body seeking out his body heat instinctively. He tightened his arm around her and rested his chin on top of her head for a while as they continued watching TV.  
  
‘Is it working?’ He asked his voice low and soothing.  
  
‘The cure? Yeah, thank you. I think I would’ve died if you hadn’t made it for me. I owe you one’ she giggled.  
  
‘I can think of a way you can thank me’ Frank murmured in a low voice that made Amanda shiver, before he caught her chin and lifted her lips to his own smooth lips. The kiss was sweet and gentle at first, unlike the previous night were everything was hot, heavy and passionate. There was no tongue at first; the kiss wasn’t much more than a light brushing of his lips against hers. Amanda could feel the spark of desire again as she pressed her body against his, her body acting on impulse as she added more pressure to the kiss. Frank took this as an invitation to take things further, gently pushing Amanda into a lying position on the couch before quickly climbing on top of her. He reattached their lips in a flash, before he bit her bottom lip, making her gasp as she registered the mild stinging pain. He invaded her mouth with his tongue, moving one of his hands under the t-shirt she was wearing, caressing her hip with a barely there touch. His hand trailed slowly towards her breast, Amanda’s breathing becoming laboured as his touch set her skin ablaze.  
  
They heard the sound someone clearing their throat behind them. Frank pulled away, making Amanda groan with displeasure as they turned to see Gerard watching them with an amused expression on his face. Amanda’s face burned, his gaze on her making her feel awkward as she wondered how he felt about his boyfriend feeling her up. Judging by the smirk on his face, he wasn’t too cut up about it.  
  
‘I made coffee.’  
  
With that, he walked back out of the room without another word. Frank sighed and removed his body off her, sitting up into a kneeling position and running a hand through his hair. Amanda looked at him pleadingly, what she was pleading for she wasn’t sure of but, she suddenly felt bereft as he stood up from the couch, grabbing Amanda’s hand to pull her up and off the couch. She stumbled slightly as she stood, the blood rushing from her head making her feel dizzy momentarily. Frank smiled his sweet smile as he dropped her hand carelessly and nodded towards the door, indicating for her to follow him as he followed Gerard.  
  
She lagged behind him wordlessly, not wanting to make small talk that wouldn’t do anything to help the twisting nausea that was currently in her stomach. Seeing Gerard this morning made her feel nervous and insecure as she tried to comprehend what was going on. While he had said he wanted her last night, he could easily change his mind now that he had gotten what he wanted from her. Did she even have her job anymore? She couldn’t help but feel panic at the idea of being jobless. She had no significant savings, and if she lost her job she would be out on the streets within weeks. Her parents would be disappointed if she had to come crawling back to them at twenty five years of age. She should be able to take care of herself and hold down a job, and at that moment she regretted not keeping her panties on. She let her hormones take over when under the influence of alcohol and now she may have to suffer the consequences.

When they entered the kitchen Amanda’s eyes took in the large room. It was painted white, with a few pieces of art decorating the otherwise plain walls. The large dining table was made of glass which looked beautiful and fragile. The white chairs that accompanied the table fitted in with the white theme of the kitchen. It made the room overly bright and impersonal, and she wondered just how much time the two men actually spent in the room. There was nothing in the kitchen that suggested it was used often, no calendars, post-its or magnets on the fridge to make it give it a homely feel. They had lived together for years and yet she had not seen one photo of the two of them together anywhere. It was quite sad in a way; they had a house together but it seemed as though they hadn’t built a home.  
  
Gerard turned around and smirked when they came in. He continued to lean against the counter and Amanda noticed he was wearing nothing but his boxer shorts. He continued to drink his coffee as they watched them, Frank seemingly oblivious as he walked towards Gerard and grabbed a mug and poured himself some coffee. Amanda stood there awkwardly, feeling like an intruder in the unfamiliar place. She didn’t feel comfortable grabbing herself a glass of water, especially not when Gerard kept his eyes on her. She was sure her cheeks were slightly flushed under his gaze, as they always were. She was certain she would always blush when Gerard stared at her with that hot, piercing look that made her want to melt. The smirk on his face suggested he knew Amanda’s discomfort.  
  
‘You want something to drink?’ he asked, his voice full of amusement.  
  
‘Just water, please.’ she asked softly, all the confidence she had last night seemed to disappear.  
  
He retrieved a bottle form the fridge and handed it to her silently as his fingers touched hers briefly. She took the bottle from him, and let out a silent gasp of shock as he suddenly grabbed her waist and claimed her lips. He released her as quickly as he had grabbed her and went back to drinking his coffee. Amanda was left wondering if she was imagining things. It was the conflicted look on Frank’s face that told her it was real. While Frank and Amanda stood awkwardly in the kitchen, Gerard was finishing his coffee showing no signs that he was feeling the tension which felt suffocating to Amanda.  
  
‘So, I suppose we should talk about last night?’ Gerard spoke calmly as Amanda was finishing her water. With shaking hands she put the bottle down on the breakfast bar, trying to compose herself. Frank put his coffee down and let out a barely audible sigh.  
  
‘Gerard I don’t think it’s gonna work’ Frank said, standing up taller as though gearing himself up for the confrontation ahead.  
  
‘Why not?’’ Gerard questioned, his voice void of emotion.  
  
‘C’mon Gerard¸ even you must realise that there’s a reason people don’t do these relationships. Someone always gets hurt. Jealousy has a way of getting to people and just because you think you’re immune to it doesn’t mean that I’m not. You haven’t even considered whether Amanda is capable of handling the situation.’  
  
‘Hey!’ Amanda interjected ‘I can handle myself, I’m not a child.’  
  
‘I didn’t mean any disrespect’ Frank spoke soothingly ‘I just mean that you’ve probably never had an open relationship before, and those are tough to handle even for people who claim not to be the jealous type. Having this type of relationship is going to involve the other person consistently spending time with another person. I don’t know if I can do it, and to be honest I don’t know if I want to share Gerard with you.’  
  
Amanda flinched at his last sentence, feeling the bite of jealousy in his voice. Of course Frank wouldn’t want to share Gerard with someone on a permanent basis. Whatever about him occasionally sleeping with someone else, this would involve Gerard and her spending time together she assumed. It would also involve Gerard and Frank spending time together without her and the idea alone filled her with jealousy. How could she handle the reality of knowing Gerard was hers, but never really hers?  
  
‘Frank-’ Gerard spoke in an authoritative voice that Amanda recognised from work.  
  
‘No Gerard, God damn it I’m not just going to let this happen. Do you really think I can stand back and watch you have a relationship with someone else? Someone who is bound to get fucking trampled on by you? I know you well enough to know how this will turn out. You like someone who will bend to your every fucking whim and you found someone naïve enough to do it. I’ll get pushed to the sidelines whenever I don’t agree with something and you’ll rub it in my face. Don’t say it won’t happen because we both fucking know that it will.’  
  
Amanda looked down at the floor while Frank made his passionate speech, and she felt a pang for Frank. If she had been in Frank’s position she wouldn’t let someone into her relationship. She realised in that moment that she would have to be the one to do the right thing, even if it cost her. She couldn’t live with the guilt of hurting someone as good as Frank, no matter how much she wanted Gerard. He wouldn’t really be hers anyway, she would be on the sidelines too whenever he wanted Frank.  
  
‘You know what Frank, you’re right’ Amanda spoke as Gerard opened his mouth to respond to Frank ‘I can’t handle it. I’m a jealous person and I’ve never like sharing the things I want. If I can’t have something all to myself than I don’t want it at all.’  
  
Gerard’s smirk, which had fallen while Frank spoke, was set firmly back in place. Amanda realised he enjoyed the fact that there were two people in front of him who coveted him. As much as she hated feeling like a pawn in a game, she realised she still wanted him with every fibre of her being.  
  
‘I think I should go.’ She walked out of the kitchen and went to retrieve her clothes. Finding them in the living room she dressed quickly, part of her secretly hoping Gerard would come after her and tell her that he wanted her, and only her.  
  
She put her shoes on and waited a moment, taking a deep breath before grabbing her bag . As she was about to leave the room, Gerard came in. He leaned against the door frame and looked at her lazily for a moment, while Amanda took in his newly dressed body. Even in casual jeans and baggy t-shirt he still looked amazing.  
  
‘I’ll give you a ride’ He eventually spoke, gesturing for her to follow him as she followed meekly behind.  
  
The walk to the car was quiet, Amanda not knowing what to say. The silence continued as Gerard drove her to her apartment, the music on the stereo being the only sound in the car. She bit her lip, hating how insecure she felt whenever she was with Gerard. She was always afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. When they pulled up to her apartment block, he parked his car and turned the engine off. Amanda waited for him to say something, anything that might make her feel something other than the burning shame and insecurity.  
  
‘Don’t worry about your job. I won’t let what happen interfere with our professional relationship.’ He spoke after a minute of silence.  
  
‘Thanks.’ She replied, not knowing what else to say. There wasn’t anything else she could say.  
  
She waited a few seconds, waiting to see if he had anything else to add. When he didn’t she opened the car door and walked away, forcing herself not to look back as she felt her heart break.

 

 


	8. Chapter Eight

  
Amanda spent her Saturday in her apartment, letting herself wallow in her misery. She watched funny movies all day and ate her weight in ice cream, grateful that her friends Ben and Jerry were always there for her no matter what. She had successfully screwed up in a way she never thought possible. While all her friends were in normal, committed relationships, she was caught in a weird fucked up triangle that would lead to nothing but heartbreak. Walking away was painful, but if she went along with Gerard’s fucked up desires she would be trampled on like Frank said. As much as she liked to think she would be strong enough to stand up for herself, she knew Gerard would get whatever he wanted from her. She was a pushover at heart and Gerard would use it to his advantage. The reason he was so successful was because he knew how to exploit people for his own gain. He was sharp, shrewd and amazingly observant. He probably knew her better than she knew herself, which was something that filled her with fear. Nobody liked the idea of being so easily manipulated by a person who was as dominant as Gerard. She wasn’t a character from Fifty Shades who wanted a strong powerful man to make her decisions for her. She wanted to be herself, and being with Gerard, and Frank, would mean she would lose a part of herself.

As she watched Christian declare his love for Satine on the TV screen, she wondered why she couldn’t find that, someone who wanted her and only her, who wouldn’t be afraid to declare it to the world. Her thoughts started to overwhelm her and she wished that she could be swept into oblivion. Andy’s cocktail from last night would be the perfect solution to her current problem. Making a snap decision, she changed out of her pyjama’s and threw on skinny jeans and a tight fitting t-shirt, looking presentable enough to walk into a bar but not dressed up to impress. She wanted to out and get hammered, not socialise. Throwing her keys and wallet into a bag she slammed the door behind her and made her way to the bar with quick determined steps.

The bar was packed with people, all dressed to the nines and in groups. She made her way to the front bar and smiled when she saw Andy, who was making small talk with a customer. She took a seat close to him, hoping he would notice her. She waited for about five minutes before he glanced at her for a second, doing a double take of recognition. He smiled and nodded at her in acknowledgement, finishing his conversation with the man in front of him before making his way over to her.

‘Back so soon?’ He asked with a wide smile, showing his perfectly straight white teeth.

‘I had a rough night last night and could really do with getting drunk into oblivion. I was hoping you could help’ she couldn’t help but smile back at him. His smile was extremely infectious, making Amanda feel better just by being in his presence.

He laughed.

‘One mind fuck coming up’ he said, turning his back to her and making the blue cocktail that tasted like a piece of heaven. Her mouth watered at the thought of it and she looked forward to the hangover she would have tomorrow, one that would hopefully take up her day and make her forget about Gerard until Monday morning. When Andy returned with the drink she took it from him gratefully, taking a sip the moment it was in her hands.

‘Wanna talk about it?’ Andy asked, his eyes fixed on her as she took a deep sip from the glass.

‘It’s a long story.’

‘They’re my favourite kind of stories.’

‘You wouldn’t believe me.’

‘Give me a try.’

She laughed, taking another long sip making her glass half empty already.

She thought for a moment, wondering how to word the situation she found herself in.

‘I got an interesting…proposition’ she began slowly.

‘Oh’ Andy’s eyebrows raised a cheeky smile on his face that showed she had his full attention.

‘I turned it down, but I can’t get it out of my head. The whole situation is fucked up and I just want to drink myself in oblivion and forget it all for one night.’

‘Is that a good idea?’ He questioned, concern etched on his face. ‘ Hurting yourself won’t make it go away.’

‘No, but it help me let off steam. I can’t talk to my friends about it so I need a way to vent.’

‘You should at least have a drinking buddy to look out for you. It’s not exactly safe for a woman to go out and get hammered by myself. There are a lot of sketchy people around who wouldn’t think twice about taking advantage.’

Amanda rolled her eyes.

‘I don’t need someone to look out for me, I’m a big girl’ she said with a smile, feeling slightly touched by his concern.

He let out a sigh, and checked the time on his watch.

‘Tell you what, I’m finished in half an hour. I’ll keep you company for a while.’

‘I don’t need a babysitter’ she giggled, finishing her drink and enjoying its effects as she felt herself loosening up and begin to relax.

‘Good, ‘cause I suck at babysitting. I am a good drinking buddy though, from what I’ve been told.’ He gave her a charming smile, and she felt herself melt a little bit. She laughed and knew she was blushing as he smiled at her.

‘Well, if you’ve got nothing better to do then I guess your company wouldn’t be a total drag.’ She teased, feeling a bit more confident.

He laughed and cocked an eyebrow at her. He opened his mouth to say something when someone caught his attention.

‘I better go and do my job before my boss gets pissed. Wait here and I’ll join you when I’m finished.’

‘Sure.’

He gave her one last smile before walking away.

She spent the next half an hour staring at Andy when he wasn’t looking at her. He caught her once or twice, giving her a smile and making her blush. Andy seemed like the kind of guy that would be a caring, respectful boyfriend. He barely knew her but, he was looking out for her, so she could only imagine how he would treat a girl he actually cared about. She felt a twinge of sadness over the fact that he was had a girlfriend. Amanda let her thoughts drift into a fantasy world where men didn’t exist and where she would be free from the hassle they brought into her life. She firmly believed that the world would be a more peaceful place if men didn’t inhabit it. She was so lost in her fantasy that she didn’t notice Andy sitting taking the seat beside her, putting a drink and a shot in front of her.

‘Earth to Amanda’ he mocked, waving his hand in front of her as he abruptly wretched her away from her fantasy.

‘Sorry’ she laughed.

‘It’s fine, I’m just curious to know what you were thinking about, whatever it was it sure seemed like fun’ he teased.

‘I was just imagining a world where men didn’t exist. I think the world would be a much better place’ she stated.

‘Ouch, I’ve got a man hater on my hands. Maybe I should leave while I still have my balls intact’ he laughed.

She burst out laughing, finding that once she started she couldn’t stop for a full two minutes. She clutched her stomach, the muscles starting to hurt from their overuse.

‘Damn that cocktail really works’ he noted with a smile, before downing a shot of what looked like Sambuca. He down another one quickly making Amanda raise her eyebrow at him.

‘What? I gotta catch up!’ he said defensively.

‘Hey, I didn’t say anything’ she said, shaking her head.

‘So, tell me more about this proposition.’ He asked, not trying to hide his curiosity.

She bit her lip, wondering how much she should tell him. He knew Frank and Gerard after all, and she didn’t want to tell Andy information about their personal life.

‘There’s this guy in work,’ she began, ‘a guy I really like. The problem is that he’s an asshole, and taken. He then tells me that he not only has feelings for me but that he also wants to be with me.’

‘So, what’s the problem?’

‘Well, he doesn’t want to leave his partner.’

‘Oh, he wants you as a bit on the side?’

‘No, more he wants some weird, fucked up three way relationship.’

‘Wow’ was Andy’s reply, looking stumped for words.

‘That’s a pretty fucked up situation.’ He finally said after a moment of silence.

‘I know. The thing is I actually considered it. I’m in love with this guy and I want him so much, but I can’t stand the idea of having to share him. It’s too much to ask of someone.’

Andy nodded in agreement. ‘It takes a very strong person to be able to handle a relationship like that. Human beings are jealous creatures. We don’t like sharing what we think belongs to us. It’s why we choose monogamy. You have to put yourself first, because guaranteed nobody else will.’

‘I know, which is why I said no. I just, I don’t know, I just can’t help but feel like maybe I did the wrong thing by walking away. I mean, I had a chance to have him, and I threw it away. I’m afraid I’ll regret it when I’m a fifty year old childless crazy cat lady.’

Andy laughed kindly, and placed a hand on her shoulder.

‘A girl as beautiful as you won’t end up a crazy cat lady.’

Amanda scoffed. ‘Somehow I don’t believe that.’

Andy rolled his eyes.’ Now you’re just looking for sympathy. You said no and you have to live with the consequences. You can either mope about and feel sorry for yourself or move on.’

‘And how do I do that?’ she asked.

‘You ever heard the saying ‘Best way to get over a man is to get under one?’

Amanda laughed sarcastically.

‘I don’t think more sex is going to help the situation.’

‘Wait, you mean you slept with him?’

Amanda blushed. ‘Maybe. I may also have possibly have had a threesome with him and his partner.’

‘Shit, you’re one kinky bitch aren’t you, little Miss Butter-Wouldn’t-Melt-In-My-Mouth?’ He elbowed her.

She put her head in her hands.

‘And now I have to face him on Monday. I don’t know how I’ll do it.’

‘Well, don’t think about it. For now, let’s just get wasted and enjoy ourselves.’

‘Amen’ Amanda replied, as she picked up the shot in front of her drinking it in time with Andy.

*******************************************************

Sunday went by in a haze, her hangover working as the perfect distraction. She vaguely remembered Andy putting her in a taxi and making sure she got home safely but all other memories of the night were gone. When Monday morning came about she felt dread in the pit of her stomach. Her instincts were telling her to call in sick and avoid Gerard. However she knew it wouldn’t work, seeing as Gerard didn’t believe in sick days. She cursed when she remembered her car still needed to be fixed, rushing out the door to catch a cab. She made it into work with a few minutes to spare and she used the time to compose herself. Walking into the office, she noticed people were staring at her. It took her a moment to remember the events of Friday. Fucking her boss and his boyfriend had made her forget all about it.

‘Hey Amanda, how are you?’ Gillian asked kindly, patting her on the arm in sympathy.

‘I’m good, had a lazy weekend. You?’

‘I’m good, thanks’ Gillian gave her a sympathetic smile before walking back to her own desk.

Amanda logged in and took a deep breath, closing her eyes briefly in order to collect herself and prepare for seeing Gerard again. She felt his presence and opened her eyes to see him in front of her. The memory of seeing him naked suddenly came back to her, and she blushed as he stared at her with a determined look on his face.

‘Can I have a word in my office?’ He asked, and Amanda was aware of everybody staring at them. She simply nodded, not able to say a word as her throat dried up.

She followed him in silence, closing the door behind her gently and wishing that by some miracle the fire alarm would go off so she could avoid this moment.

‘I’ve been thinking about what you said all weekend’ he started without preamble, getting straight to the point. ‘I understand where you’re coming from, I really do but-‘

‘Gerard please don’t-‘

‘Let me finish!’ he barked ‘I’ve come up with a solution that will satisfy everyone.’

She looked at him perplexed and waited for him to continue.

‘You’re worried about being pushed aside, as is Frank. So, I think you should move in with us.’

Amanda stared at him in disbelief, wondering of this was a joke. She quickly realised it wasn’t.

‘That’s a solution that suits  _you_ Gerard. Do you think I’d want to live in the home you built with someone else? No, no way. I want to forget that this ever happened. I don’t need to be third wheel in someone else’s relationship. Find someone else who’s willing to be a doormat, because I’m out.’

‘You’re rejecting the idea before you’ve even given it a chance’ Gerard hissed with annoyance.

‘You’re right, I am. I’m not an idiot Gerard, and I’m not about to be manipulated into being a pawn in whatever sick game you’re playing. If you want me, I have to have you to myself, not share you like some toy. If you can’t give me that then please just leave me alone. I deserve to have someone who wants me and only me.’

Gerard’s face softened, and she swore he almost looked regretful.

‘I wish I could give you what you wanted Amanda.’ He said with sincerity.

‘I wish you could too.’ Amanda’s eyes filled with tears but she refused to let them fall. She had to be strong, and crying in front of Gerard would only give him the advantage.

‘Is that all?’ She asked, needed to get away from the man who was slowly breaking her heart.

He nodded, looking hurt and pained. Amanda told herself not to fall for it; this was all a game to him. He was only trying to play on her emotions, make her feel guilty for having the audacity to not give him what he wanted. She left quickly and sat at her desk, taking in a calm breath before getting her head down and doing some work.

By lunchtime she was ready to tear her hair out. The work had piled up from her half day on Friday, and she only beginning to start on the work she should have completed by the morning. She saw Gerard leave his office, glancing at her as though considering whether he should talk to her or not. He must have decided on the latter as he walked past her without a word. She worked through most of her lunch time, leaving her desk for a brief fifteen minutes to grab a quick bit to eat before she passed out from hunger. When she arrived back at her desk Gerard had already come back from his lunch, so she managed to avoid him for the rest of the afternoon.

When six o’clock arrived, she was the only person left in the office. The place felt eerie and creepy without all the background noise of people using the phones, copiers and gossiping. She sighed in frustration as she finally finished her work, pissed off and ready to go home and seek comfort with Ben and Jerry again. They always understood. She was beginning to log out of the system when Gerard’s office door open. He looked surprised to see her at her desk as he jumped slightly out of shock.

‘Why are you still here?’ He demanded.

‘I had work to catch up on from Friday. Unless you rather I left it unfinished.’

‘ Of course not.’ He replied softly, regretting being so harsh. ‘Come into my office for a minute’ he said, his hand on the handle of the door. He held the door open and waited for her, letting her enter first. He closed the door behind him, and turned around sharply to face her.

Before she knew it, Gerard stormed over to her and grabbed her waist before pulling her into a kiss. Amanda’s eyes widened in shock as she tried to push him away weakly, her heart not really in it. He walked her backwards to his desk before he grabbed the hem of her skirt and lifted it up while continuing their kiss. He bunched her skirt around her hips, pulling her panties down before grabbing the back of her thighs and sitting her on his desk. Amanda opened her mouth to protest as he broke their kiss, but he pulled her legs apart and placed his mouth between her legs before she could make a sound. She pulled at his hair weakly to push him away, but he grabbed her wrists and held them tightly as he continued his delicious assault on her clitoris with his tongue. She stopped protesting and gave in, moaning out loud as he increased the pressure and pace. He brought her to a quick mind blowing orgasm, before he pulled away and stood up, pulling her to her feet and bending her over his desk.

She knew she should feel guilty as he quickly entered her and started a rough rhythm, but in that moment she couldn’t make herself care about anything but the pleasure Gerard was giving her.

 

 


	9. Chapter Nine

  
The car ride to her place was awkward. There was no other word that could describe it as well as that particular one. The silence was deafening as Amanda refused to speak to Gerard, furious with Gerard for manipulating her into dropping her panties yet again, and angry at herself for letting him control her so easily. She had always prided herself on never giving into pressure but, when it came to Gerard, she always seemed to give in. She refused to acknowledge Gerard’s presence, looking out the window to watch random strangers on the street as the car sped towards their destination. She had tried to refuse Gerard’s offer of a ride home to avoid the stifling tension she knew would taint the air but, he had ignored her refusal and dragged her to the car park with a Cheshire cat grin on his face. He had gotten what he wanted yet again, at the expense of Amanda’s pride.

The anger she felt made the tears well up in her eyes. She rarely cried but now for the second time in a matter of days she wanted to cry, this time out of pure frustration and anger. She hated the feeling of shame and humiliation that came as a result of her actions. She had tried not to give in but, Gerard seemed to win at every turn. He knew how to push her buttons like nobody else could and the fact that she was the one who was giving him this power was even more infuriating.

The car pulled up outside her apartment block. Amanda clutched the door handle before Gerard had even fully stopped the car. He stopped her with a firm grip on her wrist holding it more tightly than was necessary out of annoyance.

‘Stop fucking running Amanda. It’s getting annoying and it’s not endearing.’

‘Good thing I’m not trying to endear myself to you then’ she lashed out, trying to pull her wrist free. She needed to get away from him before she started crying in front of him, or worse, physically lashed out at him in her anger.

‘For fuck sake Amanda, if you stopped being a drama queen for two fucking seconds we could have a proper conversation about this.’

‘No, we can’t Gerard. Any conversation we’ll have will involve you telling me why I should go along with everything you say. If I disagree I’m the one with the problem. Can’t you just get it into your head that I don’t [i] _want[/i]_ what you want? Or is the concept of other people’s feelings completely foreign to you?’

‘But you [i] _do[/i]_ want what I want Amanda, I proved it twenty minutes ago when you were screaming my name. Why are you being so irrational about this?’

‘Because I’m in love with you, you self obsessed asshole!’ she yelled. It took a moment for her to realise what she had said. Silence descended upon them as the weight of her words fell, and Amanda immediately wished that she could invent a time machine and turn back time. Whatever small hope there was of saving her pride or salvaging the situation was completely gone.

‘Amanda, I-‘

She didn’t let him finish as she pulled her arm free and ran out of the car, legging it into her apartment building before Gerard could see the tears fall down her cheeks.

****

The tears didn’t stop flowing until she fell into a fitful sleep that was far from restful. She woke up numerous times during the night, and when she finally got up out of bed in the morning she felt so tired she wondered if she really did sleep at all. She thought about ringing in sick. She knew she couldn’t face him, not after that bombshell of a goodbye. She picked up the phone and started dialling in the number when she realised that avoidance wasn’t going to solve this issue. Gerard had been right when he called her out on her running. It was annoying, cowardly and childish. She had to learn to grow up and face her problems. She just wondered why today was the day she had to figure that out.

She got dressed reluctantly, hoping that fate would intercede and throw her a measly bone by giving her a legitimate reason to not have to go in. Maybe a car would hit her on the way in. Not enough to kill or seriously hurt her but, enough to warrant a day off work. A broken leg would do. She stepped out of the building and stopped abruptly when she saw Gerard’s car.

‘You’ve got to be shitting me?’ she muttered to no one, trying to figure out if Gerard had seen her yet so she could get away unseen. With a thumping heart she realised he had already seen her when his car door opened and he stepped out, leaning against his car waiting for her to approach. She stared him down with weary eyes, suspicious of his motives with every hesitant step towards him.

‘I was wondering if I would see you. I thought you weren’t going to come in for a few minutes there.’ Even this early in the morning he sounded so casually sexy it wasn’t fair.

‘I thought about it. Realised it wouldn’t do any good.’ She admitted, looking down at the grimy pavement, feeling too self conscious to make eye contact with him. She could see him nod in her peripheral vision.

‘I figured you still hadn’t gotten around to fixing your car, I thought I’d give you a ride.’

‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’

‘I wasn’t asking’ he said, before getting back into the car. Amanda sighed before walking around to the other side of the car and getting into the front passenger seat. Even though her body was still half asleep she was still oh so aware of how close they were. All she had to do was reach out a little and she could touch him. She could smell his cologne as its scent infected his car. He started up his car without saying a word and Amanda assumed it would be another silent journey like last time. As long as they weren’t talking about what had happened yesterday she was happy with silence.

‘About what you said yesterday…did you mean that?’ he asked without warning, catching Amanda off guard after she had begun to relax a little.

‘That I think you’re a self obsessed asshole? Pretty much.’

‘Amanda’ he warned, the tone sending a delightful tremor up her spine. She loved it when he spoke her name with a threat. It made him seem dangerous and untameable, and she enjoyed the thrill it gave her.

‘I…I don’t know,’ she lied, not willing to admit the truth, ‘I have strong feelings but I don’t think it’s love. I was angry and it just slipped out.’

He took his eyes off the road for a split second, giving her that piercing look again before his features showed clear disbelief.

‘Okay.’ he said coolly ‘The last thing I want to do is hurt you, you know. I just think I can make you happy. I know you said that you don’t want to share but I think the pros far outweigh the cons. I don’t see a reason to at least not give it a try.’

Amanda let put a sigh, exhaustion and fatigue getting to her as she felt her will crumbling down.

‘Moving in is a bit crazy though, Gerard. If things don’t work out where will I go?’

He thought for a moment, taking in what she said and she could see he was repressing a smile as he realised that she was beginning to cave in.

‘Okay, that’s a valid point I hadn’t thought of. How about we have a sort of trial run? We’ll see how it goes for a month, you keep your apartment but you stay with Frank and me. It’ll give us all a chance to see if we can make it work to everyone’s satisfaction without anyone losing anything. I think that’s a fair compromise.’

‘I don’t want it to affect my job Gerard. Apart from your bouts of assholeness, I actually quite like my job.’

‘It won’t’ he responded quickly with a firm voice.

‘Bullshit Gerard. You get pissed off with me and you make my day in work hell. What if I do something really bad? Don’t tell me you won’t let it get in the way because we both know it will.’

‘It won’t. The difference will be that we can deal with it at home. I’ll find other ways of venting my frustration out of you outside of work hours’ he added with a sly smirk that let Amanda know exactly how he would vent his frustration.

‘Frank will be miserable Gerard’ Amanda tried another tactic, hoping it would work.

‘We’ve talked about it, extensively. Once he realised exactly where I was coming from he was more willing to give it a try. He’s the one who suggested you moving in actually.’

Amanda didn’t respond to this, as she questioned what Frank’s motive was, to suddenly go from saying he didn’t want her to get involved with Gerard, to suggesting her moving in.

‘So, what do you say?’ Gerard asked after a moment of silence.

‘I… fine. I give up, I’ll agree to the month trial and see how it goes.’

Gerard’s face lit up with his smile, and Amanda thought it was worth the sacrifice to see him look so happy. It made her heart beat a little faster knowing she was the reason for it.

‘You won’t regret it, I promise.’ He promised with the smile still firmly in place. It made her own lips form a small smile of their own.

‘Don’t make promises you can’t keep.’

 


	10. Chapter Ten

  
The next few days in work flew by in a dizzy haze, and Amanda found herself fluctuating between excitement and anxiety over her decision. Gerard seemed happy though and his mood showed in work, to the point where people were starting to notice. It made Amanda’s stomach flip with pleasure, knowing that she was the reason for his happiness. She was still worried about Frank and how he really felt about all of it. Frank would probably tell Gerard he was okay with it just to keep him happy, even at the expense of his own happiness. Amanda couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt whenever she thought of Frank. He probably hated her and she couldn’t blame him, she knew she would hate any person who would try to come between her and Gerard. She didn’t let the guilt stop her though; she was past the point of no return now. As crazy as the situation was she knew the she would always regret not giving it a try.

It was agreed that she would ‘move in’ Friday after work, although she would still keep her apartment for the next month at least, just in case it didn’t work out. Gerard had told her he would set up a room for her so she would have her own space, which had an en suite bathroom ‘for all your…you know…girly stuff ’ as he had so awkwardly put it with a wave of his hand. He now spent a lot of time giving her knowing looks and ‘accidental’ touches whenever he could, and more than once he had asked her to ‘work late’, which was code for screwing each other senseless in his office. She couldn’t complain about it though, he was amazing at sex. He knew how to push all her buttons and he never failed to bring her to an earth shattering orgasm that would leave her knees shaking for at least five minutes afterwards. She was beyond happy, and she could only hope that it would last.

****

She packed a couple of suitcases to bring, not seeing the need to bring over anything else just in case things went wrong, which was a real possibility. She had finally managed to get her car fixed but Gerard still insisted on driving her to and from work to make sure she wouldn’t be tardy. She suspected his real motive was so he could screw her any chance he got. His libido seemed insatiable, not that she was complaining as she had a really high sex drive herself but, she wondered how Gerard kept up with her and Frank. Maybe he was on Viagra.

She sighed as she zipped up the last suitcase, feeling tired after the long day of work, followed by last minute packing after she had promised Gerard she would be ready to go twenty minutes ago.

‘For the love of God woman, just hurry up!’ He called out to her from the living area in exasperation and she smiled as she imagined him tapping his foot impatiently while he waited for her. It was one of his habits that she found adorable.

‘Make me!’ she retorted automatically, taking another glance around her bedroom, anxious to make sure she had everything she would need.

‘That’s an offer I can’t refuse’ Gerard was suddenly standing in the doorway of her bedroom with a smirk on his face that screamed ‘you get what you asked for’.

Before she could respond he walked over to her and pushed her onto her bed, where she landed on her back before he climbed on top of her and grabbed her wrists, quickly pinning them above her head. He used his free hand to push her shirt up, feeling the skin that covered her waist with a soft caress before he started to tickle her mercilessly.  
Amanda screamed with laughter, trying to get away from him but her pathetic attempts to kick him were futile.

‘Please, please I’m sorry, just stop!’ she begged. ‘I can’t breathe, please!’

He finally stopped, the Cheshire cat smile she hated was planted firmly on his face.

He brought his lips down to capture her own soft lips when she caught her breath, making her breath hitch for a second. Amanda was certain that she would never get use to the effect he had on her just by kissing her. Her brain seemed to shut down from the overload, and she responded helplessly to his demanding kiss. When they broke apart Amanda gave a little whine of frustration, wanting to take things further. Gerard ignored her and stood up.

‘You got everything?’

‘I think so.’

‘That’s a yes. C’mon, Frank’s waiting at home.’

He picked up her suitcases and carried them out of her apartment with ease as she followed behind him, her stomach fluttering with nerves. She left her apartment not knowing if she would ever live there again.

The journey to Gerard’s house was silent and uneventful as they listened to a mix CD, Gerard was calm and relaxed while Amanda was a bundle of nerves and self consciousness. She wondered how they would manage to make it work. Gerard was insistent that it could be done but Amanda couldn’t help but be somewhat doubtful about how it would work in practice. She just hoped that they would find a way to make the dysfunctional relationship functional to everyone’s benefit.

When they reached the house Gerard didn’t waste any time getting out of the car and retrieving her suitcases from the trunk. He closed it with a bang before quickly making his way up the steps to the house with Amanda following quietly.

He dropped the suitcases in the large entrance hall beside the staircase.

‘Frank?’ he called out, his voice echoing in the hall.

‘In the kitchen.’

Gerard grabbed her hand and led her to the kitchen where Frank was pouring himself a cup of coffee from a really expensive looking coffee machine. The smell of the foul liquid filled the kitchen and Amanda couldn’t help her reaction to the smell, her nose twitching in disgust.

Gerard laughed at her Frank shooting him a puzzled look in response.

‘You’re gonna have to get use it, sugar’ Gerard drawled lazily when he stopped laughing.

‘No I don’t’ she retorted childishly.

‘She hates coffee’ Gerard explained to Frank, who’s face then lit up with a wicked grin.

‘I can get her to like it. Give me two weeks.’

‘Bet you fifty bucks she won’t.’

‘Deal.’

‘Ain’t gonna happen’ Amanda knew her hatred for the stuff could never be overcome.

‘We’ll see’ Frank’s grin was too confident. It almost made Amanda feel uneasy.

Frank continued to drink his coffee while Gerard went and poured a cup for himself.

‘Want anything?’

‘Just water will do, thanks’ Amanda replied, starting to feel uneasy.

‘It’s just in the fridge, don’t be afraid to go help yourself.’

She got the bottle wordlessly, afraid that the awkward silence was soon make an appearance.

‘How was work?’ Frank asked Gerard.

‘Fine. Same old same old. How is the new band coming along?’

‘They’re…okay. They need a lot of work. They’re still too rough around the edges, and need to learn how to write a little thing called a chorus. They’ll get there.’

Amanda stood there, while Frank and Gerard went through what was presumably a normal domestic routine for them. She was afraid to draw attention to herself, not wanting to interrupt even though she hated feeling felt out. She wondered if this was an indication of how things would be and her stomach dropped a little at the thought.

‘Amanda?’

Frank’s voice woke her out of her reverie, and she blushed a little with embarrassment when she saw both men were looking at her, both with eerily similar amused expressions.

‘’I was going to order out, you have any preferences?’

‘Pizza.’

Frank giggled. ‘A woman after my own heart.’

Gerard grumbled, annoyed. ‘We just had pizza last night Frank, and the night before’ he added with a sigh.

‘Seeing as it’s Amanda’s first night here she gets to choose. It’s not my fault she shares my love of pizza.’ He dialled the number as he said this, ending the conversation.

Gerard rolled his eyes before walking out of the kitchen after muttering something about needing to change.

‘So, how are you?’ Frank asked when he put the phone down, his expression neutral now that Gerard was gone.

‘I’m good. How are you?’ She was cautious in her reply, aware of the fact that Frank was probably not her biggest fan.

‘I’m good I suppose.’ He studied her for a moment before his face relaxed into a more friendly expression. ‘Don’t be so worried Amanda. At first I’ll admit I wasn’t happy with Gerard’s idea but that was nothing to do with you. I made my own bed, now I have to lie in it. I don’t hold anything against you. In fact, I think you and I will get along just fine.’

Amanda suddenly felt herself physically relax as Frank’s voice helped soothe her tense and coiled body. He appeared to be genuine in his sentiments, and he gave her an easy smile that assured her he held no bad will against her. She was wary though, knowing that Frank’s opinion could easily change.

She returned his smile though, deciding to not think about something she had no control over.

‘Thanks Frank.’ She paused for a moment before a thought suddenly entered her mind. ‘What do you mean you made your bed?’

His eyes narrowed in surprise.

‘It’s a long story. For another time.’

She nodded, not wanting to question him further.

‘How…how is this going to work?’

‘Well, from what I understand it I think Gerard has a sort of rota thing he wants to try.’

‘So, we get set days with each other?’ she clarified.

‘Yup’ he said the P with a popping sound. ‘We get three days with him each and the last day we’ll…well I’m not sure.’

‘What about me and you?’ the words left her mouth before she even realised she had thought them.

Frank cocked an eyebrow, a sexy smirk on his face. He seemed pleased with Amanda’s outburst while Amanda turned a beetroot shade of red, kicking herself mentally for her foot in mouth syndrome.

‘You know, you’re right’ he spoke slowly and deliberately, as though he enjoyed the feel of the words as he spoke them. ‘I think Mr. Way has been thinking far too much about his own needs.’

Amanda couldn’t help the wide grin that took over on her face, as Frank and Amanda seemed to understand that they could be of benefit to each other.

Gerard entered the kitchen, now dressed in jeans and a black Metallica t-shirt. He had a smile on his face, which faltered when he saw Frank and Amanda smile at each other, like teenagers who had just come up with a plan to inflict torment on a poor unsuspecting soul. His eyes flicked on one to the other, trying to figure what was going on.

‘What’s going on?’ he asked hesitantly, not sure if he wanted to know.

‘Oh nothing. Amanda and I were just talking about how we’re looking forward to spending more time with each other.’ Frank’s voice was overly cheery.

‘Right.’

‘So, I was thinking you and Amanda get Tuesdays and Thursdays, You and I get Mondays and Wednesdays. Saturdays could be a day we all spend together.’

‘What about Fridays and Sundays?’ Gerard asked, eyebrows raised slightly.

‘Oh, they’re for Amanda and I.’

Gerard’s face fell, looking like a child who just had a toy taken off them by the school bully.

‘You and Amanda?’ he questioned incredulously.

‘Sure, why not? We enjoy each other’s company, and we get along very well. Plus, I’m not going to deny I had a good time last weekend’ Frank winked at Amanda with the last statement and Amanda had to stop herself from laughing at Gerard who looked beyond pissed.

‘I’m assuming that’s okay, I mean, you said this is about making a relationship that will make everyone happy, right? This is about all three of us, isn’t it?’ Frank questioned, clearly enjoying the effect he was having on Gerard. She assumed he didn’t gain the upper hand too often in the relationship.

Gerard didn’t answer; his glare at Frank made Amanda a little worried for Frank’s safety. He opened his mouth to reply after a long silence, when the doorbell rang.

‘I’ll get it’ he snapped, before storming out of the kitchen.

Frank watched Gerard as he stormed out, before looking at Amanda with the biggest smile she had ever seen.

‘I don’t know about you, but I think this will be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.’

 

 


	11. Chapter Eleven

  
The next fortnight passed by without a hitch. They stuck to their rota and to Amanda’s surprise it worked very well. She enjoyed her time with Frank, who was much more laid back and relaxed than Gerard. With Frank she could just let go and have fun¸ she didn’t feel self conscious or ridiculous around him. He made her laugh a lot and when they spent time together she felt as though she didn’t have any cares in the world. The sex was good too, she couldn’t deny that. It was less intense than it was with Gerard, although Frank always ensured he was the one in charge. She had accepted long ago that she was more of a submissive type in the bedroom, and she was lucky she had found two men who seemed to be satisfied with taking control.

Gerard was…Gerard. All intense, overbearing and he had her completely wrapped his little finger. That fact stung a little as she knew it wasn’t reciprocated. He was almost her entire world while she was nothing but a bit of light entertainment for him. She saw how he looked at Frank, the adoration in his eyes and she knew she would never ever compete with that. The emotions in those golden eyes were far too real to be easily changed and she was not fool enough to think that she could be the one to change it. She also knew the guilt would be too much to bear. She adored Frank in her own way, and she would never want to be the one to hurt him, even if she hurt herself in the process.

Amanda rarely felt the stinging jealousy she used to be afflicted with. It came up only once during those first two weeks. She had been making her way to bed, having been up reading later than normal when she heard the moans. She knew she should just ignore it and go to bed as though she had heard nothing but, curiosity got the better of her. The door was open a tiny fraction and she felt like something was physically pulling her to the door. She crept up quietly, not wanting to be seen or heard. She was invading their privacy but she just couldn’t resist. The only light that entered the room was from the sliver of moonlight that peaked in through their blinds. Even from the doorway she could see the glistened sweat on Gerard’s back as he took Frank from behind. It wasn’t the act that caused her jealousy though. It was the gentleness of his actions that made her heart stop for a moment. He took his time, ensuring Frank was enjoying it as much as he did, pumping Frank’s erection in time with his own gentle thrusts. He was never that gentle with her. His moans were different than the animalistic ones she was use to hearing. It was more than just pure pleasure; there was a deep affection that laced those deep breathy moans. He cared about Frank deeply, loved him even, and it showed. Frank’s response was similar, his moans less intense but with more feeling. There was slight pain in his moans but she knew the pleasure he was receiving was far outweighing the discomfort. She stood there watching for as long as she could before she felt like she would die if she witnessed any more.

She had gone to sleep that night with tears streaming down her face, feeling totally inadequate and hopeless. She knew she would never be on the receiving end of a love like that. She wondered if there was something fundamentally wrong with her that made her so unworthy of love. She knew she had her faults but she always tried to be the best person she could be, but somehow it just wasn’t enough. She wasn’t overly pretty or attractive but she had no obvious flaws or scars that would make her entirely unappealing. She had dreams of dying alone and unloved that night, waking up more than once during the night covered in sweat and silent tears. When she woke up in the morning she was determined to forget about her feelings of inadequacy and just get on with the situation at hand. It had worked for a few days until Gerard made an offhand comment at work.

‘Make sure to clear my schedule for Friday next week, won’t you? Frank and I are heading away for a long weekend’ he had muttered distractedly as he went over his schedule for the following week. She had opened her mouth to question him, but closed it quickly when she realised it wasn’t the right time or place. It would be a stressful day and the last thing either of them needed was for an argument to happen. So she bit her tongue and poured all her energy into her work, ignoring Gerard as much as she could. She couldn’t tell if Gerard had noticed or not, although judging by his concerned glances he cast her way perhaps he did. Still, he never mentioned anything and Amanda continued with her work. It wasn’t until they were in his car later that he finally broke the silence.

‘Are you okay?’

‘I’m fine’ she muttered, looking out the window.

He sighed as the car braked to a stop at a red light. He rested his elbow on the window and leaned his head into his hand.

‘It’s been years since I dated a woman but if memory serves ‘I’m fine’ means you’re really pissed about something. What did I do?’

‘Nothing.’

‘…Which means I definitely did something. I can’t make it right if you don’t tell me.’

She huffed, annoyed. ‘I said I’m fine, please just drop it’

‘Fine, if you say so.’

When they finally reached the house Frank had already prepared dinner, something he seemed to enjoy doing now there was more than one other person to cook for.

‘Hey’ he greeted cheerfully as they entered the kitchen.

‘Hey’ Gerard replied cheerfully as Amanda merely nodded to Frank. She saw the ‘what-the-fuck’ look he gave Gerard as she pulled the fridge door open to get a bottle of water. Gerard shrugged in response.

‘You okay Amanda?’ Frank asked.

‘I’m fine’ she said a bit louder than she intended, trying her best to hold her anger in.

‘Well, we’re fucked’ he said to Gerard with a smirk that only riled her up more.

‘Piss off’ she muttered before she walked out of the kitchen, slamming her bedroom door behind her for good measure as she tried to find another way to vent her feelings. She wanted to scream, shout, kick, or do something physical to release her frustration and anger. She knew she was being irrational but she couldn’t control the feelings that were overwhelming her.

She changed out of her work attire and threw on a pair of sweatpants and a tank top, not even caring that she looked like a slob. She could be dressed up to the nines and it wouldn’t change how Gerard felt about her, so why should she even bother? Why was she putting herself through this emotional rollercoaster that she would never get anything out of. At that moment all she wanted was to pack her things and leave, and forget about it all. She knew her self esteem would go from barely existing to pure nothingness if she didn’t. She stared at the suitcase that was lying carelessly on the floor beside the large walk in closet that she was told to call her own. Her feet wouldn’t move even though her head was telling her to go. Her gaze didn’t shift as she heard footsteps coming up the stairs and tentatively walk towards her opened door with quiet footsteps that were afraid of some sort of impending meltdown.

There was a knock on the door, and she could tell by the rhythm of the knuckles meeting the wood that it was Frank. He would be the one to see if she was need of comfort. She knew in his own way he cared about her, probably more than Gerard ever could. Their bond had grown quickly and the feelings between them were mutual and reciprocated to both their satisfaction. They each filled a void in the other that they hadn’t known existed.

‘I’m not gonna bite you know’ she muttered her invitation, not wanting to talk to him but knowing any more dramatics would be futile and aggravating to all three of them. She hated how childish her instincts were; they were one of the things that would be her downfall. They made her easy to rile and manipulate.

‘Are you sure about that? Last time I saw a bitch that angry she took a bite out of my ankle. I still have the scars.’

She smiled, knowing he was only trying to ease the tension and make her feel better. It was working, and she turned around to look at him, trying to hide her smile and failing.

‘Bet you deserved it though.’

‘We just had opposing views on what ‘fetch the stick’ meant. I meant fetch the piece of wood I threw, she thought I meant ‘chew the fuck out of my ankle and make me a cripple.’

She laughed, feeling the anger literally dissipate from her body and her shoulders relaxing from their previous tense position.

‘So, what happened?’ he asked, putting his hands in his jean pockets and leaning against the door frame. He looked utterly adorable and boyishly innocent as he studied her through his hazel eyes that were framed with gorgeously long black eyelashes. His bangs were almost in his eyes and his expression was a mixture of calm and curiosity.

‘Nothing.’

He gave her a disbelieving look and took his hands out of his pockets to fold them across his chest.

She thought about telling him exactly how she was feeling, about her insecurity, her anxiety and her heartbreak. Maybe he could offer her comfort, or reassurance that things could get better. That Gerard cared for her deeply. That someday it would be her he would clear his schedule for so he could show her just how much he loved her. That she would be the one that would be by his side at functions and family events. But she knew even if he offered her those assurances that they would be lies. The truth of the matter was that she could only ever be in the dark. She would never be called his ‘girlfriend’ or publicly acknowledged. She knew he wasn’t the person to make things right or offer her comfort.

‘Really, nothing happened. I’m just…emotional today or something. I think I’m PMS-ing.’

He continued to watch her with a critical eye as he debated whether he should believe her or not. She could tell he didn’t but he nodded at her in defeat and accepted that she wouldn’t be divulging her secrets to him. Not now at least.

‘Well, if you want to talk you can always come to me, okay?’

‘I know, thank you.’

‘Dinner’s ready if you want to come down.’ He stood up straight and took a step away from the door, a silent plea to join them in the kitchen where they always ate their dinner together.

‘Sure, sounds good.’

She forced a smile on her face as she walked towards him and followed him down the stairs and into the kitchen, hiding her devastated heart behind a fake laugh and a hallow smile.

 

 


	12. Chapter Twelve

  
‘You’re an asshole!’

The low volume of the spoken words did nothing to disguise the venom behind them. The hushed voices could be heard through the closed door as Amanda shamelessly listened from outside.

‘I didn’t do it out of spite Frank. I wasn’t thinking, okay?’

‘That’s no excuse Gerard. No wonder she was so upset, you insensitive prick.’

‘I know I fucked up, you don’t need to remind me. Shit!’ he cursed in anger.

It was the night before the men were due to go away. Gerard had been keeping it as a surprise for Frank for one of their anniversaries. She didn’t want to know what kind of anniversary they were celebrating. She had tried to keep her hurt feelings under wraps, and succeeded for the most part. Gerard could still tell she was upset if his attempts to be nicer to her were anything to go by. She refused to give in though, holding her own against those impossibly irresistible puppy dog eyes. When Gerard had told Frank over dinner about his ‘surprise’ Frank’s face had lit up instantly with excitement until he glanced at Amanda. He had seemingly put two and two together in that moment and his face fell with a look of sadness, disappointment and slight anger. He had excused himself and asked Gerard to follow him. Amanda had waited before her curiosity overruled her manners and she followed them out. She had heard the voices come from the living room, which was closed. Even though she knew it was wrong she listened in to catch the tail end of the conversation.

She heard a sigh which was an equal mixture of frustration and sympathy. She guessed that it was Frank who let it out and she heard a ruffling of clothes that suggested the two men were hugging.

‘I was trying to surprise you for our anniversary, fuck I didn’t think about how Amanda would take it.’

‘Maybe we should cancel it’ she heard Frank’s calm voice soothe. She could picture him rubbing Gerard’s back in those slow, teasing motions he always used.

‘I think you’re right.’

Amanda’s hurt pride gave way slightly to an uneasy feeling of guilt. She was letting her emotions ruin Gerard and Frank’s happiness which was the last thing she wanted. She was hurting Frank who was just as much a victim of Gerard’s selfishness and thoughtlessness as she was. Her pride wanted her to not give in and disrupt Gerard’s plans, make him realise she was a human being with feelings. Her head was telling her to be the bigger person and let it go. She could make her point later in a more effective way that wouldn’t hurt Frank.

She withdrew from her eavesdropping position outside the door and left the house, needing to leave the tense atmosphere in order to put her thoughts in order. She was thankful that the sun was still out in its evening glory, eliminating her need to get a coat as she left the house without her bag or phone. She didn’t plan on being gone for too long, the park was sufficient for her needs and was less than ten minutes on foot. She walked the path with determined swift strides that brought her to her destination quicker than anticipated. She slowed down when she entered the park which was busier than she had expected at this time in the evening. She could see parents with their children in the playground set in the heart of the park. The laughter of the children rang loud in her ears as she found herself acutely aware of their presence. She sat down on an empty bench that was facing the playground. She was drawn to the picture of happiness and parental pride,  the scattering of mothers and fathers gazed at their children with watchful eyes. The children played without a care, ignoring their parents and running amuck with abandon. She felt an ache begin to throb in her chest as she watched with fascination. She had never thought about children and if she wanted them. She was just finished college and had only recently turned twenty five so she hadn’t had the time or the inclination to put much thought into whether she saw having children as being a part of her future, until now.

The pain in her heart told her that she wanted them, more than she wanted to admit to herself. She sighed loudly and bit her lip, wishing the ache would go away. She knew that as long as she stayed with Gerard and Frank she would never know the joy of being a mother. How could she bring a child into such a dysfunctional relationship, making them a source of ridicule among their school peers who would certainly make a point of being cruel, as children so often did. She wondered if Gerard even wanted children, or Frank for that matter. They had been together for years and seemed content with their alternative lifestyle, so she presumed that children were out of the question for them. Could she ever be happy with that? Would her love for Gerard, and connection with Frank, be enough to keep the burning desire of motherhood away? She shook her head at her own thoughts, knowing that thinking about issues like children was futile and would lead to disappointment. Plus the fact that it was way too soon to even be thinking along those lines. It was a bridge she would have to cross when the time came, whenever that would be.

She forced her mind to go back to the topic that was most pressing to. She knew her anger was justified but it was no reason to take it out on Gerard and Frank. From the conversation she overheard Gerard had felt bad about it, maybe that should be enough to appease her anger. Preventing Gerard and Frank from spending time together wasn’t the answer to rectifying the situation in any case, it would only cause more hurt feelings and resentment which was the last thing any of them needed. She knew the right thing to do was to let it go and move on, as much as she hated the idea of having to be the better person like she always did. Making up her mind, she got up from her spot and decided to make her way back home and put the two men out of their misery.

*****

She had made the decision not to stay at home and mope, instead opting to meet up with her friends Mariana and Sophie, whom she had neglecting appallingly over the last couple of months. The plan of action for the night was simple: get hammered and have fun. She found herself looking forward to the night out, not realising just how much she missed her friends and the endless fun they used to have. They had decided on going to some small gig in a local bar rather than going out to a nightclub where they would be forced to endure long queues for drinks and limited conversation due to the obnoxious music. They had a bottle of wine at her apartment before they entered the bar, loosening them up and making them giggle as they found a table close to the stage. They settled at the table joyfully, laughing and gossiping while sipping on their cocktails which Marianna had insisted was ‘to die for!’. Amanda didn’t care as long as it had alcohol and they waited patiently for the gig to begin. The first band came on, interrupting their conversation as their attention became focused on the stage. They were good at pleasing the crowd while warming them up for the next group who were the headliners. The headlining act was the reason they had chosen to come to the bar,  all of them had heard of the band who were beginning to make a name for themselves locally. Curiosity had helped them decide to go see them and judge for themselves if they were as good as their reputation would make them believe.

The conversation had started up again when the support act finished with a round of applause, the three girls focused on each other again as the headliners set up their equipment. There was the buzzing sound of low conversation going on around them as they talked about everything and nothing. Amanda wanted to tell her friends about Gerard and Frank but she knew how they would react. They would tell her to leave and find another guy who would be better for her. They wouldn’t listen if she explained to them that there was no other guy for her, at least not one that she wanted heart, body and soul.

‘I’m beginning to think I have a stalker.’

The deep voice made her jump, almost spilling her cocktail as she turned around in her seat sharply. She was met with a familiar pair of blue eyes and a wide grin that she couldn’t help but return.

‘Andy!’ She pulled him into a hug without thinking, ignoring the flip in her stomach as she inhaled his cologne.

‘Short shit!’ he teased, earning a punch from Amanda which he didn’t seem to feel.

‘What are you doing here?’

‘My band’s playing tonight.’

‘Awesome, I’ve heard great things about you guys.’

‘And I swear none of them are true.’

Her laugh was interrupted by a sharp kick to her shin, drawing her attention away from Andy and back to her friends who were staring at her with expectation.

‘Oh, Andy this is Mariana and Sophie. Girls this is Andy.’

The girls gave him a smile which seemed innocent. Amanda knew that underneath the smiles they were secretly judging him and whether they would screw him or not. While both girls were in relationships it didn’t stop their eyes from wondering. Amanda could feel the jealousy begin to flare up as she took another sip, hoping that more alcohol would help the jealousy simmer down. She had no right to be jealous anyway, he wasn’t her boyfriend and never would be.

‘Nice you meet you ladies’ he said with a nod before focusing on Amanda again. ‘I better go back on stage, I’ll see you after the show?’

It came out as a hopeful question, as though he really wanted to see her. She knew she was blushing at the attention he was giving her.

‘Absolutely!’

‘Alright then, enjoy the show ladies.’ With that he parted from them. Amanda braced herself for the barrage of questions she would be assaulted with.

‘So….Andy huh?’

This was the calm before the storm as Mariana took a calculated sip from her drink while she waited for an answer.

‘Uh…he’s a friend of a friend; he’s a barman in a small bar about twenty minutes from here. He’s nice.’

She knew her evasiveness was futile but she hoped by some miracle her friends would drop the topic.

‘Spill the beans woman.’

‘There’s nothing to spill Mariana. He’s a nice guy who has a girlfriend. That’s it.’ She explained in frustration.

‘I’m not buying it. He doesn’t look at you like he’s madly in love with someone else. He likes you.’

‘No way. He’s just being friendly is all.’

‘Sure…you keep telling yourself that pet.’

The band started to play before Amanda could refute the claim, leaving her fuming at the smug look on Mariana’s face.

They watched the band with fevered interest as Andy took the microphone and gave the audience a face to focus on while the guitarists and drummer did their thing. Amanda couldn’t tear her eyes away as she followed every move Andy made, occasionally meeting his eyes and drawing a small smile from his lips before he looked away. They played for more than an hour with a mixture of original songs and a few covers. She was enthralled by his voice, which was deep and melodic. She could see herself listening to the voice on the radio or on her IPod; they certainly seemed to have the passion on stage to make it happen.

When they finally finished up she watched them leave the stage and make their way to the bar before giving her attention back to her friends. She saw them watch her with conspiratorial looks on their faces. She hated that face, it never lead to anything good.

‘What?’ she questioned with nervousness.

‘Oh nothing.’ Sophie responded quickly, too quickly for it to be nothing.

Amanda raised an eyebrow.

‘Don’t give me that crap, you two are planning something. Tell me.’

‘Us, planning something? Really Amanda, you need to stop thinking so much.’

She almost growled in frustration,  genuinely fearing the plan the two woman in front of her were concocting.

‘Any room for more?’

Andy was by her side, with one of his band mates. They both held numerous drinks in their large hands. The girls shifted their chairs to create more space while Andy and his friend found chairs that were vacant at the neighbouring tables. When they returned Andy sat beside Amanda while his friend sat on Andy’s other side.

‘Girls this is Matthew. He’s the main guitarist in the band.’ Andy introduced as the girls took turns to shake his hand and introduced themselves. After that the conversation flowed fluidly. Matthew seemed to be quite taken with Sophie, who was the main focus of his attention for the night. Mariana kept her eyes on Andy with a mischievous glint as though she knew a secret the rest of them were oblivious too. Amanda ignored it, knowing there was nothing she could do if Mariana was determined to wreak some kind of havoc.

‘So Andy, a handsome guy like you must have a girlfriend. Why isn’t she here?’

Amanda wanted to kick Mariana, or better yet wring her neck. She threw her friend her most threatening look which Mariana blatantly ignored.

‘I just broke up with someone actually, so no girlfriend at the moment.’

‘Oh, sorry to hear that’ Mariana’s voice was filled with insincere sympathy.

‘Shit Andy, I’m sorry to hear that.’ Amanda said in a low voice, patting his arm in sympathy.

‘It’s no big deal. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out I suppose.’

Amanda nodded in understanding, having been in Andy’s position a few times. Even though he was making light of the situation she knew he was still hurting.

‘Anyway, what did you guys think of the show?’ he changed the topic, clearly trying to avoid talking about his personal life. They all went along with it to avoid the atmosphere becoming awkward.

At some point during the night the group had seemed to break down into two, with Amanda and Andy entertaining each other and Mariana, Sophie and Matthew deep in conversation about movies. Amanda and Andy were equally deep in conversation, so much so that they hadn’t noticed the girls and Matthew slip out unnoticed until last call was announced with a loud yell from the barman.

‘Shit, I can’t believe those bitches left me.’ Amanda gave out as they finished their drink, checking her phone in case they sent her a message. Her screen lit up, informing her Mariana had sent her a text.  
 _  
You can thank me tomorrow. I wanna hear all the details tomorrow. Enjoy!_

She wanted to curse at her friends for abandoning her under some false illusion that her and Andy would get together. She had Gerard and Frank; she wouldn’t betray them like that.  
  
 _It’s not as though you’re exclusive though_.

The thought came to her with a jolt, making her gasp inaudibly at her own mind. It was true that they never agreed on being exclusive but it had been implied surely. She thought about all the conversations they had about their relationship and couldn’t remember it ever been brought up or eluded to. Could they really be angry if she did?

‘Are you okay?’

Andy’s voice pulled her back to reality and away from her dangerous train of thought. Even if she could justify it to herself she knew Andy didn’t think of her that way. He was an affectionate guy and overly friendly. That didn’t amount to attraction or desire by any means.

‘I’m good. I think I’m drunker than I realised. I’m gonna walk home I think.’

‘I’ll walk with you. You shouldn’t be walking home alone especially late at night.’

She shrugged.

‘I’ve done it before, nothing’s ever happened.’

‘There’s a first time for everything’ he grumbled with thinly veiled anger.

She dropped the line of conversation, knowing it would only anger him. He seemed to think she was incapable of looking after herself which was far from the truth. She enjoyed his concern though; it felt nice to know he cared about her enough to worry about her.

They left the bar, stumbling as they made their way down the road. They pushed and shoved each other as they laughed loudly at their behaviour, earning more than a few annoyed stares. At some point she jumped on Andy’s back, making him give her a piggy back ride the rest of the way home. He carried her up the steps that lead to the door of her apartment building. He let her down gently, which wasn’t enough to prevent Amanda from stumbling before she steadied herself on her feet. In a flash he had turned to face her and grabbed her, keeping her upright and helping her avoid face planting the ground. When she stood still she looked at him properly, their eyes meeting. Amanda became acutely aware of his strong grip, the smell of his cologne as it mixed with the alcohol and just how bright blue his eyes were. She felt breathless as she stared at him, the alcohol making her forget her sense of propriety as she took the sight of him in, He gazed back at her, his eyes intense as he continued to hold her.

She couldn’t speak, not wanting to break the spell of the moment. She didn’t stop him when he bent down to capture her lips. She eagerly responded, opening her mouth without hesitation when he licked her lip asking her entrance. She pushed her body flushed into him as his grip in her arms tightened painfully, heightening her senses and causing her to moan.

He pulled away far too quickly for her liking, the two of them panting as they tried to catch their breaths.

‘Would you like to come up?’ her brain was on autopilot as the words came out without any thought or care for the consequences. His slow smile was all the response she needed, her body trembling with anticipation and desire as she gripped his hand and led him inside.

 

### Notes


	13. Chapter Thirteen

## We need to talk

  
Amanda groaned when she came to conciousness the next morning, her head pounding as she suffered from yet another hangover. Her mouth was dry and rough like sandpaper, her eyes remained stubbornly shut, not wanting to meet the bright light of the day that would surely burn her retinas. It took a moment for her to realise someone was knocking on her door, the noise getting confused the pounding in her head. She decided to ignore it, shuffling to go back to sleep when she heard a voice behind her groan in annoyance.

‘What the fuck?’ the voice mumbled almost incoherently, half asleep and confused.

Her eyes opened as she sprung to life, turning around to see a naked Andy in her bed. She rubbed her eyes, trying to make sense of what happened. She remembered everything and yet it felt as though she had been an observer, not a participant in the event of the night. She remembered how he had stripped her naked, slowly and deliberately teasing her to the point where she could not longer control herself and she pounced on him like some wanton harlot. She continued to gawk at him as he rubbed his closed eyes, watching as he slowly opened them with a squint before sitting up slightly and meeting her eyes.

‘Morning.’ His voice was scratchy sounding and rough, but she found it adorable and sexy at the same time She blushed slightly, pulling the sheets tighter around her in her awareness of how naked she was. The sudden knock on her door reminded them both of what had woken them up as they instinctively looked towards her bedroom door which concealed her front door from sight.

‘You expecting someone?’ He asked.

‘No, not that I’m aware of anyway.’

Her phone began to buzz somewhere in the room. She scrambled from the bed in order to search for it before the caller hung up. She found it in her handbag, her heart dropping to her stomach when she saw ‘Gerard’ flash up on the screen. She answered it, not wanting to ignore the call in case something important had happened.

‘H-Hello’ she whispered meekly.

‘Hey, I’m at your apartment, Frank and I have been knocking for like, five minutes. Let us in.’

Her eyes widened. She didn’t need to look in a mirror to know her face had paled considerably. She was fucked and she knew it.

‘Uh-now’s not a good time. I’m hungover as fuck and I look like shit. I’ll come by the house later.’

‘I’ve seen you hungover before, you can’t get any worse than that time. We’re here now so let us in.’

With that he hung up, Amanda’s breathing stopped as she started to panic.

‘Amanda?’

Andy looked at her, concern and confusion on his face.

‘Fuck!’ she hissed as she grabbed her hair in frustration. ‘Look, Andy, whatever you do don’t make a fucking sound, okay? I’ll explain when I get rid of them but please, PLEASE don’t draw attention to the fact you’re here.’

‘Fine.’ He muttered, offended by her words. She had no time to feel guilt or sympathy as she raced around her room trying to find clothes to throw them on before she opened her door. She was sweating as she made her way to her front door, her brain having to remind to her lungs to breathe as they seemed incapable of doing it themselves.

She opened her door to find Frank and Gerard waiting outside, amused expressions on their face.

‘Shit, someone had a good night. And here’s us feeling bad and deciding to come back early to keep you company.’ Frank laughed, showing his teeth in glee.

Gerard eyed her up and down, as though searching for something. His eyes narrowed in suspicion.

‘Someone did have a good night.’

His tone of voice startled Frank, who looked at Gerard with a baffled expression.

Without another word Gerard barged into her apartment, pushing past her to gain enterance.

‘Dude what-‘

‘I’ve fucked you enough times to know what you look like when you’ve had a good time. You fucked someone last night, didn’t you?’ Gerard glared at Amanda, her face turning red with shame, revealing his assumption was accurate.

‘Gerard I-‘ She began, trying to explain herself before getting cut off by Gerard.

‘Is he still here?’

She nodded¸biting her lip

For a painful moment she worried that he would barge into her bedroom and find Andy in there. Instead he gave her a look of pure disgust before walking out of her apartment. Frank stood in shock for a moment, trying to process what had happened.

‘Shit’ he muttered, glancing at Amanda with a slightly sympathetic look before following Gerard out the door Gerard did something stupid. He pulled the door behind him, the sound of the lock clicking echoing through the apartment. Amanda stood in the same spot for a while before Andy ventured out. His body language gave away his awkwardness, his hand scratching the back of his head.

‘Are you okay?’

‘No.’

She felt his arms wrap around her, his body heat comforting to her while she began to fully understand the magnitude of what had just transpired. Gerard, from day one, was always the one chasing after her. Now, he was walking away from her. The look he gave her before he left hurt more than any words he could have said, actions wounding and cutting deeper than his calm voice ever could.

‘I’m sorry’ Andy was still embracing her as he spoke the words.

‘You’ve nothing to be sorry for.’

‘I shouldn’t have kissed you last night’ He let go of her, his eyes on her face as he continued to speak ‘I should’ve known you had a boyfriend.’

‘That’s the thing, I don’t know what we are. It’s this…fucked up triangle that I can’t seem to pull myself away from. He use to let Frank sleep with other people all the time, he did it himself as well and now suddenly he gets pissed when I do it.’

Andy opened his mouth in a silent ‘Oh’ as he seemed to finally understand the situation.

‘That proposition you got from the guy at work. That was Gerard and Frank?’

She nodded.

‘I thought-‘

‘I wasn’t going to do it? So did I, until Gerard started becoming very…persuasive.’

‘Wow. So, how is it working out for you?’

She could hear the judgement in his tone, making her look at the floor instead of at him. She walked over to her couch before slumping down on it, wishing her life hadn’t become so complicated. It was her own fault, she was a weak person who couldn’t say no.

‘Not so great.’

She heard him sigh as she studied the ceiling before he joined her on the couch.

‘Do you love him?’

‘Yes. I wish I didn’t but I do. The fucked up thing is that I know he doesn’t feel the same way about me and yet I can’t make myself walk away. In a way I think last night was my way of trying to make _him_ walk away. He sees me as an innocent naïve girl, and in a way I am. I mean, before this whole thing I’d only slept with two other people both of whom I had a relationship with. Now I’ve given him something else to see. I’m weak, horribly weak.’

‘You’re not weak. You’re hurt, angry and confused. You acted out to make a point. You’re a person with feelings that needs to feel wanted like everyone else. That’s part of being human I suppose.’

She finally looked at him. He was sitting hunched over slightly, his gaze on his lap which supported his clasped hands. He looked deep in thought.

‘I lied last night. When I said I didn’t have a girlfriend.’

‘Oh.’

He suddenly turned to face her, his eyes full of an emotion she couldn’t quite place.

‘Things have been…weird for the past while. To be honest I’m pretty certain she’s been cheating on me, but like you I can’t walk away. As much as I hate her and what she does I’m still completely in love with her. Or I was. I’m not so sure what I feel anymore.’

She remained silent for a moment, digesting what he had told her. She wondered why he had lied last night but she refrained from asking, her judgement telling her to let him decide how much he wanted to tell her. She realised that in the short while she had known him it had become very much a one way relationship in the give and take stakes. She took while he gave her his time and his concern. She had never thought about asking him about his own life, if he needed someone to talk to that wasn’t his close friend who could give insight.

‘Love sucks, doesn’t it?’

‘Sure does’ he muttered, not quite meeting her eyes.

‘If she’s cheating on you…she’s an idiot, you know that right?’

He scoffed.

‘I’m serious. I don’t know you very long but in that short space of time you’ve shown yourself to be one of the most caring and amazing person I’ve ever met. Truly. If she makes you feel anything less than that than you need to let go. There’s someone out there who’ll appreciate you for the amazing person you are.’

He nodded, finally making eye contact with her again.

‘What about you?’

‘Well, to be honest I think it’s over now. You should’ve seen the way he looked at me before he left. I’ve never felt so small in my life. I’m not going to dwell on it too much, not right now at least. Gerard will come find me when he decides what to do, I suppose.’

‘You should take your own advice Amanda. He doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, and even I can see he’s fucking with your head for his own gain. Walk away before he tears you down completely.’

She smiled weakly at him.

‘Are you going to tell her?’ she couldn’t help but ask.

‘I don’t know, probably. It depends I suppose.’

‘Depends on what?’

He shook his head with a small smile.

‘You’re such a nosey little short shit!’

‘I may be a short shit but at least I’m damn loveable.’ She joked, trying to lighten the conversation.

‘That you are.’

The tone of his words changed the atmosphere in the small apartment. They were spoken softly and with hidden meaning, his blue eyes trying to convey his meaning. Amanda swallowed, feeling awkward. She knew she was probably reading too much into what he said.

‘I’m…going to take a shower. You’re welcome to stay and make yourself something to eat.’ She stood up as she spoke, trying to disguise her sudden awkwardness.

‘No, I think I’ll go home now.’

She nodded as he lifted himself off her couch, standing to his full height. Sometimes she forgot just how tall he was, making her more aware of her own short frame.

‘Okay, well…shit, I’m kinda not sure what to say.’

‘Then don’t say anything. Go get your shower and I’ll see you around, okay?’

She gave a curt nod and a smile before turning away and walking into her bathroom. When she finished half an hour later she walked into her living room to find her cell phone on the coffee table with a note beside it. She cautiously made her way to the table, sitting down on the couch before moving her cell phone and scanning the note.  
 __  
Call me if you need anything x was writing in neat, clear handwriting. She checked her phone to find a new name listed in her contacts. On a whim she opened her messages and type out a new text.  
 __  
I will. Ditto if you need to talk x

He replied with a smiley face before Amanda put her cell phone back down on the table.

*********************************************************************

Later that evening she heard a knock on her door. She looked at the door wearily, not wanting to answer it and have to face reality. She knew who was the most likely person to knock on her door and she wanted to avoid the argument that would happen.

‘Amanda, open up!’

She registered with surprise that it was Frank’s voice on the other side of the door. She got up and quickly answered.

‘Hey.’

‘Can I come in?’ he asked getting straight to the point.

‘Of course.’

She stepped aside, letting him walk in.

‘Would you like some tea, or water? I don’t have anything else I’m afraid.’

‘No, I’m fine.’

She could tell by his short response he was pissed at her too. She was surprised; she figured Frank would be happy that she fucked up so badly. He sat down on her couch and took his jacket off, placing it beside him carelessly.

‘We need to talk. There are some things I think you should know before you talk to Gerard.’

 

 

### Notes


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Frank sat on the couch, shrugging his jacket off. He seemed nervous and agitated, waiting patiently for Amanda to sit down. ‘So…’ Amanda started awkwardly, wanting to get on with it and find out what exactly it was Frank thought was so important for her to know. Frank barely registered that he heard her, deep in his own thoughts. Amanda guessed he was trying to figure out how to word what is was he needed to get out. Maybe he was worried about how much he should reveal, or how Gerard would react if, or when, he discovered Frank was talking to Amanda so bluntly about him. ‘When I first met Gerard’ Frank eventually began after a sharp intake of breath to get him going ‘it wasn’t love at first sight. I had a girlfriend and believe it or not I was madly in love with her. She was everything I ever thought I wanted. She was cute, smart, and funny, she had this laugh that was so freaking adorable it was almost a crime. We met in high school and I swore that I would never want anyone else. I mean, why should I? I had the perfect woman who actually loved me as much as I loved her. We planned it all out, college, getting an apartment together, marriage, and babies. The full works. We were together for four years when I met Gerard. He had Lindsay who was as beautiful on the inside as she on the outside. When Jamia and Lindsay met in at the end of college they bonded straight away, becoming attached at the hip pretty much. It was only a matter of time before I met Gerard. It started off as nothing more than a friendship. I mean, we had so much in common it was hard not to like the guy so we got along really well. We would chat while Jamia and Lindsay forced us to go out on double dates or to some party where we knew no one. Over time we started hanging out just by ourselves while the girls did whatever girlie stuff they wanted to do and it just…it’s hard to describe it really. We felt like we were one fucking person in a way if that makes sense. The thing was, we were both straight. Or so we told ourselves. I denied the fact that I was attracted to him, believing that it was a passing phase or something. I mean, I’d never been attracted to a man before and people don’t just suddenly turn guy, right? The fact that I knew the colour of his eyes better than Jamia’s, that I found the sight of his smile so adorable I just wanted to melt meant nothing. The fact that I had to stop myself from getting hard when I smelt his cologne; it was all just a passing phase. I didn’t want anything to happen because from the bottom of my heart I still loved Jamia and I wanted the family and kids. Then one day, we both went out and got wasted. I mean, really fucking wasted. I don’t know what it was we took to this day and to be honest I’m not sure I want to know. All I know is that we wound up in my apartment watching a movie and out of nowhere we just…started kissing… In the apartment that I shared with my girlfriend of five years. I was in denial about it the next day. I freaked out, told him I never wanted to see him again, that I wasn’t "a fucking queer" 'He shook his head at his own words, seeming ashamed of what he had said. ‘We didn’t talk for weeks. I won’t lie; the next six weeks were the most miserable weeks of my life. I know it sounds cliché but it felt like the sun had fucking gone. Everything lost it’s colour, nothing was happy or fun…it just was. I had been apart from Jamia for two months before and I never felt anything like it. I was so close to breaking down and calling him, telling him I was sorry, and that I wanted him like crazy. Then one night, when I was left on my own while Jamia was out with the girls I hear this banging on my front door. I opened it and there he was, Gerard in all his drunken glory. He started rambling about how he was sorry, that he didn’t mean it. I remember just thinking to myself ‘even when he’s drunk and annoying he’s so cute’. So, I did what I felt was the right thing to do. I kissed him. After that we started meeting up again¸ doing stuff but never quite having full sex. I was fucking terrified, and so was Gerard I think. But he loved me. Even then, I knew it. He looked at me with so much adoration that I felt like garbage when I thought about how I refused to end things with Jamia. The truth was, I was scared. Being with Gerard meant giving up the future I had planned for years. I don’t know if you ever had life goals or ambitions that meant a lot to you, if you have than I’m sure you can imagine how I felt about having to let all of them go. The thing about secrets is that they all come out in the end. One night we were hanging out in Gerard’s apartment when Lindsay came home and found us in the bedroom. Man, I’ve never seen someone so fucking…crushed. I knew she would tell Jamia when she was finished yelling at Gerard so I went home and broke up with Jamia. I never felt so low, so unworthy of being alive as I did that night. I had to tell the woman who spent five years of her life with me, with all these hopes and dreams of our big future that I was in love with someone else, and a guy for that matter. As expected it didn’t go down well. She was heartbroken and devastated. She kicked me out right there and then, told me she never wanted to see me ever again. After spending five years with someone, hearing those words hurt. She was a big part of my life, more than that she was my friend. She knew all my shitty little secrets, my insecurities, flaws and weaknesses. It was hard to walk away from that. After that night I went to Gerard and we both just cried. The thing is though, you think after that it would’ve been some kind of ‘happily ever after’ right? Thing is, I’m a coward who was fucking terrified of committing myself to a man. It meant I would have to come out to my parents, my friends, everyone. Gerard seemed to be okay with the idea but I held back. Eventually I decided to just get it over and done with, I figured maybe it was just like a band aid. If I did it in one go it would be less painful. So, I got my parents together, along with some friends and I did it. My mother cried, but she accepted me. No, even more than that she loved me still. My father didn’t take it so well. To this day we keep in minimal contact. We meet up a couple of times a year but it’s never been the same since. Most of my friends were cool about it thankfully but some of them... well they showed their true colours after that.’ ‘That must have been hard’ The words left Amanda’s mouth as she thought them, her hand reaching out to give Frank’s arm a comforting squeeze. ‘It was’ he stated bluntly ‘and I didn’t take it well. The fallout from it all hit me really hard. I was trying to forge out a career in music which is a pretty tough industry to break into. On top of that I was dealing with my new found sexuality along with building a new relationship with a guy, which is something both of us were struggling with. A relationship with a man is very different than having a relationship with a woman. With Jamia, everything was trying to read between the lines, making sure I didn’t say or do the wrong thing. With Gerard, if I did something stupid I was told about it, bluntly. I didn’t have to worry about leaving the toilet seat up or not cleaning up after myself. When he wanted sex he initiated it, instead of waiting for me to pick up the signs and make a move. It scared me. I couldn’t help but feel that something was going to happen to even out all the pain I’d caused Jamia.’ He cleared his throat to clear some of the hoarseness in his voice. ‘Gerard was fucking perfect. He was affectionate, patient, and loyal. Then I fucked it up. I was out one night with an old friend when we bumped into someone from high school, Conor. He was a loose friend in school, we hung around the same circle sometimes. Anyway he joined us for a few drinks. When it came out that Jamia and I had broken up and that I was now with a man he wouldn’t let it drop. All night I had to put up with snide remarks about how I was ‘incapable of pleasing of woman’ and that’s why I suddenly ‘turned gay’. Eventually I just lost it. He’d goaded me until I snapped at him to shut it. He just fucking laughed at me, told me if I was so sure I could still get a woman to go find one. So I did. I picked up the first girl that responded to me and I fucked her. I felt horrible the next day, that I couldn’t even look at Gerard. I’d always been faithful with Jamia and it took me three months to cheat on Gerard. I wanted to ruin it I suppose, I felt like I didn’t deserve to be happy. I thought he would dump me when I told him, that I would be stuck alone and miserable. I told him I didn’t think I was ready for a monogamous relationship. That I was incapable of offering him the relationship he wanted just to make sure I pushed him away. He didn’t speak for a couple of hours after I told him. You know what a mouthy fucker he is, and I had actually made him speechless for the first time ever. When we did talk again, he told me he would take me any way he would have me even if it meant sharing me with other people, just as long as there were no feelings involved.’ He laughed sarcastically. ‘I was so fucking angry. I mean, most people would show you the door but Gerard just took it. So, I decided to shove it in his face in hopes of showing him just how horrible a person I was. Every weekend I would go out and pick up some chick, screw her in our apartment. I did this for a year straight before he decided to give me some of my own medicine. It fucking hurt so much. I couldn’t do anything about it though. I was the one who had created the situation. I think deep down Gerard knew exactly what I was trying to do, but he loved me so much he couldn’t let me go. But he changed. He went from being an affectionate, easy going person to this introverted dominating angry man. I hate myself for that, but I didn’t know how to fix it. Then you came along. He started acting like his old self again. He got excited about something, and he was opening up to someone. It’s why I was threatened by you at first. Then I realised that for once I had to put Gerard first. He stayed with me even when I trampled all over him. Having you around makes him happy, more relaxed. He’s drawing again on the days me and you do our thing, something he hasn’t done in years. He doesn’t carry around all this anger anymore.’ ‘Why are you telling me this?’ Amanda stopped him before he could make her feel any worse. ‘Because I want you to know that he loves you. Even if he hasn’t said it yet, he does. You made him want to be a better person. I thought you loved him too.’ ‘I do’ she choked out, tears slipping down her cheeks. ‘Oh God, I fucked up, didn’t I?’ ‘Amanda, I’ve only seen Gerard speechless twice in all the time I’ve known him. The second time was today. He’s hurt right now but Gerard is loyal and deep down he’s a pushover. If you want him all you have to do is go get him. Just promise me something. Only come back if you’re sure this is what you want, because if you hurt us again I won’t be letting you back.’ He stood up from the couch and picked up with jacket, walking towards the door with a solemn expression on his face. When he opened her door he turned around, giving her one last look. ‘Call me when you make your decision.’ The door closed behind him, his last words ringing through the apartment.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

  
Amanda held her phone in her hand, her thumb hovering over the screen while her eyes lingered on the screen. She wanted to call and hear his voice. She wanted the comfort he would bring if he chose to give it to her. She sighed, frustrated with herself as her fear held her back from pressing his name on her screen and calling him. Would a phone call suffice? She knew it wouldn’t. He was a man of action, not of words. Gestures are what got his attention. She decided to swallow her fear, pick up her keys and drive. The journey wasn’t very far and she was thankful for that, it gave her less time to freak out.

As she pulled up the driveway she began to panic, believing she had made a mistake in coming. She would’ve been better off staying at home that night and giving Gerard the night to cool off. She knew his temper was volatile at times, but Frank had told her once he never brought that home. Would he just ignore her then? Give her a cold look before asking her to leave? She dreaded the idea of him turning her away, after everything it had taken to get her here. If she believed Frank, and she really wanted to, Gerard did love her. Would that be enough cause for him to give her another chance?

She took a deep breath as she killed the engine, leaning back in her seat for a moment to gather her nerves before she entered the house. This could easily be the last time she saw the house so she admired its beauty undisturbed, in case her worst fear came true. She longed for the place to be her home too, a place she could feel safe and at ease. She prolonged her procrastination for as long as she could before she knew she was just dragging out her inner turmoil for longer than necessary. She got out of her car with heavy feet and quickly walked into the house. She could hear the TV blaring from the Living Room, her legs automatically turning to take her to the source of the noise. The door was ajar slightly and moved noiselessly when she pushed it open. She saw Frankie slouching on the couch wearing a pair of faded, ripped grey jeans and a black hoody. He held a beer in his hand, which was resting on his stomach as he stared at the TV with a bored expression.

‘Hey’ she spoke softly trying and failing to not scare him as he jumped into a sitting position, spilling his drink over himself in the process.

‘Motherfucker’ he cursed, glaring at her slightly before his expression softened.

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you’ she giggled, not feeling very sorry at all.

‘It’s fine’ he muttered, grabbing a box of tissues that were on the glass coffee table in front of the couch. ‘He’s upstairs in his office.’

She bit her lip, feeling her stomach twist in a knot.

‘That is why you’re here, isn’t it?’ Frank asked, worried he was mistaking her nerves as something else.

‘Yeah…do you think he’ll listen to me?’

Frank shrugged ‘Only one way to find out.’

She gave him a nod which he returned with a smile before she left him to his boredom. She walked up the staircase with trepidation, unable to stop herself from biting her lip and making it bleed. When she got to the office she was stunned to find it wasn’t closed over. Gerard was always very secretive about his office, abhorring any kind of interruption while he worked due to a fear of ‘losing his rhythm’ if disturbed. She knocked on the door lightly and quickly, part of her hoping he wouldn’t answer.

‘Come in’ his voice was low, but she could hear the defeat in it loud and clear. She opened it with shaking hands. He was sitting in an extremely comfortable looking leather chair that was situated behind a beautiful dark mahogany desk. The room was painted in dark rich red, making the room appear smaller than it was. The desk was scattered in pages, some were scraps with writing and others were sketches. He had a wooden pin board behind him, with notes and a calendar. His home office was the opposite of the office he occupied at work she noted with slight amusement. He looked up in surprise as she entered, before it turned in a scowl.

‘What do you want?’ His voice was almost as childish as his words as he glared. Leaning back in his chair he inspected her, searching for signs of remorse or guilt she suspected.

‘I wanted to talk to you.’

‘I’m not sure if that’s a good idea right now Amanda. I might say something you’ll regret hearing so it’s best you leave.’

The words stung and ignited her desire to fight.

‘I can take whatever you want to throw at me Gerard. I’m not going to run away over a few hurtful words. Give me your best.’

His expression became guarded at her words, his gaze intensified as he refused to look away from her.

‘Why did you do it?’

The question, blunt and straight to the point caught Amanda by surprise. She expected an argument, some long winded to-ing and fro-ing before they got down to the hard questions.

‘Why?... I’m not sure. Maybe because I was hurt, jealous and insecure. Maybe because I was just plain scared.’ She refused to meet his eyes as she spoke, fearing that would lose her confidence if she met those beautiful golden hazel orbs that were always burning with emotion.

‘Scared?’ The words left Gerard’s mouth in a small voice, fear of a déjà vu lacing his tone as his face began to show a trace of hurt and fear breaking though the neutral expression.

‘This, all of this, was never part of my plan Gerard. Not that I had one really, but I suppose I had this vague idea of what I wanted. I wanted a career, not necessarily successful but one I was happy in and that I carved out through my own hard work and patience. I hoped that I would meet somebody slightly more successful than me, who would find something about me that maybe they could love enough to marry me, have a family with. The same shit a lot of people of want I suppose. Instead life, fate, whatever you want to call it, gave me you.’

She looked at him, needing to know he was listening to her. His eyes burned into her and she knew she had his full attention.

’The thing is, all of the things I thought I wanted went out the window when you came into my life. All I wanted was you. That’s not something I ever thought I would feel. You… God sometimes it feels like I’m fucking ensnared in some kind of trap and you’re the only one who can release me. The thing is, I don’t want to be released. Last night made me realise that the whole family thing doesn’t mean anything if you can’t have it with the person who means the most in the world to you.’

Gerard’s attempt to not give in to her seemed to crumble, her eyes begging him for forgiveness silently.

‘I want you to say it.’

His words were harsh, almost choked with passion as they filled the room. She knew exactly what he wanted her to say. He was testing her and she knew it. Would she overcome her fear and admit the thing she had tried to hide from him or would her pride and foolishness take precedence like they had for Frank? If she admitted her feelings she was giving him a power that she couldn’t take back. She would break down the last remaining wall of self defence she had around him, making her completely vulnerable and open. She would have to trust him with her heart completely, and with it her mind too. The two were connected for her. Any damage to her heart would break her down mentally.

‘Is that what it will take?’ She whispered hoping for a way out.

‘Yes.’ The single word was curt, showing his impatience.

‘I…I love you.’

The words seemed to break the tension in the air, filling the space with nothing but silence as Amanda began to wonder if she had made the right decision.

‘Come here.’ His words were commanding as he pushed his chair away from his desk, patting his lap indicating what he wanted. She shakily made her way over to him, pleading for her legs to not give up on her. She was within his reach he grabbed her hand gently, guiding her onto his lap. His scent was overwhelming her as she inhaled it greedily, feeling comforted and on edge with desire at the same time, He pulled her body into his own as she curled herself up onto his lap. He rested his chin on her head, kissing it briefly with light lips before whispering softly into her ear.

‘I care about you too sugar…don’t ever forget that.’

 

 


	16. Chapter Sixteen

 

  
‘I don’t see how that’s my problem…how bad is it…fuck…okay, I’m booking the next available flight out, you better get your act together before I get there.’

Amanda sat awkwardly on the couch while Frank was on the phone, surprised at how annoyed he was. From what she gathered the new band he was working with were having some problems with their lead singer. They were due to start recording their album next week but he was threatening to pull out of the band. It now seemed like it was up to Frank to fly out and fix their internal problems. Amanda realised with a pang that she would really miss him.

He ran a hand through his hair as he let out an annoyed sigh, his other hand tightly clenching his phone.

‘For fuck sake’ he cursed, before looking at Amanda as though he only remembered she was there.

‘I have to fly out to Detroit’ he told her, as though she couldn’t hear the conversation he had right in front of her.

‘How long will you be gone for?’

‘I’m not sure, hopefully just for a couple of days.’

‘I’ll miss you.’

He smiled at her words.

‘I’ll miss you too. I better go and pack. Stupid fucking egotistical singers’ he ranted as he left the sitting room, racing up the stairs. Gerard was out with an old friend, leaving Amanda and Frank alone. Things had just been getting hot and heavy when Frank’s phone rang, leaving Amanda achingly frustrated. She stayed where she was for as long as she could before her hormones took over and led her upstairs, quickly but quietly finding her way to the master bedroom where she saw Frank was on the phone again, buying his ticket for the flight. She spotted the black duffle bag on the bed, the zip opened and ready to be packed. His back was turned to her, his focus completely set on the person he was talking to. She walked into the en suite bathroom, gathering a few of his toiletries and his toothbrush for him and packing them neatly in his bag. She then took some clothes out of his dresser, grabbing a few jeans and t shirts, and a couple of hoodies for good measure to make sure nothing would be forgotten. She threw in some underwear and socks for him before zipping up his bag. She looked up to find he was watching her, his face lit up with amusement.

She didn’t say a word as she walked over to him, gently cupping his face before guiding his lips to her own. He responded by wrapping his arms around her waist, crushing her body against his. The kiss was hot, heavy and far from innocent until Frank gave a little groan and pulled away.

‘I don’t have time’ he whined.

‘I just saved you at least ten minutes’ she spoke with a smile, grabbing his hand and dragging him over to the bed before pushing him forcefully onto the bed. She crawled on top of him, straddling his hips as she kissed him again, her hands roaming under his t-shirt to feel his soft skin. He let out another moan, grabbing her hips roughly before deciding to take control and rolling Amanda over onto her back. She gasped in surprise and annoyance when he pinned her down, looking up at his adorable face with a glare. She rarely got the opportunity to take control with either men, something she enjoyed most of the time but on the rare occasion like today it irritated her.

‘Aw, don’t look so annoyed baby’ he whispered into her ear with a grin ‘we both know who enjoys being dominated.’

He pulled his faded brown t shirt off in a flash, giving Amanda a brief glimpse of his tattooed chest and torso before he pulled her jeans and panties off in one go. His hand briefly caressed between her legs.

‘God I love it when you’re already wet’ he whispered before he removed his hand and pulled his jeans down. He entered her without warning, thrusting into her with speed and force and starting a punishing rhythm. Her anger over his taking control evaporated¸ her hands grabbed his biceps as she enjoyed his dominance. The room was filled with moans and heavy breathing as they took pleasure in each other for a few moments. Amanda came to a shuddering climax, quickly followed by Frank as he finished with a loud groan before collapsing on top of her. He stayed still for a few minutes while his regained control of his breathing, kissing Amanda softly before pulling out of her and fixing his jeans. His eyes fixed on the alarm clock beside the bed, the digits making him curse.

‘Shit, I have to go. Tell Gerard for me?’ he asked quickly as he grabbed the duffle bag while Amanda sat up and searched for her jeans.

‘Okay. Be careful.’

He gave her a quick kiss before leaving, not saying goodbye as he raced out of the house. He never said goodbye unless he had no intention of seeing the person again. He told her it felt like it was a bad omen, that by saying those words you were in fact stating that you no desire to see the person again. Instead he would give hugs, kisses or a ‘see you later’.

She hopped into the shower, washing away all the grim and sweat from her session with Frank. Her knees were still a little weak after her orgasm, the memory making her smile. One thing that definitely wasn’t lacking in her life was great sex, something she knew a lot of people couldn’t say. When she finished and got dressed she heard Gerard coming in the front door. She went down to greet him, finding him still in the hallway as he opened a few letters that were kept on top of the small table beside the door. He looked up when he heard her footsteps, his trade mark smirk gracing his face.

‘Hey’ he greeted warmly.

‘Hey, how was your coffee date?’ she teased.

‘Good, nothing special really. Where’s Frank?’ he enquired, noting how quiet the house was.

‘He’s on his way to the airport, has to sort out some problems with the band in Detroit.’

‘Did he say how long he’ll be gone?’

‘He said it should only be a couple of days.’

Gerard nodded, not appearing to be too concerned. Amanda had noticed he had become much more relaxed in the two weeks since her night with Andy. He appeared to be calmer, more in control of himself. Her confession seemed to have given him some kind of peace of mind, made him sure of himself and where he stood with her. The fact that she was had admitted her feelings made him feel more confident about her.

She hadn’t told him that she was still in contact with Andy. They texted each other most days, both equally concerned for the other. Amanda could sense his unhappiness with his girlfriend, but he remained with her for some unfathomable reason. He had a misplaced loyalty and until he had proof she was cheating he wouldn’t walk away. Amanda wanted to tell him straight up that he was being an idiot but she knew it wasn’t her place. It was something he would have to figure out on his own. She also knew by his subtle hints that he was worried about her too. She had tried telling him she was happy now, and that things were better than before but he didn’t believe her.

‘Guess it’s just me and you tonight then, huh?' Gerard’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

‘I guess so.’

‘You know what that means?’

Her eyes lit up as she began to tremble with excitement.

‘Steak dinner?’

‘Damn right. Get your shoes on, we’ll go to the supermarket and buy some meat.’

‘YES!’ Amanda all but flew back up the stairs, her excitement causing her to stumble as she ran to her room. It had been so long since she had eaten meat due to Frank’s vegetarianism which he strictly enforced in the house. An hour and a half later they were finishing their meal of steak and chips, made by Gerard who was a surprisingly good cook.

‘Oh my God you should cook more’ Amanda exclaimed as she lounged on the couch, feeling too full to do anything else.

‘Tell Frank that. All he wants is take out or his own cooking.’

Amanda giggled while averting her eyes back to the screen, Soprano’s being their TV show of choice for the night. They sat in comfortable silence with Amanda cuddling up to Gerard until Amanda’s phone starting ringing. She looked at the caller ID, confused when she saw Andy’s name flash on the screen.

‘I better take this’ she muttered quickly as she got off the couch, leaving the sitting room and closing the door behind her before accepting the call.

‘Hello?’

‘Hey, short shit, what’s up?’

His slurred words gave away his drunken state. Alarm bells immediately began to go off in her mind, feeling concerned.

‘Andy, what’s wrong?’ She asked, walking up the stairs to make sure Gerard couldn’t hear her conversation.

‘I broke up with Bella…I just wondered if you’re free to be my drinking buddy tonight? I kinda need one right now.’

Amanda bit her lip, cursing Andy mentally for putting her in this situation. She either had to say no to Andy, or lie to Gerard and neither were good options. If she told Gerard who she was going to spend time with she knew he would flip, which was the last thing she wanted since things were going so well. She also knew she owed it to Andy to be there for him, he wouldn’t hesitate if the shoe was on the other foot.

‘Where are you?’

It turned out he was in a bar she had heard of before but had never been in. She hung up with a muttered ‘I’ll be there as soon as I can’. She began to think of excuses to go out without Gerard being suspicious. The closer to the truth she could get to, the better, she decided as she made her way back down the stairs, trembling slightly. The minute she opened the sitting room door he turned to look at her.

‘Is everything okay?’ he asked with vague concern.

‘That was…a friend…they just broke up with their partner, they wanted to know if I could meet them for a few cheer me up drinks…’

He smiled.

‘You don’t need my permission, don’t look so nervous.’

‘I just feel bad is all, we were having a nice night in.’

‘Tell you what, we’ll spend the day together tomorrow, do something fun to make up for it okay?’

She smiled, relieved that it had been so easy. She also did it without lying, which made her feel worse. He trusted her and she felt like she was breaking it.

‘That sounds great. I better go get ready.’

She got ready quickly, not feeling in the mood to get dolled up. She made herself presentable in skinny jeans and a long sleeve v neck top with some generic design on it that she couldn’t care to remember. She was about to wear a pair of pumps before remembering who she was going out with and putting on a pair of five inch heels instead. They might hurt like a bitch but at least she would feel less awkward about the height difference.

She said a quick goodbye to Gerard before jumping in the taxi she’d ordered while getting dressed. When she made it to the bar it had been half an hour since Andy had phoned her. She found him sitting up at the bar, drinking what looked liked whiskey judging by the colour of the liquor and the look of disgust on his face as he downed the liquid.

‘Hey shorty…well, not so shorty tonight. Did you magically grow or something?’

‘I’m wearing magical contraptions called heels. I’m now average height mother fucker.’

‘No matter how high your heels are you’ll always be a short shit’ he giggled.

‘Fuck you.’

‘You already did!’

She gasped in shock at his frankness, before giving him a shove.

‘Hey!’

He just laughed again, before calling the barman over and ordering a drink, and a couple of shots.

‘You need to catch up!’ he ordered, watching as she chugged them down.

‘So, wanna talk about it?’

‘Not really. Right now, I just want to get shit faced in good company.’

‘I don’t know about the good company part but I can certainly help with the getting drunk part.’

They clinked their drinks together, before beginning a ‘who can drink the fastest’ contest.

She should have known how the night would end. In truth, she knew the moment she agreed to meet him what would end up happening. She should have stopped him when he pulled her into the empty alley down the street from the bar when they decided to go out to another bar. Her mind was screaming at her to put an end to it when he began kissing her, his hands roaming up her top and cupping her breast roughly. It wasn’t until they were interrupted by another couple who had the same idea that Amanda finally saw sense and pulled away, her face red with shame as they other horny couple giggled at them before scampering off to find another deserted place.

‘Andy I…I can’t.’

‘I’m sorry’ he muttered quickly, regret evident in his voice ‘I’m really drunk right now and I just…fuck I’m sorry.’

‘No, don’t be it’s my fault, I just…I gotta go, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.’

She stumbled out of the alley way, hailing the first taxi she saw and flinging herself inside.

‘Fuck’ she cried, wiping away a few stray tears of fury as guilt consumed her, in part for kissing Andy and in part for leaving him the way she did. Her phone buzzed in her bag. It was a simple one word text from Andy.  
  
 _Sorry_.

She closed her eyes, trying to regain some composure before she got home. Her prayers were answered when she saw all the lights were off, signalling Gerard was asleep in bed. Without removing her clothes or brushing her teeth she collapsed on top of her bed, wishing it would swallow her whole before she lost consciousness.

 


	17. Chapter Seventeen

 

  
She woke up suddenly, feeling someone behind her wrapping their arms around her, alarming her for a second before she relaxed at the familiar scent of coffee and cigarettes. She turned around to face Gerard.

'Rough night?’ He sounded amused, grinning at her appearance. Amanda hadn’t changed out of her clothes when she flopped herself onto the bed without bothering to take her make up off or brush her teeth. She shrugged her shoulders.

‘I’m not hungover if that’s what you’re thinking.’ He laughed.

‘Good. Then you can get your ass out of bed and get ready. We’re going out!’

‘Where?’ she couldn’t help but smile excitedly, like a child on Christmas morning.

‘That’s a surprise. Go get a shower.’ He slapped her ass before leaping off her bed. Amanda groaned, stretching her body out before letting out a deep breath. The events with Andy last night were still fresh in her mind and she was trying her best to push them to the back of her mind. It was a slip up, one she was determined not to make again. Gerard meant too much for her to lose over a silly attraction. Especially a person who was still hung up over their ex. She refused to be used as Andy’s method to get over, or get back at, his ex. At least not in the way he seemed to want. She was willing to be there for him, she wanted to be there for him even, but not at the expense or her relationship. She sighed with frustration, deciding not to think about it anymore and crawled out of bed and into her bathroom, enjoying the hot shower that woke her up fully and made her feel somewhat better. When she finally came downstairs, she wasn’t surprised to find Gerard was in the kitchen, sipping his coffee and reading the newspaper with vague mild interest as he leaned against the breakfast counter. She greeted him with a kiss, managing not to look disgusted at the taste of coffee on his lips.

'So, where are we going?’

'Like I said, it’s a surprise. It’s a good one, trust me.’

She gave a little childish squeal of delighted, clapping her hands together in excitement.

'Really?’

'You’re adorable when you get so excited’ he laughed, making Amanda blush. He would make comments like that every so often completely out of the blue and Amanda’s response of blushing madly never changed.

'Are you ready?’ he asked, ignoring her red cheeks.

' I think so, unless there’s anything in particular I need.’

‘Alright, let’s go!’ He put his coffee down on the breakfast bar, leaving the remaining contents in it. Amanda smirked when she thought about how Frank would react if he saw it, imagining the evil glare he would give Gerard until it was picked up, washed and put away. Frank was a clean freak to Amanda’s surprise. She came home once to find he had put the pile of clean clothes she left lying on her floor away, all folded away neatly. She let out a small sigh, feeling ridiculous for missing him when he was only gone for one night. The thought quickly vanished when Gerard gently took a hold of her hand, lacing his fingers with hers. It was done naturally and thoughtlessly, their hands fitting perfectly together like two pieces of a puzzle. She wondered if Gerard noticed it too.

An hour later they were at an ice rink

'Are you kidding me?’ Amanda asked, her eyes narrowed suspiciously at the ice as though it was ready to come and attack her.

'You mentioned a while ago that you never went. I thought it’d be fun.’

She racked her brain, trying to remember when she told him that. It was true, she was too afraid of slipping and making a fool of herself to ever try ice skating. The idea was as daunting as it was terrifying.

'We were watching some shitty movie on TV and you said you’d never tried ice skating’ he explained, noticing her confused expression.

'I’m surprised you remembered.’

'I take in more than you realise’ he replied with a shy smile, making Amanda’s heart melt in spite of the cold temperature. She wanted nothing more than to kiss him, right there and then. She cupped his face before planting a gentle, quick kiss on his lips.

'I’m gonna fall’ she murmured.

'You won’t, I promise.’ She nodded, letting him lead her over to the desk where Gerard paid before they were given their skates. They were awkward and clunky to put on, making Amanda cuss under her breath. She could see Gerard laughing at her out of the corner of her eye which she paid no attention to. When she finally managed to fasten the skates on properly she turned to face Gerard, her eyes wide with fear.

'Promise you won’t let go?’

'I promise’ he whispered.

He offered his hand to her, not flinching when she gripped it tightly in fright when she stood up. He gave her an encouraging smile, as though it would somehow help her. It didn’t at all, she stumbled her way to the rink, clutching onto Gerard for dear life as they stood outside the barrier of the rink.

‘This is a bad idea, I can’t do it. I’ve got no balance or coordination at all. This has disaster written all over it. You did this just to embarrass me, didn’t you?’

‘No, I did this because I wanted to do something special with you. Also, confidence is the key to ice skating. If you’re afraid of falling or what other people think your body tenses up and your movements are too stiff, which is why you fall. If you let go, and stop worrying so much about what might happen, you’ll find skating is actually quite easy.’

His eyes were earnest and she knew his words were full of double meaning. She couldn’t form a reply; she just nodded before taking a deep breath. He guided onto the ice, her natural instincts taking over as she clung onto Gerard even tighter.

'Hey, it’s okay. Just relax. Remember what I told you, if you tense up you’re more likely to fall. It’s just like skating with roller blades.’

She perked up at this.

‘Really?’

'Yes, the same principal applies, kind of. Skate the same way you would if you were wearing roller blades, just don’t go so fast until you get use to the ice.’

'Okay’ she took a quick deep breath, before Gerard slowly started to skate on the ice.

She tried her best to loosen up, remembering Gerard’s words about how it was all about confidence. He took her around the rink once and to her surprise she only stumbled twice. After the third time she was confident enough to let go of his hand, she needed to prove that she could do it. He stayed right beside her, ready to catch her if she fell. He grabbed her hand again and started skating faster, holding on to her tightly with a proud smile on his face.

'See, I knew you could do it.’

When their hour was up they were forced to leave the rink, much to Amanda’s dismay. She never got the opportunity to spend time with Gerard like this and she hated that it was over so soon. She tried her best not to show it, not wanting to seem ungrateful for the amazing time she had.

'Thank you’ she spoke softly as they walked out the door, hand in hand.

‘You’re more than welcome. I like making you smile like that.’

Without warning she stopped, pulling him into a hug.

'I love you’ she whispered into his ear.

‘I love you too’ he kissed her cheek, oblivious to the fact that her heart was suddenly spastic in her chest at his words. She had never expected to hear him say those words ever, and now that he had she felt as though their relationship, as fucked up and unconventional as it was, was worth it.

 


	18. Chapter Eighteen

_'Can we talk?'_

The words greeted her eyes when they flicked on the screen of her cell phone, which had been lying on her desk quietly all morning. It was from Andy, who she had been ignoring for the past two weeks. She was putting all her efforts into her relationship with Gerard and Frank, desperate to make it work now that Gerard had spoken the words she had longed to hear. He told her he loved her and she was floating on air since it had happened. Nothing could bring her down, not even the knowledge that Gerard was leaving in less than half an hour to go to some wedding with Frank. She felt secure and needed for the first time ever.

The text from Andy was unwelcome, making her feel a pang of conscience. She hadn’t forgotten the kiss they shared that night in the alley way, as much as she tried to erase it from her memory. It had been a stupid, thoughtless thing to do but for some reason she had been dreaming about Andy ever since that night. She was certain it was due to a mixture of guilt and anger but she knew deep down it was something else. She sighed heavily as she picked up her cell phone, biting her lip fleetingly as she focused on the text. She unlocked her phone and gave a quick reply before practically throwing it on her desk. Avoidance wasn’t going to make Andy go away, not from her thoughts at least so she figured the best course of action might be to confront him about what the hell had happened.

Gerard chose that moment to step out of his office with his briefcase in one hand while the other was still on the door handle, closing the door behind him quietly instead of his usual careless shove that would always cause the door to slam.

‘I’m going to head off now Amanda. You can go when you finish up writing up those notes for Franco’s meeting.’

‘Okay’ she gave a forced smile, hoping Gerard wouldn’t see her agitation.

He gave her a sweet smile that told her it worked.

‘I’ll see you on Monday’ he left her with a nod, unable to do or say anything else while in front of their colleagues. More than likely he would send her a text later to tell her he would miss her and he would be back early Sunday morning. She knew a little part of him was worried that she was secretly upset that he was going away with Frank again, but she was surprised herself that she was nowhere near as bothered as she thought she would be. She had assured him and Frank that she was perfectly fine with them going away. Part of her was actually looking forward to a day or two of solitude, something she hadn’t had in a very long time. She decided to stay in for the entire weekend, her body was desperate for some rest and relaxation and a weekend lounging on the couch was the perfect way to do it. She wanted no distractions and no company.

She had a feeling she would need it after her talk with Andy.

****

She told Andy to meet her in a café that was close to her work. She had a good reason for this, considering how alcohol had been an influencing factor in almost all her previous dealings with Andy and she wanted to keep a clear and level head. Her stomach was in knots as she walked into the café, where she spotted Andy straight away sitting at a small table towards the back of the café. Even from the other side of the room she could see he looked exhausted and pale, his blue eyes which were normally shining bright seemed to have dimmed. She hoped maybe it was just the lighting of the room distorting his features. He was slouching on his chair and staring at the table in a daze, unaware of her arrival. She tried to control the rush of guilt she felt as she approached him, he was obviously going through a hard time and in her selfishness she had dropped him because they had both made a mistake.

‘Hey.’

Nothing could have prepared her for the rush of self loathing that hit her when he looked up at her. The vulnerable look made him appear like an overgrown boy, his clear complexion and dark eyelashes would make anyone believe he wasn’t a day over sixteen. He scrutinised her without shame.

‘Hey stranger.’

He didn’t smile like he normally did when he saw her. She hesitated before she sat down on the chair opposite him, uneasy with how little she knew about what was going on in his head or in his life.

‘How are you?’ She couldn’t think of another way to get the conversation going, not when she was so concerned over Andy’s state of mind.

‘I’m okay I suppose. And you?’

‘I’m good.’ She gave him a small smile, their conversation interrupted by a waitress who took their order.

‘So, you wanted to talk?’ she prompted Andy, unsure of what direction this get together would take. He left her question to linger between them for dramatic effect.

‘Are you happy Amanda? I mean, like genuinely happy?’

The question surprised her, she hadn’t seen it coming. It was an honest question with honest intention. What shocked her more was that she hesitated a fraction of a second before she could answer him.

‘Yes, yes of course I am.’

‘I don’t think you are.’

She wanted to groan, but she repressed it along with her frustration.

‘No Andy, I think you’re unhappy and you’re trying to deflect it onto me. I want to help you Andy but you have to open up and let me in. I know what it’s like to feel trapped and afraid and have no one to turn to. I don’t want that for you. You said you wanted to talk, so talk to me. Don’t give me some bullshit ‘I’m okay’.’

He sat up on his chair and leaned forward on the table.

‘Honestly, I’m not even sure what to say to you. I thought that when I saw you it would come to me. But here’s my problem - you say I can talk to you, be honest with you, but the truth is, if I told you what I wanted to say to you, you’d walk out of here in a heartbeat. You want to hear me sprout some bullshit about how I’m all torn up about my ex because the truth is something you won’t want to hear.’

‘That’s harsh and completely unfair.’

‘Maybe, but its how I feel. Shit, there’s just so much I want to say but-‘

‘Then just say it’ She didn’t mean to snap at him but her hurt feelings were shortening her patience.

‘Fine. I can’t stop thinking about you. All the fucking time you’re in my head, even when I’m asleep I dream about you. I’m not going to make some dramatic declaration of love but…this, me and you, there’s something here. You feel it too, I know you do and it fucking kills me that you’re wasting your time with a guy who’s using you. ‘

‘He’s not using me. He loves me.’

She heard the sentence in her own head and cringed at how it sounded. She sounded like one of those pathetic girls who couldn’t see the truth about the guy they were madly in love with. The words came out desperate and whiney, and were promptly met with a sarcastic raised eyebrow from Andy.

‘Can he really love you when he’s willing to share you with someone else? When he’s not willing to make you the only priority in his life?’

She shivered, suddenly feeling exposed and vulnerable. He was bringing back the old thoughts that she had finally learned to push away, the ones that made her insecure and doubtful of Gerard’s intentions. The words stung, because as much as Gerard professed his love for her she knew there was a little bit of truth behind them. Loving someone and being in love with someone were two different things.

She didn’t want to start thinking that way, not after all the progress they had made. She took a deep breath to try and reign in her agitation and anxiety.

‘Why are we even talking about this? My relationship with Gerard isn’t any of your concern.’

‘It is when I know I could make you happier than he does.’

‘I’m not going to listen to this.’ She stood up without warning, pushing her chair back roughly and marching out of the café. Anger was clouding her judgement and making her act impulsively. The anger she felt towards Andy was nothing compared to the fury she felt towards herself. She was letting his words get under her skin, she was giving him the power to make her doubt Gerard.

‘Amanda wait!’

Andy’s deep voice could be heard loud and clear even on the busy afternoon street. She hesitated for a second, giving him enough time to catch up with her and grab her by the arm. His blue eyes were intense as they held her attention, her focus solely on his face as they stood on the sidewalk.

‘Just tell me something before you walk away. You say you’re in love with this guy, but you still kissed me that night. Can you really stand there and say you feel nothing for me at all, that you don’t want me?’

He didn’t want for an answer before pressing his lips to hers. She gave in at first, her mind on automatic as she responded to the kiss. She was about to break away when he suddenly tore his lips away from her.

‘Just think about it.’

He left his words to hang in the air, giving her one final pleading look before walking away from a confused and bewildered Amanda.

 


	19. Nineteen

  
Andy’s words haunted her for the rest of the evening. There was no distraction big enough to keep the thought of him out of her head. His vulnerable boyish act in the café had permeated her defences and left her wondering if she had really done the right thing by walking out the way she did. What got to her more than anything else was that he was right, about everything.

She did have feelings for him, at least on some level. She wasn’t in love with him, that she was certain of. But if circumstances had been different there was no doubt it was a real possibility that she would have. He was a good person, who had a good heart and who seemed genuine in his feelings towards her. She knew that he would be good for her, in many ways. He brought out her caring side; he made her feel as though she was needed, as though she was wanted. That was something she didn’t feel with Gerard. In spite of his profession of love she was still not the main priority in his life. That she was okay with; she was reconciled to her co existence with Frank. But did acceptance mean she had to settle for it?

She bit her lip as she sat on the edge of the couch, too wound up to sit back and relax. In spite of the bottle of wine she was consuming she was still full of pent up energy and anxiety. She found herself hating the isolation she now found herself in. She badly wanted to call her friends but she wasn’t prepared to talk to them about what was happening. She knew she would only face a barrage of questions if she was to face them now and it was something she was unable to handle at that moment. Gerard had inadvertently made her slowly cut her only true friends out of her life. She knew it was unintentional, it wasn’t part of his plan to do so, but he had done it nonetheless. And now here she was, alone and restless and upset and she had absolutely nothing to show for the effort and patience she put into the relationship. Or maybe it was just the alcohol talking.

More than anything, she just wanted to hear his voice. Or even Frank’s voice if truth be told. That was another conundrum she didn’t even want to try and figure out. Frank had grown on her, there was no doubt about it. As much as she hated the idea of sharing Gerard there was another part of her that couldn’t see her life without Frank being a part of it somehow. Where Gerard was intense, Frank was relaxed. When Gerard wanted alone time she had Frank to keep her company. And on the odd occasion where she couldn’t find comfort in Gerard she would find it in Frank. Sometimes she skipped Gerard and went straight to Frank, knowing he was the better person to make her forget about whatever it was that had upset or agitated her. In some ways she found herself enjoying Frank’s company more than Gerard’s. He didn’t ignite her the same way Gerard could, but he was had steadily wormed his way into her affections and her heart.

Her cell phone buzzed, sounding obnoxiously loud in the otherwise quiet room. She jumped, spilling a little of her wine on the wooden floor. She grabbed the phone automatically, and couldn’t help how happy she felt when she saw Gerard’s name flash up on the screen. The fact that he was thinking about her even when she wasn’t around reaffirmed in her mind that he did love her.

‘Hello?’ her voice was breathless when she answered giving it a higher pitch than normal.

‘Hey sugar’ she could tell he was smiling by how cheery his voice was ‘are you missing us yet?’

‘You know I am. How’s the hotel?’

‘It’s okay, nothing special really. It’s got room service so it could be worse. How are you? Are you meeting the girls tonight?’

‘I’m…good. I think I’m going to sit in tonight, spend a bit of time with Ben and Jerry and Mr. Gosling.’

‘I’m starting to worry about your fascination with Ryan Gosling, if I didn’t know any better I’d think I have a bit of competition on my hands.’

She gave a half hearted laugh that was so ridiculously fake it made her cringe.

‘Are you okay?’  
  
 _No, I’m not okay. I’m hurt, angry, confused and right now I just wish you were here to tell me you love me and that everything Andy said was wrong._

‘I’m fine; I’m just tired, and maybe just a little drunk.’

She heard a hurried whispered conversation take place, but she was unable to clearly hear anything other than Frank’s voice responding to whatever Gerard was saying.

‘Amanda, if you want us to come back we-‘

‘No!’ she all but shouted down the phone, panicked at the thought. As much as she wanted them home, if they saw her in her current state they would force her to talk about what was on her mind, and she wasn’t ready to tell them about Andy.

‘Are you sure?’ Gerard’s voice was doubtful, he clearly wasn’t happy that she was getting drunk alone.

‘I’m sure. I just want an evening alone. I’m good. You two enjoy yourselves and have fun at the wedding.’

‘We’ll be back Sunday afternoon at the latest.’

‘I’ll see you then.’

She wanted him to say the words she desperately needed to hear. She needed to hear those three words that would make her current turmoil dissipate.

‘Take care of yourself sugar. ‘

She disconnected the phone call with a quick stab of her thumb. Dissatisfaction was beginning to manifest itself in her mind. She took in the living room she was currently sitting in. While it was meant to be her home there was no indication that she lived there. The house was as cold and sterile as it had been when she first came to stay. It was nothing like the apartment she lived in. She had yet to let the place go, due to her fear that things might not work out. She knew Gerard would be angry if he found out, he would see it as her doubting the relationship which, if she was being honest, was exactly what it was. How on earth could she ever be one hundred per cent confident in a relationship where there was no security or long term commitment? There was no way this relationship could ever become more. In the end, a part of her knew that whether it was in a few weeks or a few years she would eventually become dissatisfied.

Something inside her snapped, and before she was fully aware of what she was doing, she was going through her contact list and dialling a number that was becoming too familiar to her. She bit her lip when she heard Andy’s deep voice her greet her ears.

‘Are you free?’

She heard him sigh, probably unsure whether he wanted to see her. She couldn’t blame him if he said no. A part of her wanted him to say no, to turn his back on her and make her choice easier. She couldn’t be tempted if he didn’t give her anything to be tempted by. In her drunken mind all of this was his fault, if he had just been happy with remaining friends she wouldn’t be in her current state.

‘Meet me at McClaren’s bar on Fifth Avenue in half an hour.’

He hung up on her abruptly, leaving her in a daze until she realised she had limited time to get herself together and ready to meet Andy. She knew how the night was likely to end, in fact she welcomed the idea as she changed out of her jeans into a dress and put on a pair of killer heels. She was stumbling as she walked out of the house, which she convinced herself was because of the high heels and nothing to do with the entire bottle of pinot grigio she had consumed.

She couldn’t help but relish the way he eyed her up when she stalked up to him and she sat at the bar, drink already in hand. She took the seat next to him and gave him an easy smile.

‘So can I ask why I get the privilege of your company tonight, considering how you couldn’t wait to get away from me earlier?’

‘I don’t know. It could be because I’m fucking drunk, or pissed off. Or maybe I just like being around you more than I want to admit. But I think you already know that. So how about tonight we don’t fucking talk about it and just see how it goes.’

He took a calm sip of his beer, giving himself time to respond to her flippant reply.

‘Whatever you want’ was his eventual reply.

‘Two shots of tequila’ she ordered when the barman came over to her ‘and a double JD and coke.’

Andy raised a questioning eyebrow at her which she ignored.

‘Just to make myself clear, I have no intention of being a gentleman tonight.’ He whispered into her ear, his hot breath making her shiver as she clasped her shot. She knew exactly what he meant.

‘I’m counting on it’ she countered, downing her drink.

 

 


	20. Chapter Twenty

  
She woke up wrapped in a pair of arms that were holding her tightly. Her mind was not fully alert yet, but her body curled into the embrace in order to gain more heat. She felt movement behind her and a drawn out sigh that let her know they were waking up. Her eyes were still too tired to open up, so she stayed in her foetal position and willed herself to fall back asleep. The pair of lips that kissed her shoulder had other ideas apparently, as she felt a hand travel from her hip to her shoulder before snaking its way to her bare breast. She let out a sound that was a mixture of a moan and a groan of annoyance. The chuckle she heard made her jolt in shock, as flashbacks instantly came back to her. She turned to face Andy, who had a lazy smile on his face. He looked like the cat that got the cream, which was as adorable as it frustrating.

‘Morning’ he greeted, his voice hoarse but still utterly sexy.

She hummed her response, closing her eyes to block out the shit eating grin on his face. He knew exactly what was going through her mind. He had successfully proved the point he had been trying to make not even twenty four hours ago. She had proved him right. If there was anything Amanda hated it was being proven wrong.

Andy’s hand distracted her from her thoughts as it leisurely trailed over her body, something she was helpless to fight against so early in the morning. She gave a whine of protest when it suddenly stopped, but she was quickly silenced by his lips when they captured her own in a rough kiss. He broke the kiss and began tailing his tongue down her neck, sucking and licking the pale skin. He didn’t pay attention to her neck for too long, instead he began a path down her stomach before parting her legs and placing a slow, torturous kiss on the inside of her thigh. She squirmed impatiently, her body was on fire and she was in no mood for teasing. She gasped loudly when he licked her clitoris, her hips moving on their own accord. His large hands gripped her hips and pinned them down while he continued his pleasurable assault. She was a writhing mess when he stopped without warning, forcing an indignant cry from her.

His body covered hers, and with a gentle kiss he entered her with a long, slow thrust. She loved the moan that escaped from him when their hips met. Her hands fisted his hair roughly, drawing out a low hiss from him. He thrust into her harder in response, making her cry out in pleasure. He continued with his hard, wild thrusts until she climaxed around him, tipping him over the edge as he came with a guttural moan. He rolled off her quivering body and lay down beside her as they tried to catch their breaths.

‘So, are we actually going to talk about what’s happening or are you going to pretend like this didn’t happen?’

She could hear the resentment in his voice; it was a tone that didn’t suit him. She had to stop herself from flinching at the bitterness; she knew that she deserved it. She opened her eyes and faced him, his shockingly blue eyes fixating on her as he waited for her answer.

‘I don’t know if I can give you what you want. I wish it was as simple as leaving Gerard and Frank, but it’s not. The truth is either way I’m going to have regrets and wonder what might have been. You deserve better than this Andy. You deserve better than _me_  and we both know it. I’m too fucking selfish for you, I’d walk all over you the way you think Gerard walks over me. I can’t be the one who does that to you, I won’t. I can’t have it on my conscience. You’d hate me for it in the long run.’

‘You don’t get to be the one who decides what I deserve.’

She sighed angrily, frustration igniting in every nerve of her being as she stared down the stubborn man who looked at her unflinchingly with determination. She wondered what it would take to make him realise the horrible person she was deep down. Would it take a few hurtful words, or would it take something more drastic to make him view her the way she saw herself. She sat up sharply, covering herself with the duvet while fixing her hard eyes on his pale face.

‘Fine, then maybe this will help you decide. I don’t love you. I never will. Maybe you’re a better person than Gerard, but you’re not him. I like your company and I like your friendship but that’s all. You’re clinging on to me in some vein hope that I’ll see the fucking light or something, and I’m sorry to break it to you kid but it’s not going to happen. This isn’t some chick flick where the girl chooses the nice guy in the end. This is real life, and in real life girls like me are gluttons for punishment. We choose the assholes, because the assholes make our blood boil and our hearts race. They show us their soft side that they show nobody else, their hearts aren’t worn on their sleeves for everyone to see. It’s why we feel special when we get a glimpse of it, because it’s for our eyes only. We see the potential that nobody else sees. I don’t want a nice guy Andy.’

His eyes showed the hurt and anger he felt at her words. She could see that she had wounded him, and she hated herself for it. But in her heart she knew it was the right thing to do. She wasn’t lying she told him he deserved better. He was too good for her. She just hoped that she had done sufficient damage to keep him away from her. She wanted him to hate her. It took the choice out of her hands, and once it was gone she would be content again. She was certain of it. He gave her a short, bitter laugh that didn’t quite reach his eyes. He threw the duvet off his body with a harsh shove before quickly gathering his scattered clothes and throwing them on with angry impatience. Amanda kept her neutral mask on, determined to let him think the worst of her. She didn’t want him to know how much it devastated her to hurt him. He stormed towards the bedroom door before he turned on his heel at the doorway and looked at her with emotionless eyes.

‘Do you know why guys become assholes? It’s because of women like you. They say behind every great man is a great woman but behind every destroyed, heartless man there’s a woman who dug the blade in between his shoulder blades. Don’t come crying to me when he destroys you.’

He watched her as her face crumbled, his harsh hurtful words having the desired effect as tears began to fall down her cheeks. Even in his anger though, he couldn’t hide the regret he felt as he watched her fall apart. In spite of himself he felt his heart break a little at the thought of wounding her, even if it was justified.

‘I’m not going to wait around forever Amanda. I want you, but fuck I’m not going to be one of those pathetic guys who pine after someone who doesn’t want them. One day you’ll look back and regret letting me go. Hopefully it’ll be sooner rather than later, because I’ll be fine eventually and I’ll move on after a while. In the long run it’s you who’s going to live with the regret, not me.’

He looked into her glassy eyes, making sure she heard and understood what he said. He nodded to himself, and walked out the door and out of her apartment. Amanda let out a shaking breath which turned into a loud sob, her quivering hand clasped over her mouth in an effort to subdue the noise and maybe ease her guilty conscience. She curled up on the bed, wrapped in the blankets and let the cries fall until she fell back into an exhausted sleep.

 

 


	21. Chapter Twenty One

  
It was Sunday midday, and Amanda sat in the coffee shop nervously waiting for Mariana to arrive. She knew it was time to let someone in on what was happening in her life. She felt like everything was spinning out of control and it was making her nauseous. She had hoped she would be able to keep it a secret from her friends but the events with Andy were plaguing her, and she needed someone to talk to. Gerard and Frank were obviously out of the question, so now she was turning to the only other person she could trust. She was fearful that Mariana would be disgusted with her, that she would no longer view her in the same light. She could only hope that their years of friendship would make Mariana overlook her prejudice and give her some good advice. She was riddled with doubts about what she had done to Andy, and if it was the right choice. She knew in her heart she had picked the person who meant the most to her, but she needed reassurance from an outside source.

She smiled when she saw Mariana approaching. She stood up when Mariana reached the table and pulled her into a hug, something she was in dire need of. She repressed her longing to cry, she knew it would set Mariana on a rant if she saw the tears. Right now she needed some good, level headed advice rather than a lecture. She just hoped she had turned to the right person.

‘Long time, no see honey. Where have you disappeared to?’ Mariana asked with affection, her voice light and sweet as she shrugged her jacket off and took the seat opposite Amanda. She took a grateful sip of the coffee Amanda had already ordered for her.

‘That’s what I want to talk to you about. Mariana…there’s some stuff going on and I just…God I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.’ Her voice wavered, she was quickly losing her battle to remain calm and not cry.

‘Shit, Mandy…calm down honey. Whatever it is, you can tell me. Just start from the beginning okay?’

Amanda took a calming breath and clasped her shaking hands together.

‘Just…before you say anything, let me finish okay?’

‘Okay, I promise.’

‘I guess it all began when I started working for Dark Horse…’

She rambled on for over half an hour, explaining the entire situation to Mariana, who watched Amanda talk with unwavering eyes. Her expression gave nothing away, and it spurred Amanda on to continue her story. She could feel the relief sink into her system as the words came out like vomit that needed to be spilled from her guts before she could recover. Her words were spoken faster the closer she came to finishing.

‘So, I told him I didn’t love him, that I loved Gerard. Then he left.’

She finally looked at Mariana and saw the shock written all over her face. Mariana took her time getting her wits together after hearing the full story. When she was able to speak again her words came out high pitched and irate.

‘Are you fucking crazy? You chose a self serving, possessive asshole over a guy that cares about you and treats you with some fucking decency?’

‘He’s not self serving Mari, he’s…’

‘I don’t care what you say in his defence; you will never get me to believe that he’s the better guy. Sure, he got messed around by his boyfriend, but that’s no excuse for his behaviour. And _you_ , letting yourself get involved with someone you _k_ _new_ had a boyfriend? I know you love him, but Jesus Christ you’re fucking asking for heartbreak! What on earth makes you think Frank won’t give him an ultimatum? That it’s you or him? Gerard may genuinely love you, but it’s obviously not enough if he can’t choose you. He probably doesn’t even love himself, how can he love anyone?’

The words caught Amanda by surprise.

‘What makes you say that?’

Mariana sighed.

‘He left a girlfriend of how many years for Frank, to be told that he wasn’t enough. That would make anyone feel shit about themselves, like they weren’t worthy of being loved. He saw you, realised your feelings and took advantage of it. He wanted to feel loved by someone who thought he was enough. Then of course you go and fuck someone else like a common hoe and give him more issues. I can understand why he acts the way he does but that doesn’t mean you should stay with him. You don’t owe him anything.’

Mariana’s words hit Amanda like a train. She had always known deep down that Gerard’s actions stemmed from insecurity, but hearing the words come from someone else’s mouth put it into perspective for her.

‘I know he loves me Mariana.’

Amanda’s words were spoken quietly, almost inaudible to Mariana’s ears. Mariana’s body language changed at the words and she slumped in the chair as though defeated. Her expression softened from mild anger into a look of sympathy.

‘Mandy, I can’t tell you what to do. I don’t know much in this world, none of us do really. But if there’s one thing I’ve learnt, it’s that you can’t tell the heart what it wants. I wish I could convince you that Gerard, and Frank by extension, are no good for you but words are useless when it comes to matters of the heart. If they make you happy, or if you think they can, then that’s all that matters. I suppose what you need to ask yourself is, are you happier with Gerard, baggage and all, or without him?’

‘I can’t imagine my life without him. I don’t _want_ to.’

‘Then there’s nothing more for me to say really. You can try and get all the reassurance you want from me but at the end of the day none of that matters if you really love him. Life’s too short to be miserable Amanda, so if you find the person who makes you happy then you’re doing better than most people. I just don’t want you getting hurt.’

There was a pregnant pause in the air between the two women as they looked at each other, neither of them sure what to say.

‘Thanks Mariana. Can you…can you please not tell anyone?’

Mariana rolled her eyes.

‘I thought that was a given, honey.’

Amanda couldn’t help but smile at the offended look on her friend’s face. She had definitely made the right choice in opening up to her.

‘Well, in other news, I think Gary is going to propose at the weekend.’

Just like that, the topic was dropped and Amanda relished in having something else to occupy her mind.

*****

 

She stepped inside the house, hoping she had time to get dinner ready for when Frank and Gerard arrived home. She had driven home with a new found sense of happiness in her life. Her talk with Mariana had convinced her she was right to follow her heart. She closed the door behind her gently and removed her jacket. It took her a few seconds to realise that she could hear raised voices coming from upstairs. She could distinguish between Gerard’s and Frank’s voice, and it made her freeze in the hallway. Gerard and Frank had never raised their voices like this in all the time she had known them. She ignored the foreboding feeling that shivered down her spine. She took tentative steps towards the source of the noise, which she guessed was coming from the master bedroom. The closer she got, the louder the volume got and the words became clearer to her.

‘…I’m not going to sit back and pretend I don’t see it anymore Gerard, and don’t you dare tell me that it’s not true. You spent the whole fucking weekend moping because she wasn’t there. The thing is, I knew this was coming. I fucking saw it and I just let it happen. I let it happen because I figured that no matter what I would always be the priority. I mean, I was here first, right? Surely _that,_ if nothing else, would mean something. But it doesn’t anymore, does it?’

‘Frank, you’re being irrational! You don’t know what you’re fucking talking about!’

‘Stop LYING!’ The words were roared in desperation and pain, and it made Amanda jump from where she stood outside in the hall.

‘I’m not lying to you Frank. I love you, you _know_  I do!’

‘Do you love me more than her?’

Amanda’s heart stopped beating. It was a question she never wanted to hear the answer to. The answer would only lead to heartbreak and destruction, and once they were uttered they couldn’t be unspoken.

‘Frank, I…don’t make me do this. Don’t do this, please.’

‘It’s a simple question Gerard, and the fact that you won’t answer says it all. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t, I can’t stay here and watch myself get pushed to the sidelines. Eventually you’ll want kids with her - you’ll want the conventional shit you wanted with Lindsey. I don’t blame you, I don’t. But I’m not going to put myself through the torture of watching it happen.’

She could hear the sounds of drawers opening and closing, the rustling of hangers being pulled out of the closet. There were drowned out by the pleading coming from Gerard.

‘Frank please, we can talk about this…Frank stop it, please…just fucking stop and talk to me!’

Amanda felt her body shake and the tears were streaming down her face as she suppressed her whimpers. In all the time she thought about the idea of Gerard being hers, she never once imagined she would hear the strangled cries and pleas coming from his lips as Frank packed his bag.

‘Frank don’t go, you don’t have to do this…’

‘Yes I do. You know it, and I know it. Maybe it’s karma finally coming back to haunt me.’

‘No Frank, it doesn’t have to be this way, it doesn’t, please.’

‘I’ll come by for the rest of my stuff later. We can talk about the house when we get a bit of distance between us…just…I just want you to be happy, okay? Whatever you do, don’t screw it up. She loves you and-‘ his voice broke from the effort it took not to cry.

‘Frank please…’

‘Goodbye Gerard.’

The door swung open, but Amanda couldn’t even flinch from the surprise. Frank’s face blanched when he saw her, stopping him in his tracks for a second before he walked over to her and pulled her into his embrace.

‘This isn’t your fault okay. Just promise me you’ll make him happy.’ He whispered the words in her ear, creating a domino effect on Amanda’s emotions as she began to sob.

‘You don’t have to go.’ She whispered.

He pulled away from her and shook his head sadly, his expression full of pain and regret.

‘Goodbye Amanda.’

He walked past her with his duffle bag slung over his shoulder; her feet were stuck to the ground as she watched him walk down the stairs and out the door. The slam was swiftly followed by the sound of heart wrenching sobs coming from the room Frank had just left.

 

 


	22. Chapter Twenty Two

  
Amanda, for the most part was always quite lucky. She had been fortunate enough to never have an overnight stay in hospital or require stitches. She had a small number of good friends, a mix of friends from school and college. She had a good relationship with her parents and her siblings. She managed to pass her exams even after a night of partying and she never had any mistakes come back to haunt her. Until now.

The last few days had been the worst of her life. Frank had left, leaving a devastated and barely functioning Gerard behind. The moment Frank had slammed the front door something broke inside of Gerard. Gone was the confident façade he kept up in front of everyone. His normally clean shaven face was sporting a five o’clock shadow; his hair was greasy and unkempt. It was the bleak look in his eyes that was the most difficult to look at. He wasn’t eating, it was coffee and cigarettes that maintained his body and kept it running. She had held him while he cried the first night after Frank’s exit, staying up with him all night in fear of what might happen if she left him alone. He had clutched unto her with such a strong hold she wouldn’t have been able to move, even if she wanted to. By the time he eventually fell asleep at three in the morning her clothes were tear stained and her wrist ached from the constant stroking of his hair in an effort to soothe him. It hurt her to see just how broken he had become. She managed about four hours sleep, her eyes screaming in protest when she opened them to shut the alarm off quickly before it woke Gerard up. She debated for a minute whether she should wake him up or not, but he looked an awful state. His face was pale white with red eyes and tear stained cheeks. The bags underneath them from all the crying would put an insomniac to shame. Aside from his physical appearance though, she knew that he wouldn’t be fit mentally. Deep down Amanda understood he wouldn’t be for a long time, but right now he was raw and cut open. He couldn’t work, not in the state she knew he would be in. All she wanted to do was to stay with him, cuddle him, soothe him in any way she could but people would naturally get suspicious if the two of them were out sick. She got up and showered quicker than she thought was possible and left a note for Gerard, letting him know she was going to work. She would make an excuse for him in work if something came up. Being one of the bosses meant he only had one person to answer to, and he was never around so Gerard could get away with it.

Upon coming home that evening Amanda wished she hadn’t left. Work had been dreadful; picking up Gerard’s workload had been a nightmare. She fielded phone calls from clients and colleagues asking where he was, reorganised five meetings and helped keep the office running smoothly. Then she came home to find Gerard in a drunken stupor in the kitchen, clutching a bottle of vodka which was half empty. It was quickly joining the other empty bottles on the table. She’d stopped in her tracks at the sight, unable to comprehend it at first. She closed her eyes tightly, pushing her frustration back in the box where all her other emotions had been stored that day. It was a bad idea but if she were to start thinking about what was going on and how she felt about it she was afraid that she would have a breakdown herself. She let out a sigh and focused her eyes on Gerard. Amanda had never seen Gerard drink before so to be greeted with such an extreme sight was confusing and unsettling. The tears had stopped, his cheeks were dry and the redness around his eyes was gone. The pale, lost expression remained. When she gathered her wits she slowly walked to the table and took the seat beside him. She bit her lip, mentally debating what she should say, or if she should say anything at all. She decided to do the latter and simply put a comforting hand over one of his warm soft hands. He was startled at the contact, he hadn’t heard or seen or come in. His eyes were glazed from the amount of alcohol he consumed, but the pain still shone though.

‘I…I don’t know how to do this Amanda. I don’t know how to live without him.’

The words were spoken with such childish petulance that it physically hurt to hear them. She immediately felt the sting of guilt, and worthlessness. Despite what Frank had said, she knew it was her fault. If she had never entered into the picture Gerard wouldn’t be sitting here, his fist tightly holding onto his poison as though it was a life jacket that could save him from the misery he was drowning in.

‘I’m sorry’ she murmured, blinking back tears that would be far from helpful in their situation.

She needed to be the calmer, more rational person in order to get Gerard through this.

Gerard shook his head adamantly, so sharply that he had to grip onto the table to stop himself from falling off his chair with dizziness. Amanda had been drunk enough times to know that the world was probably spinning for him right now.

‘ It’s not your fault’ he slurred ‘…was gonna happen sooner or later…he didn’t want…he didn’t want…god I don’t know’ he rambled, confused and anguished as he fought against his desire to upend the table and ruin everything in sight.

‘I’m going to go get-‘

‘No!’ he gripped her hand tightly, squeezing it to the point of hurting her ‘don’t go, don’t go please!’

She didn’t expect him to have the strength to yank her by the arm and pull her off her chair, making her stumble from the sharp tug. He cradled her on his lap, wrapping his arms around her effectively pinning her to his body.

‘Sush’ she tried to soothe ‘I’m not going anywhere; I was just going to run you a bath. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.’

It took her half an hour to convince him she wasn’t leaving, then another hour to get him to drink something other than alcohol and get into the bath. He made her join him, which on any other occasion would have been welcomed but right now she couldn’t feel any positive emotions. Everything was been channelled into the ‘I’ll deal with later’ part of her brain. She focused all her energy on getting Gerard up and on his feet. She tried to get him to eat but he refused, although he took a cup of coffee which she took as a good sign. She convinced him to take some pain killers and dragged him to her bed. He started tearing up when they approached the master bedroom, making Amanda panic and brutally shove him back down the hall before he could react. He got into her bed without any protest once he saw she was climbing into the bed with him. The night was filled with restless sleep for Amanda, due to the heat from Gerard wrapping himself around her body and her dreams which were filled with images of Frank. Her subconscious was trying to force her to deal with what had happened, but she refused to let it win. She was just thankful Gerard was knocked out cold from all the alcohol, giving her some respite.

When he woke up on Tuesday morning, he didn’t look any better. He was sober though, and not very hung over. Amanda guessed the heartbreak was masking the symptoms from his alcohol indulgence. He appeared to go on automatic, getting ready for work and drinking a cup of coffee but his eyes were unfocused and listless. She was worried for their safety when he started the car, but apprehension held her back from voicing it. They arrived in one piece and Gerard promptly shut himself away in his office. Any meetings he had planned were rescheduled for the next day in order for him to catch up with the lost day. That was the official reason at least. In reality Amanda knew he just wanted to lose himself in work but he wasn’t ready to put a fake smile on and deal with the world yet. She understood; if she had a choice she would have done the same thing herself. Gerard managed to get through the day somehow, again not eating anything bar the sandwich she forced him to eat when they got home.

Wednesday was when things went from bad to worse. It started when she woke up, her head feeling fuzzy and her stomach filled with bile. She barely made it to the bathroom on time before she puked her guts up. The retching had woken Gerard up, and for the first time in two days he wore an expression other than despair. He rubbed her back and watched her with concern while she finished getting sick.

‘Shit…maybe you should stay at home today’ he murmured with worry.

She knew the concern was twofold; he was genuinely worried she was sick, but also afraid of how he would cope if she stayed at home. She had been his rock for the last two days, even if it seemed like he hadn’t noticed or appreciated it. Seeing her sick and vulnerable, _needing him_ , seemed to have taken him out of his stupor just a little. It gave him a new focus, something else to think about other than the pain he was going through.

She shook her head vehemently.

‘No, I feel better now I’ve thrown up. I’ll be fine. Maybe I’ll go home early if I still feel ill later.’

The fuzziness she felt went away, but the vomiting plagued her throughout the morning. She was far from her normal self, but she was unwilling to go home. If she went home, she would be alone and if she was alone she would just think, over analysis and pull apart everything that was going on. She was terrified of the consequences of doing so. She was able to ignore the massive void in her heart when she was working or taking care of Gerard but once both of them were taken away she had nothing to distract her from her own destructive thoughts. When it hit twelve o’clock Gerard had sent her home to her disappointment and surprise. He wasn’t one for letting people go home sick, but she supposed seeing her vomit all day was proof enough she was unwell. He was answering his own phone calls most of the morning due to her frequent trips to the bathroom. While she walked out of the building she checked her phone, seeing the time and date light up brightly. In the back of her mind, she knew was forgetting something but it she decided it wasn’t important. Whatever it was could wait. She walked down the road, passing a pharmacy when it hit her. She was due a new prescription for her pill, which meant her period should have started three days ago. She double checked the calendar on her phone, hoping she was wrong. She stood outside the glass window of the store in the middle of a busy street in shock. Everything that was happening was nonexistent as the colour drained from her face. People were looking at her, worried as she stood horrified at was quickly becoming a nightmare.

‘Dear, are you okay?’ An old lady came up to her and asked with alarm, placing a friendly hand on her arm.

The physical contact snapped Amanda out of her mind for a moment, becoming aware of where she was and what was happening.

‘I’m fine, thank you’ her voice was barely audible, her brain was barely functioning.

She convinced her that she could be wrong, that she had no proof. She was under a lot of stress emotionally, which she had heard could screw up your cycle. She stepped into the pharmacy with trepidation, feeling the fear that every woman felt when they picked up the one product that could give them a life altering answer.

An hour later, the blue line was the sole focus of her horrified eyes. She had taken two tests to be sure and both had given her the same answer. She was pregnant. Knocked up. With child. Her mind was numb with shock, the adrenaline pumping through her body ensuring her heart kept beating rapidly as a reminder that what was happening was real.  
 _  
How could I be so stupid?_ were the words that kept on racing through her mind like a mantra, it was the only coherent thought her brain could process. She was on the pill and took it religiously every day. She used condoms for the most part when she was with Frank and Gerard just to be extra sure _this_ didn’t happen. But it seemed to have happened anyway.

She kept her bathroom door locked just in case Gerard magically came home early and decided to come into her bathroom for some unknown reason. Her uneven breathing was too loud, her ears barely registered the volume of it though through the pounding in her head. She was screwed and she knew it. If it was just Gerard that was the possible father maybe she wouldn’t be so panicked. She wouldn’t be delighted about it but she would be okay with it. Frank was just as likely to be the father. Her body flooded with shame when she realised that according to the time line Andy was a very small, but still very real, possibility. She had never in her whole life imagined she would ever be in a situation where she was uncertain of the paternity of her child.

Sitting alone in the bathroom, she realised that the one person she wanted most to comfort her, the one person who could probably make her smile somehow even as she felt like her world was falling apart, had walked away from her with a slammed door and a broken heart.

In her hour of need, all she wanted was Frank.  


### Notes


	23. Chapter Twenty Three

  
It was hard for Amanda to snap out of her self-involvement when Gerard came home. She was torn apart and shredded on the inside, her mind unable to properly focus on anything. He seemed to put it down to her not feeling well, and in a change of roles he tried to take care of her. He asked if she wanted food, did she want tea, was there _anything_ she wanted. All she could do was shake her head and curl up on the couch and stare at the TV mindlessly. He seemed at a loss about how to take her sudden change of mood. His own feelings were still raw. The only thing she wanted was Frank. Something in her heart told her Frank would react to the situation better than Gerard.

Frank, deep down, did want what Gerard wanted. Amanda hadn’t forgotten the conversation when he had spilled his guts to her; she had seen the pain he felt over the loss of the type of family he planned. He wanted a family of his own. She knew part of the reason he walked away was because he felt like she and Gerard deserved what he had always wanted. She was certain that Gerard and Frank would have talked about children but something had held them back. Adoption wasn’t something that would satisfy both their need to have a child of their own, and surrogacy was messy and full of complications so they had silently decided against those options and agreed to not go down the path of having children. Well, Frank had. Gerard would have gone for the surrogacy route she was certain, they had the money to do it but Frank was probably too afraid of what might happen if the woman changed her mind, or they realised they couldn’t cope. Frank would rather walk away, or deprive himself rather than go through the pain of losing what was important to him. If it was unplanned, out of his control, he would accept it. He would see it as a sign it was meant to happen. Frank was a believer in the idea that everything happened for a reason. Where Gerard would freak out over the suddenness of the situation, much like Amanda was, Frank would take it in his stride. He would calm Gerard down and make him see that it was a good thing. He could calm _Amanda_ down and get rid of her fears.

Amanda didn’t have that power over Gerard. She could ignite his passionate side, or his compassion and empathy. She made him anything other than calm, hence why he had been so controlling and demanding. She accepted that, and in a way she enjoyed it. Any rational self proclaimed feminist would string her up for admitting such a thing but it was true. She saw it as a sign of his love. Her father had been a controlling man, especially when it came to his daughters. He never let them out to parties in high school, didn’t let them date and certainly never let them out if he didn’t know where they were, and who they were with. When they reached University he calmed down, acknowledging that they were going to have to take control of their own lives. That had been a hard adjustment for Amanda. As stifling as it was, it had given her security. Gerard gave her that same sense of security she longed for. Frank seemed to provide the other side of the coin for her. He was easy going and comforting when she needed a break from all the intensity. She hadn’t realised just how much she needed him, how much she loved him, until he had gone. It made her pain far more acute as she began to regret how she hadn’t appreciated him. He was the glue that held her and Gerard together.

Now, it was Thursday morning and she was on her own. Gerard had told her to stay at home and get some rest. It was difficult to do, knowing that it was hard for him to leave her when all he wanted was for her to stay with him and give him the comfort he needed. Amanda was glad though. Gerard was the most observant person she had met, and she knew it wouldn’t take him long to figure out the reason she was getting sick. She wasn’t ready to tell him yet. She was afraid of telling him that she was pregnant, with a child that may or may not be his, his ex boyfriend’s, or Andy’s. She knew realistically the chances of it being Andy’s was low. It had been one night weeks ago, with protection, but she wasn’t going to delude herself into believing that it was completely out of the realm of possibility. It would be unlikely, but not a miracle. She pondered whether she should even bring it up. If she told the truth it would make a bad situation even more volatile. Her deepest fear was being left completely on her own and by reminding Gerard about her night with Andy all those weeks ago it could make her fear a reality.

She spent that morning restless, pacing the house in agitation in between her trips to the bathroom. The vomiting stopped shortly after two, helping her to clear her head enough to think about her situation and how she should handle it. She knew what she wanted, but it seemed like it was out of her reach. Her longing to talk to Frank, to hear his calming words, was reaching boiling point. She wondered if she should pick up the phone and call him, but in her heart she knew he wouldn’t answer. She could send him a text or an e-mail, but that was no way to tell him what was going on, and there was no guarantee he would read either or respond. The house began to feel claustrophobic, the cold sterility made it seem like the white walls were becoming smaller and smaller as the seconds ticked by. She needed to get out of the house. She didn’t check how she looked before she left, after being sick all morning she didn’t care how she looked. She just wanted to get away from the house that held so many once happy memories that were slowly turning bittersweet.

She jumped into the car with no destination in mind. She drove into the city and parked the car in a parking lot. She planned to walk around until she found a place she wanted to be. She walked down the bust street, barely taking in anything that was going on around her. Everything that was going on in her mind was distracting her to the point where she couldn’t concentrate. Nothing was important, nothing mattered; nothing except the shit storm that her life was slowly being engulfed in. The pregnancy was the last thing she needed even if there were no other complications in her life. Babies were something she had thought about, and wanted, but she had always thought that they would be years down the line when she was more settled and secure. She may be an adult but she was far from mature enough to take care of another person, especially one that would be so helpless and dependant on her. The baby would cry and it would need attention and affection around the clock. She couldn’t take off and do whatever she pleased at a moment’s notice; the baby would be an anchor weighing her down. She would love the baby though, which was her one consolation while she swam the depths of despair. The baby, even if it was bad timing or hard work, was something that fate had thrown her way and she wasn’t going to be ungrateful for it. She just wished the timing was better.

The cold weather started to seep into her bones after an hour of trailing the city. She decided to get a cup of tea before starting the journey back to the car. She found herself outside a little café that Frank had once told her about, exclaiming that it made the best cappuccinos, but the hot chocolates sucked. She regretted not going with him when he had asked her one time, but she had been so exhausted she had told them they would go another time. She hesitated before going inside, feeling a thrill of anxiety at the reminder of Frank but the biting cold forced her inside. She stepped inside, smiling a little at the sound of the little bell that informed everyone she was coming inside. The place was tiny, with only two people working behind the white marbled top counter but it had a nice homely feel to it. The place even had a fire going, the crackling sound reminding her of her childhood in winter time when her father would light the fire in their sitting room. She took the few steps needed to reach the counter, returning the waitress’s smile when she took her order. Her tea was given to her in a ‘to go’ cup, she would need the heat from the tea when she made her trip back. She sat at a small table right in front of the large window, which was frosted. It gave her a perfect view of outside but anybody looking in wouldn’t be able to see anything but her silhouette. She held the cup in her hands, seeking the extra warmth it gave her shivering body. Anybody watching her would have seen how she stared at the cup as though waiting for it to give her answers to all her problems. Her eyes were unfocused, unblinking and full of wariness as she slumped in the hard plastic chair.

The place was eerily quiet, but she supposed that wasn’t unusual at half four in the afternoon. She suspected that in another hour it would be filled with people grabbing a quick cup before they made their journey home in rush hour traffic. It made the sound of the bell ring out louder and shaper than intended. Amanda jumped in her seat, the noise pulling her out of her reverie. She raised her head to get a glimpse of the person who so cruelly disturbed her, and her heart stopped at the sight.

It was Frank. He looked like hell with his unshaven jaw, his messy hair and wrinkled clothes. The bags under his eyes could be seen from where she sat and his face was pale in the unhealthiest way. He looked like he had lost a few pounds in the few days since she had last seen him, frightening her as he was already thin. His voice when he ordered his cappuccino was hallowed and void of any emotion. It was a strange sound to her ears as it contrasted so heavily with his normal enthusiasm. She blinked several times, making sure he was really there and not some kind of hallucination brought on by her aching heart. He didn’t see her and she was glad. It gave her time to get her scrambled thoughts together and figure out what she should say. She knew this was her one chance to talk to him, to try and make things right. She didn’t want to blow it by saying the wrong thing, as she was apt at doing when under stress.

She watched him with wide eyes, taking in his every move. His shoulders were slumped as though he carried a great height. He stood at the counter, waiting for his coffee. He had no intention of staying, cutting her time to evaluate the situation. She panicked when she saw the waitress hand him his coffee, which he took with a gloved hand and a tight fake smile. She hurried to out her jacket back on, forgetting her tea. He walked out the door before she stood up, forcing her to run out the door after him. She quickly looked to her left and right, quickly spotting him taking hurried steps up the street.

‘Frank!’ She yelled in panic. She didn’t care that people looked at her as she ran to close the distance between them.

He turned around with a confused expression, searching the sidewalk for whoever called him. When his eyes landed on her anxious face fighting her way through the crowd she saw the conflicting emotions on his face. He was torn between turning around and walking away, and staying to listen to whatever she had to say. He stayed still, letting her breach the gap between them. He took the sight of her in, and she wondered if she looked half as bad as he did. Perhaps she looked worse, considering she spent most of the morning puking her guts up. He didn’t make any move to speak, or to give her any indication on how she should proceed.

‘Frank’ she whispered.

All the words she wanted to say were backed up and jumbled up in her frazzled brain as she stared at him helplessly. She had too much to say and she had no idea if she had enough time to say it all. The people that walked passed them faded into nonexistence while she gazed at the one person who could take her pain away.

‘Amanda, whatever you have-‘

‘We need to talk. It’s important.’

‘I don’t think that’s a good idea, not right now.’

‘Please’ she begged, hearing the plea in her voice and unable to care at how pathetic she sounded.

His expression was pained, mixed with anger at her persistence.

‘Follow me’ he muttered, continuing in the direction he had been taking before she stopped him.

She followed him silently, using the time to plan what she needed to say. The journey was surprisingly quick. No more than three minutes as he took her into a hotel. She guessed it was where he had stayed the last few nights. He pressed the buttons in the elevator without saying a word to her, letting them both simmer in the tense silence. There was so much that needed to be said on both sides that caused tension to fill the elevator. They got off on the second floor. She followed him into a room that was two doors away from the elevator doors. She closed the door behind her gently, her hands and body shaking with nerves as she began to feel pressure of the stakes that were at risk if she didn’t get it right. He looked at her expectedly, again waiting for her to get the conversation started.

The eloquent words she had planned, which included a passionate speech were lost the moment their eyes met.

‘I’m pregnant.’

His face fell, along with the coffee that had been held tightly in his hands. He jumped back to avoid the boiling liquid, looking at the damage done to the carpet before looking at her again.

‘What?’

‘I’m pregnant. It could be yours, or Gerard’s. I don’t know.’

Hearing the words aloud broke the barrier she had built between herself and her emotions. The tears that had been building up for the last four days began to tumble down her cheeks, and her lungs began to work too hard to keep her body calm. She took a few gasping breaths before she broke down in sobs, her whole body shaking as her hands automatically went to cover her face. She felt a pair of arms wrap around her, offering her comfort. She leaned into the embrace, greedily taking the warmth she had been pining for since he left. She circled her arms around him, clutching him tightly to ensure he wasn’t going anywhere.

‘It’s okay Amanda, it’s all gonna be okay’ he cooed softly.

‘I don’t want to do it without you Frank. I c-can’t. N-nothing’s been ri-right since you left. It fucking hurts so much. I don’t kn-know when it ha-happened but somewhere down the l-line something ch-changed. I know you d-don’t feel the same way but I need you. I love you, and I w-want you to stay. Please don’t go.’ She buried her head in his chest, her anguish making her subconsciously hold him tighter.

His soothing rubbing of her back stopped at her words, and she knew her words took him by surprise. She had never given him an indication that her feelings for him went beyond attraction and mutual affection. Now, she was standing in his hotel room and confessing a truth she hadn’t realised she was hiding. She didn’t look at his face to see his reaction. She couldn’t.

‘Amanda I-‘ his tone was grave, and Amanda’s panic went into overdrive at the thought of him saying no.

What if it wasn’t enough for him? Maybe she was wrong and he wouldn’t care about the baby that was possibly his. What if he really wanted to cut his ties and move on, what if she had no words or arguments strong enough to convince him to come back?

‘Please Frank, I-‘

‘Amanda, just…just shut up, okay?’

His hands moved away from her back as he took a step back. He cupped her face, using his thumbs to wipe away the tears that were staining her cheeks and forcing her to look him in the eye. His eyes were glassy and full of emotion. His expression wasn’t angry, or pained. His breathing was slightly erratic, and the hands that held her cheeks were shaking. In that moment, she knew he felt the same way. The pain and suffering that was etched on his face wasn’t just because he missed Gerard. He had missed her too. The relief on his face from hearing her words was evidence of that. She didn’t know how long the stood there before he brought his lips down to meet hers in a kiss.

Suddenly, everything felt like it was going to be okay.  


### Notes


	24. Epilogue

_Eighteen Months Later_

Amanda was in the bathroom when she heard the front door close with a careless slam. She couldn’t keep the grin off her face as she held the white stick in her hand and imagined his reaction to the news. They had only been trying for a month but she wasn’t too surprised at how quickly it had happened. In fact she was delighted, a fact that showed when she rushed out of the bathroom and down the flight of stairs, seeing him hanging up his coat on the coat rack beside the door. He turned around at the sound of her feet thumping loudly on the stairs, all grace forgotten in her eagerness. His giggle sounded throughout the hall, as he walked over to the stair case. She jumped into his arms when she reached him, squeezing him tightly.

‘Someone’s happy’ he teased, returning her hug.

She let him go abruptly, holding the test up for him to see. He took it off her with a steady hand, his face not giving any indication on what he was thinking. He studied the blue line for a few seconds that seemed to last a lifetime, his eyes unblinking and focused. His dark hair was falling in his eyes but he didn’t bother to fix it, his attention was solely on the white piece of plastic he held tightly. She waited for his reaction, unable to help the slight flutter of nerves as she watched him. They went away the minute she saw his boyish smile. He suddenly grabbed her again, pulling her into a too tight hug.

‘Holy shit, I didn’t think it’d be so soon’ he sounded happy though, and the light in his eyes shined with delight. She loved how his how hazel orbs changed from a brown shade to green when he was happy. His straight teeth were on show, his plump lips thinned out as he smiled. She could see the two small scars from the lip piercings he had while in college. She sometimes wondered what it would have like to kiss him with the metal rings gracing his lips.

‘I know but I’d rather get it over and done with. This is your first and last’ she laughed.

‘Ha, you say that now but we both know that’s a lie.’

‘No way. Two is enough. You’re lucky I’m agreeing to go through it again!’

‘Oh please, if I remember properly it was _your_ idea, not mine.’

‘It was a pre-emptive strike.’

She giggled, remembering how she had spent a whole month convincing him that she was ready to have another child. He had been reluctant at first, worried that it was too soon for her to have another baby when Leah was only a little over seven months old. He knew her secret motivation, and as touched as he was by it he thought they should wait before trying. She had used the old ‘we don’t know how long it could take’ argument, and attempted to give him the puppy dog eyes. He went along with it, deciding that if it was meant to be it would happen.

‘Where’s Gerard?’ he asked, realising just how silent the house was.

‘He took Leah out for some father-daughter bonding.’

‘Did you tell him yet?’

‘No, I wanted to tell you first. He’ll just jump me the minute he finds out.’

‘Can’t blame him, he hasn’t gotten any from you in over a month.’

‘Seeing as he knocked me up the first time it’s the least he could put up with.’ She muttered before leaning in and placing a soft kiss on his lips.

‘So, we’ve got the place to ourselves?’

His husky voice, suggestive smirk and cocked eyebrow were enough to let her know just what he was thinking. She grabbed his hand, leading him upstairs with a Cheshire cat grin on her face.

*******************************************************

Amanda smiled at Leah, who was dressed for the summer in a white and pink dress with a matching hat. Leah held her gaze, smiling back at her mother with the innocent love and affection that every baby had for their parents. They were waiting for the Doctor to call them in for Leah’s check up and to confirm her pregnancy. She couldn’t help but let her mind drift back over the last eighteen months and just how much her life had changed.

After she had followed Frank back to his hotel and confessed her feelings he had agreed to come back. He had listened to her as she spilled all the insecurity she felt, all the fear associated with motherhood and the fact that Andy was also a possibility from the time Gerard and Frank had found her with him. He calmed her down like she knew he would, telling her that they would deal with it when the time came. He held her for a long time, giving her the reassurance she needed that everything would be okay. He told her he would come back to the house the next day to talk to Gerard, to try and make things work. She saw the fear in his eyes when he thought about Gerard and the regret over the pain he caused. He was afraid that he had done too much damage this time that Gerard wouldn’t let him back. She had begged him to go with her that night that, crying that she didn’t want to spend another day without him in the house. She revealed how Gerard was broken without him, that he would take him back in a heartbeat if Frank let him. That much she was certain about. Anybody who had seen the agony Gerard went through wouldn’t doubt it. He loved Frank too much to let him go.

It was with a lot of coaxing and pleading that she got Frank to get in her car. When they reached the house she saw how he fought to suppress the shivers that threatened to take over his body. She didn’t give him time to think about what was about to happen. She unceremoniously dragged him out of the car and pushed him through the front door. She remembered when Gerard came out of the kitchen to see what the commotion was only to stop in his tracks at the sight of Frank. She could see how he had stopped breathing as he looked at Frank with wide, disbelieving eyes. When he came to his sense he rushed over to Frank and pulled the smaller man into a bone crunching hug, unable to stop the tears that poured down his face as he clutched at Frank’s coat. He had called Frank an ‘asshole’ and a ‘stupid fucker’ before kissing him with what could only be described as pure, unadulterated love. The sight made Amanda break down in silent tears, the feeling of completeness and rightness was so overwhelming and emotionally intense.

It had been the start of a new beginning for them. It had been tough for all of them as they sought to redefine and re-establish their relationship. There had been moments were she wondered whether it was really worth it, especially when they had discussed how to deal with the pregnancy. The only viable solution for them was to lie. In the eyes of all their families and the law Amanda was a surrogate mother, who would share custody of the child with Frank and Gerard. That had been a hard pill for Amanda to swallow at first, but she had no choice but to accept it. There was no way they could let the world know the truth about their relationship. As much as she wished the world was a more open and accepting place, it wasn’t. It was a cold, unforgiving and their unusual relationship simply had no right to exist in the ideals of the small, narrow minded people who believed there was only one way to live your life. It was under this pretence that she had been introduced to Gerard’s family. She had fallen in love with them, and if she were to believe his mother the feeling was mutual. They had accepted her as part of the family, even though to them she was only the surrogate. His mother was so happy at the thought of having a grandchild she didn’t care about the circumstances. As long as she got to be involved she didn’t question anything. Mikey was as observant as his brother and though he hadn’t said anything she was sure he was aware that there was more to their relationship than they were letting on. Gerard’s father was a quiet man but just like Donna he was happy if his son was happy. Frank’s family had been nerve wracking. His Mother Linda was lovely, more quiet than Donna but just as accepting. Frank’s dad was a different story. She remembered how Frank had described his Dad’s disappointment at learning about Frank’s and Gerard’s relationship. He had been civil to her, but she knew he disapproved of the idea of Frank and Gerard having a child together. She had kept her mouth shut though, knowing it would be Frank who would get hurt if she spoke the words that she longed to say. Her own family had taken the news quite well, although they were puzzled Amanda would do something ‘so selfless’. She had told her sister the truth eventually, and to her surprise she had been okay with it.

The pregnancy hadn’t been without it complications. When she hit the six month mark she began to suffer from chronic fatigue that made it impossible for her to keep working. It was with a heavy heart that she had left Dark Horse, but she knew it was for the best. They had agreed that she would leave when she went on maternity leave in order to lessen the complications for Gerard at work. As far as everyone was aware Amanda just happened to get pregnant at the same time Gerard’s surrogate did. The less people knew about it, the easier it was to keep things simple. She had spent the last three months of the pregnancy moping about, aggravated by the fact she couldn’t do anything more than walk for fifteen minutes before becoming exhausted. Gerard and Frank had been supportive, and did everything they could to make her feel better. She couldn’t deny that she had them wrapped around her finger, both of them eager to make sure she was happy.

When Leah was born, everything changed. The day itself had been emotional for everyone, after Amanda endured a fifteen hour labour. Gerard and Frank had stayed with her the whole time, suffering her abuse and tears as she struggled through the contractions and birth. When Leah eventually came into the world it had been worth it. When Amanda had held her baby in her arms she knew that she had finally done something right. She would never forget the tears of joy Gerard had wept as he held his daughter and Franks’ adoring gaze as he had cradled Leah for the first time. They had discussed whether they should do a paternity test over and over again, with Amanda on one side and Frank and Gerard on the other. From the men’s point of view they were both her father and DNA wouldn’t change that. It wasn’t hard to see that line was used to cover up the fear they felt if they found out Leah wasn’t theirs. Amanda couldn’t live with a lie though. She hadn’t seen or spoken to Andy since the day he walked out, but if he was the father of her child he had a right to know. _Leah_ had a right to know. It was a battle hard won for Amanda, and the angry tension that had filled the home for three weeks had been the price to pay. Frank understood Amanda’s point of view even if he disagreed. He avoided talking about it while they waited for the results and did his best not to hold it against Amanda. Gerard on the other hand had been so furious that he refused to talk to Amanda for two days afterwards. She was aware of the reason behind his anger. While he could live with the knowledge there was a slight chance Leah wasn’t his or Frank’s, he was afraid of his feelings changing if it was confirmed she was in fact Andy’s child. Amanda was equally afraid, but in her heart she knew she was doing what was best by Leah. Every child deserved to know where they came from and Leah was not the exception to that.

The day they got the results back they had been afraid to look at the paper that would tell them for certain who Leah’s biological father was. Amanda held the envelope in her shaking hand, refusing to meet Gerard or Frank’s stare. Gerard had pleaded with her one last time to just throw the result away, that they were better off not knowing. In the end she had gritted her teeth and ripped it open, scanning the black print for the answer. When it revealed that Gerard was the father she had cried with relief. The tension that had hovered over them for three weeks had disappeared, letting them get on with their lives. Amanda could see that Frank was disappointed with the result. He didn’t let it show and his love for Leah hadn’t changed but she knew deep down that he had hoped that she was his. As time went on though it was obvious to see she was Gerard’s daughter. Her eyes had changed to his shade of hazel when she was six months old, and her nose and smile definitely came from him. She got Amanda’s shape of eyes and hair colour. Amanda was certain that she would want to go back to work within a couple of months, but to her amazement she found that she enjoyed being a mother. The sleepless nights hadn’t been as bad as she expected, and with Gerard and Frank pitching in to help it made it easier. Her life had taken on a new purpose and she realised with a pang that she didn’t want to miss one moment of Leah’s life, at least not for the first couple of years. By going back to work she might miss her first step or first word and the thought filled her with guilt and anxiety. After discussing it with Gerard and Frank they had decided that it would be best if she stayed at home, at least for now. With two very handsome wages coming in they were able to afford the luxury. Amanda hated the thought of living off somebody else but when she had to choose between the awkwardness of receiving money that she didn’t work for or staying with her daughter, her daughter had won.

When Leah hit seven months, she had started thinking about having more children. Her pregnancy with Leah had been tough, as was the birth, but having Leah was the best thing that had ever happened to her. Leah was a good natured child who was never sick and rarely cried and Amanda counted her lucky stars for it every day. The thought of being pregnant again wasn’t a pleasant one, in fact it was downright horrible but she knew that she would want to give Leah a sibling eventually and in her mind it was better to get it over and done with. Amanda knew that the issue would be a delicate one to bring up. She wanted Frank to father the child and she wondered how well it would go down. Part of the reason she was so determined to have another child was to give Frank the same thing she had given Gerard. Gerard had listened to her and told her the choice was hers. Since Leah was his child biologically he had agreed that it was only right that the next child would be Frank’s. Frank had been the hesitant one. Not because he didn’t want one, but he felt it was too soon. Leah was still young and having two children would be a strain on Amanda. She had worn him down with her persistence and he gave in. Gerard wasn’t impressed when he realised it meant that he wasn’t allowed in Amanda’s bed until the deed was done.

‘Leah Iero-Way and Amanda May please’ the receptionist called out from the office, ripping Amanda out of her reverie. She carried Leah in her car seat into the Doctor’s office, doing the necessary checkups on Leah’s development and health. He also did a pregnancy test for Amanda, confirming that she was indeed pregnant as though the vomiting every morning hadn’t been enough evidence. When everything was done she headed to the mall, where she had agreed to meet Mariana. Mariana knew everything that had happened; she had even met Gerard and Frank. Her opinion hadn’t changed too much but she kept her mouth shut for Amanda’s sake. Plus she adored Leah and once they were happy Mariana was satisfied. Mariana was now eight months pregnant herself, and had just gone on maternity leave from work. Amanda checked her watch when she arrived at the agreed Starbucks, and realised she was half an hour early. She decided to order a tea anyway, feeling too tired to walk around the mall. She ordered a tea and sat down, rocking Leah in her pram while she waited. The baby’s eyelids were starting to droop, her large hazel eyes fighting against the need to nap. She was helpless against the gentle swaying of the pram and she was out within two minutes.

‘Here you go’ the blond waitress got her attention, gently putting the tea on the table.  
Amanda looked up to thank the waitress, when she saw a face she hadn’t seen in a long time. Or eighteen months, to be exact.

He was a tall as ever, his once black hair now lightened to a dark brown. She couldn’t help but watch him as he stood in line, waiting for his beverage. He was holding hands with a small brunette, who looked roughly his age. He was smiling at her with adoration, a look that the woman returned. He gave her quick kiss on the lips and laughed at something she said. As though he sensed her presence he looked up and met her eyes. There was an awkward moment where they gazed at each other, searching the other for a reaction. Amanda gave him a small smile, unsure of how she should react. He whispered into the brunette’s ear, then he started walking towards her. Amanda felt her heart beat rapidly with anxiety, afraid of whatever it was he wanted. When he stood in front of her he hesitated for a second before greeting her.

‘Hey’ his deep voice sounded nervous.

‘Hey Andy… Long time no see’ she gave him a nervous smile.

‘How…how have you been?’

‘I’m good, really good actually. Are you still working in the bar?’

‘Yeah, I’m still there. Who’s this’ he pointed at Leah.

‘This is my daughter Leah.’

‘She’s beautiful.’

‘Thank you.’

There was a tense pause while Andy scratched the back of his neck, as though debating with himself.

‘The reason I came over was to say I’m sorry for what I said to you that day. It was harsh and undeserved.’

Amanda shook her head.

‘Don’t be, it’s in the past. We both said things we shouldn’t have.’

He nodded at her.

‘Who’s the lucky girl?’ Amanda pointed at the mystery girl, unable to help herself.

‘Oh, her name’s Dorothy.’

‘She seems lovely. I hope she makes you happy.’

‘She does’ he replied with a shy smile.

There was another awkward silence; both of them having said all that was needed to be said. The apologies left unsaid were understood. They had both moved on with their lives.

‘It was lovely to see you Andy.’ Amanda spoke softly.

‘You too.’

With a last smile he walked back to his girlfriend, who gave him a quizzical look. Whatever he told her seemed to be enough when she laced their hands together. They grabbed their cups and left the store, not giving Amanda another glance.

Amanda took a sip of her cooled tea, gazing at her sleeping daughter with love and affection. Despite all the ups and downs of the last two years, and the many more she was sure lay ahead, it was all worth it. Her daughter was happy, and loved by not just two, but three parents. She had two men at home who loved her, and she loved them. Sure it wasn’t the life she had planned, but life had thrown her something even better than what most people had.

And three was definitely better than two.  



End file.
